there are cracks

in the foundation

where she stands.

crumbling and

consuming her

problems as she

she stares out

at the fading sunset

and imagines her life

is the same way:

it's changing and beautiful

but disappearing

all to soon. she can't

decide if the sun is

willing to disappear

or if it's forced to.

if the sun pleads and

implores to stay

but the moon

casts it away,

or if the sun is tired of

being the light

in our world

and wishes we'd

leave it alone

to burn out.

she's come to find

people are committing suicide

either when everything's dark

or when a new day

is on the rise.

she would rather

have one last taste

of the sun's rays

caressing her face

before she decided

to completely

fade away.

she didn't want to leave

while surrounded by

darkness; her life's

like that as it is.

now some say it's a

fitting time to die

when the sun is

returning. a sign of

a new beginning

and of new life,

but she couldn't say

there would be a life

to start after this one.

her life doesn't

give her much hope

for another one anyway.

she just wants peace.

she wants full breaths

that don't feel like

violent threats

and suppressed memories.

she inhales the

city air: it's still warm

from the sun's charity,

and she embraces

this newly found

warmth.

she knows it's now or never.

she wants the sun and her

to fall together. she wants

to hold the sun's hands

as she falls into

what could be.

the closest thing

to love and intimacy

she's ever been,

or ever will be.

maybe the sun will

pick up her spirit

and cradle it

until they burn out

and consume our neighboring

planets in a wisp

of white,

blinding heat.

maybe everyone else

is wrong: what about any of this

is defeat?

what do we know about death

when we barely know anything

about ourselves?

Whether or not you believe

there is life after death

an eternal bliss,

or an eternal punishment,

I think there is worse.

Children-

our most vulnerable beings-

are robbed of their creativity.

Of their energy

and of their happiness.

The school system

strips us of original thought.

Students are "encouraged"

to think outside of the box

But when have history courses

taught a history other than the one

written by the victor

and why don't English courses

encourage reading works

by ethnically and ideologically

diverse authors?

School doesn't teach you

how to live,

unless living

is conforming to jobs

that are ideal

in a capitalist society.

What happened to dreams?

What happened to passion?

The ultimate demise

isn't the loss of the

temporary vessel

you call your body;

it is the loss of the light in your eyes.

The joy in your heart,

and the creativity in your soul.

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image: source unknown

How stupid it is, indeed

When we take our pills

And take in our sunshine

Just to die all the same?

The ultimate demise is when

You suddenly fall to the ground

And feel something crack

Then feel and think nothing

The ultimate demise is when

BANG! it resounds in your skull

And then a flash of regret

That'll mean nothing

The ultimate demise is when

"Ack!" the knife buries itself in you

And you bleed out your life in agony

Laying on the floor alone

The ultimate demise is when

You've been dead and buried

And the maggots are crawling into your eye sockets

And worms out of your nose and ears

The ultimate demise is when

You're dead and buried

And your gravestone is weathered down

You're forgotten for eternity

And that

Is truly the ultimate demise

They say one lives on until the world forgets their name

In that sense, you have met your end

You have truly died---

You have met your ultimate demise.

It's not that I miss you

Fighting through all these lies

Your chuckle and your smile

The twinkle in your eyes

It's not that I feel your absence

Your love of country times

Your boot heels on my couch

Your spirit in my life

It’s the reason that I messed up

And drove you so far away

When I should have kept you close to us

And always here to stay

But it’s too late to tell you now

How much you meant to me

But I’ll just have to settle on

Your precious memory to me

But it’s not for your loss

Nor the ashes in my mouth

But can’t escape your memory

It’s your birthday again today

Isn't that the lyric to a song that can really make you feel life and get it? Mmmmaybe not, but it's definitely something you're going to deal with here and there, sometimes more struggle than others, and then, not a'tall.

When I was nearing five or six, my care center took a trip to a nearby park. It was early, cloudy, and the perfect setting for anger. I remember having a less than favorable exchange of words with an older kid who took it to heart, looped a soccer ball and firmly thrust it into my stomach. I awoke a few minutes later with a massive headache I've never known before. I screamed out! I hadn't breathed, for all I knew I was dead in that time.

I'm nearing ten years in age and my school takes a trip to a classmate's house as they've evidently got all the activity you could wish for! A trampoline for the defiance of gravity, a huge jungle gym to climb and slide, and a zip-line for the ninja in us! All were enjoyed and the zip-line was ready to have it's turn, with the grip in hand I jump out to begin my zip...and the grip broke. As if Icarus knew gravity harsher than I. I embraced Earth with Atlas' back but it truly knew how much larger than I it was. My breath escaped...I became hysterical feeling similar to the park, believing I'd become unconscious due to the difficulty of breathing. I was not removed from the state of awareness.

In a time yet to be determined I will one day find myself without breath. I won't choose it. I won't know it is coming. The will I have indeed shall be removed and relegated to would. My eyes paled , lips chapped, and body emptied of it's hydration. Yet the demise will come in the loss of my breath, one final time, and because of it the cessation of my functions finalized. Lease is up and this unit is marked for condemnation.

I rode the Ferris wheel today

It's been so long I felt young

Kids were watching

I felt as if they saw my inner child

When the ride stopped

So did my joy

When did I get this old

So many memories

I want more

I yearn for the happiness

That these children have

Not the satisfaction from rewards

The pleasures of being carefree

The thrill of the chase

I want to play in mud

Chase dog tails and fireflies

The next time I see this wheel

I won't ride it

I'll be too old

Maybe I'll just grab a stick

And make swirls.

Volatility amongst siblings

Will be my demise

Unwashed towels,

Unmatched socks,

Unfound shoes,

Daily I die

Will I survive?

Make it to an empty nest?

Or will I slowly rot away

Amongst this teenage

Mess & decay?

Buying Calgon by

The bulk

Valium, Xanax, my turn to sulk

Some day not soon enough

I'll look back on these days so tough

And think to myself,

"that wasn't so rough"

I "demise"

My word for the day

Perhaps great sleep

Would give me something else to say

My thoughts are of annihilation

From the time I get up

Insistent on silence

Til I see the bottom of my cup

A casualty of

Insomnia, and lonely nights

It's the downfall of

The majority of all my writes

Quietly I evaporate

Into my work

Sporadically browsing

Fb to lurk

No longer asleep

Coffee hath revived

Instead of dying

I now feel alive

Painfully. In the rolling tumult of the turbid waters

That pulse and flow between the crushing wall of stone and iron,

It freezes close and cradles pain between those sweet

Nurturing folds of icy remorse and heartbreaking disgust - disdain.

Lungs filling in the surge of blackening desire,

I wash away into that fateful frozen night and forget the pain

And pass on into that sanctimonious light.

Forgotten here. Fated to die in the lime of hated disregard.

It stings the wounds and cleanses soul and heart alike.

As all fades, flickers into burning pitch and ash of broken hopes.

Letting go, flying into bursts of quiet agrimony, lilies

Falling from above, closing in around the precious pause of fate.