You were my

coffee and cigarettes

Just like the smoke

You've disappeared

leaving me alone

to deal with the withdrawals

Gun fires

gun shot unheard

self inflicted pain

I bleed alone.

Crimson floors

can’t be scrubbed

leaving evidence

I once existed.

Forever alone

No one is yelling my name

My time is mine only

Lovely birds chirping

The beautifulness of alone

Watching flowers sway

Day after day I'm alone

I choose how I spend my time

I control myself

I love being alone

Quiet time spent day dreaming

Wanderlust through life

Sadly on my own

Nobody to call my name

I miss time with you

Sounds of loneliness

Echoes through the flowers

I sway all alone

Day after day I'm alone

I need hands to hold on to

Spend time with a love

I hate being alone

Quiet time spent craving you

Stumbling through life

No eyes to look at

All day and all night I am

Forever alone

Being the social animals that human beings are reared to be, the very thought of being alone can insinuate a sense of trepidation in some. However, every soul that treads the earth was alone to begin with. That soul took a form,  and we will keep it to human form for now, and then got conditioned to believe that it was meant to be with the others. We all know that we came here alone and we will die alone and yet, while we live we fear being alone. During this journey that we call life we make intimate partnerships sometimes based on love and sometimes hate; but each one of these makes us feel that we aren't what we fear the most, alone. At a certain juncture in life and it happens in many people's lives, a particular relationship acquires a colossal form. Usually, such a relationship is of passionate and yet, true love. In this particular relationship, a soul feels united with another as if they are not two but one. And it is then that both the souls in this relationship fear separation, fear the loneliness that may befall them if they were separated by unfortunate circumstances. But do these souls ever notice that if they feel they are bonded as one, then how can separation come about, as they are already one? Fear of being alone must then not perturb such souls because even when one body dies, the unified soul remains. And a unified soul can never be alone.

I'm too much in my head. Alone, the thoughts are uncontrollable. They fly at me in thick heavy swarms, unable to be brushed away... easily.

It takes some time and copious amounts of energy to do the slightest of tasks. The first being to simply get up. I am charged with the care of this house, this family?! I can barely care for myself. Exhausted is my name. Exhausted at hearing my name.

Leave me alone. Stop coming at me. Too many people! It is utter frustration, trying to figure out which is the better option for me. With people, I'm drained, I'm on stage. Alone, the thick heavy swarms attack.

Alone. No support. Alone. Nothing getting done. Alone. I think I'd prefer to be... sometimes.

Alone.

I remember her faintly, standing here in this place.

She had looked me in the eye, demanding my own gaze. Nails leave the impression of moons on the back of my hand, while I had kept my grip loose on hers.

She gives a- admittedly, unbeknownst to her- final squeeze to my fingers, but only as she turned her back to me. It's here when she takes her first step forward and gives a gentle tug on my arm.

And then it is here, with leleadened feet, I stayed.

Her fingers slipped from mine, and, at last, I did not reach for them again. 

Raised in captivity ,

this bird stripped of wings.

I alone must pay the penalty.

In this cage there are no tunes to sing.

For what joy can captivity bring ?

Looking to the blue horizon, wishing , yearning to take flight.

These bars they hold me out of mind , out of sight.

My home is bare a naked form, with only my feathers to keep me warm.

So lock me up and cast me aside.

In this guilded prison, I have died inside.

"Being alone doesn't mean being lonely." I read that and try to believe it. I try to look into the mirror, and smile. I try to whisper to myself that I'm fine. But that saddest part of being alone, is that there isn't even a voice there to whisper back that it's actually going to be okay.

No. I lied. The saddest part, is when I'm in a crowd of people. At school, or with "friends" and "family". Everyone's talking. Laughing. Then, there's me. I'm there, "participating", enjoying extroverted activities against my will. And yet, I leave sometimes worse than when I came. The disappointment of being there, but not being there. 

And others can't see it, either. I have this conflict inside of me. The loneliness versus the indifference verses the trying to live in the moment. It makes my face slanted. I look sometimes like I want to cry, but laugh at the funniest joke. Maybe I just look sick, because so many ask me what's wrong. I just wince, force a smile, or shake my head. 

Being alone, in general, is great for me. I love to spend that time to think, write, sing, be myself. But why, when it's in a public setting that I view myself, and others view me, as some weirdo who isn't social and hates people?

[Sighs. Picks up pencil and notebook and walks out.]

Lost without you...

And you don't want to find me...

So I ache inside...

But I don't tell you...

Because I don't want to push you

Further away...

So I suffer in silence...

Lost in this darkness...

Without

A

Guide...

And here is where I'll stay...

Unless you find me...

But I know you won't...

So I'm resigned to my fate...

Lost forever...

Alone...

In the dark...

Without you to hold me,

I die.