To get myself through the day, I often sing myself two Demi songs. (Surprise surprise) I often mutter the lyrics to the songs Warrior and Skyscraper under my breath. They help me live with myself as a person.

Warrior:

"Now I'm a Warrior

Now I've got thicker skin

I'm a Warrior

I'm stronger than I've ever been

And my armor

Is made of steel, you can't get in

I'm a Warrior

And you can never hurt me, again."

Skyscraper:

"So go on and try to tear me down

I will be rising from the ground

Like a skyscraper"

I’d say worry gets me through the day, because it is what I do with my time. But in reality, it keeps me from the day. I “get through the day” by thinking of when it will be over. I “get through the day” by looking forward to OTHER things/days/times. I mentally rehearse scenarios of future occurrences in my head, trying to uncover various potential outcomes that I’m “okay” with happening, should they happen. Then I think about the absolute worst outcome, and the “everything has fallen apart” crisis, and figure out what I would do if that were to happen, and if I can mentally prepare myself with that, and accept that as a possible future occurrence, worry lessens. These imagined scenarios both are a defense mechanism from worry, a way to (unhealthily) cope, and (most importantly and notably) a fuel for it to perpetuate.

I am still trying to figure out how to stop. Maybe it is as simple as “just stopping,” but I need more practical step-by-step instructions. Anne Lamott says “when all else fails, follow instructions.” I think having a 1, 2, 3, a, b, c sort of “this is what to do” when my mind gets out of control helps reign it in. So far, I vaguely pick and choose various coping mechanisms for my worry but nothing I practice like a habit, which is probably why worry still dominates my life.

Instead of “STOP!” maybe it’s as simple as 1-2-3.

1. Become aware of the spiraling. Accept it.

2. Look on the situation and yourself with compassion and non-judgment. Feel the feelings and be mindful.

3. Pay attention to the task at hand and be present in it. Give your all to it.

My therapist and countless books on mindfulness and the here-and-now/presence talk about eliminating problems by being aware of each moment. And there is a second part that involves changing one’s thinking. Louisa May Alcott states something to the effect of “I do not fix my problems. I fix my thinking. Then problems fix themselves.” I like this quote. An older therapist, specializing in CBT, to my utter fascination, stated that thinking differently can actually rewire one’s brain chemistry. This is excellent news! It means I am not doomed to be a product of my biology and genetic make-up. It means I can literally think myself into a healthier me.

Worry is debilitating. It’s a life-sucker. How I get through the day should change.

The satisfying aroma lifts me from my chambers, down the stairs and into the kitchen.

I breathe it in before taking a sip.

I let the warm, thick liquid rush through my body.

I smile. I finish it off, and decide to pour another.