You made me feel beautiful, adored; summer love in a faraway place as real as fairy tales. I didn’t mean to treat you bad, but I did it anyway. Some would say your life was sad, but you lived it anyway. When I said goodbye, you simply ran away – sweet relief. There were no tears to cry or words to say. A simple Judas farewell kiss. Until the fateful day, I saw you’d tripped the final line into the abyss, alone while others watched you suffer, or mistook your pain for narcotic bliss–so young to seek death’s final kiss.

"Your life is sad."

He spat this out with disgust evident in his tone, turning around and slamming the door as he left.

There was a time when he stood with me through it all; my highs and lows, my falling, my flying. There is a limit to a person's patience, however kind they might be. His wore thin eventually, watching me destroy myself slowly through every means possible. As I crumbled, when he would have once held out his hands to catch the pieces; now he simply watches.

"I lived it anyway." I mumbled at the closed door, waiting.

Stroking her hair, looking at pictures, I watched Nana's mind work. The little farm in Illinois. The sienna school photos of her and her twin sister. The picture of her mother, stoic and serene, and father, scarred from the war. Her little brother, who died of cholera as children. I thought maybe the memories trickled back, since she quickly bypassed the pictures of my grandfather, her first husband, and lingered on the pictures of her second husband, beautiful on the outside only. But then, she looked at me, teary-eyed and smiling, and whispered softly, "Your life is beautifully tragic, Anna."

We both know we shared something great, something real, and we can’t let our story end here. We’ve never been able to let each other go anyway. The past is far behind us now. You didn’t know you were breaking my heart, but you did. I didn’t mean to treat you so bad, but I did it anyway. I don’t want us to keep making the same mistakes. Tomorrow may hold a sense of fear, but maybe someday we could take our time to brush the leaves aside. Neither of us can leave this love far behind, so why try?

Sitting against your headstone, I leaned reaching to brush the leaves aside.

“I Couldn't share the pain, and watch you suffer! I hate heroin”, I cried out.

Memories began flooding my mind and our favorite songs like “Far Behind”, creating an eerie sadness in my heart.

“Some would say your life was sad but you lived it anyway. I never thought you’d touch it after seeing your parents flying oh so high. They left you far behind too”, I whispered.

All I see is you, in ICU hooked to machines on the cold day when you lost control.

I live with what I've known, that it was never me; you left me far behind because you knew you treated me unfairly. I guess you had your reasons, but I wish you could own up to your mistakes; let’s talk about it, share the pain. I could have made my own mistakes, crumble to the ground in defeat, but I would get back up and talk and apologize. Some would say your life was sad, but never me. That cold day when you lost control, I understood but you shut me out of your life. I’ll never understand why.

Looping roots grown together as time floats by on the breeze in ever shifting colors. Brush the leaves aside, look at were we've grown together, twisted so tightly I thought we could never be unraveled. You see I know how you changed, fearing I would do the same.

You ripped us apart trying to preserve me. But bare bloody roots are all that I still have. I would have stayed with you, but you left me far behind, not wanting me to change in the same ways that you had. I thought I should tell you I did it anyway.

Couldn't share the pain and...watch you suffer. They watch you suffer. You should've told me, but you left me far behind. But in some sense, one day, when people look at you, you'll feel shame. Shame you left my life so soon. See, I know, the pain. Now maybe I didn't mean to treat you oh so bad and then maybe some would say your life was sad but...you lived it anyway. They. Your friends they come and watch you crumble to the ground, they watch you suffer. They're the ones holding you down. And maybe, it was never me.

Now, who could have known that you're so soft? But you lived anyway, kinda. Still, it's a shame that you left my life so soon. I, on my part, had a lot of fun. Yeah sure, when you went off in your, be honest, unproportioned rage, you told me that you'd left me far behind long ago. You "just hadn't realized it yet". Babe. Come on. Everyone's responsible for their own feelings. It's not my fault you couldn’t cope with all the love I have to give. Anyway, watch out for the cold days. Seems you're no good with those.

“Oh, no, no, no no!” As you trip the final line, I said “maybe, maybe

I didn't mean to treat you bad”.

“I swear I didn’t realize that the shove would actually make you fall! You are so much bigger than me! And I mean you also do know; this race is serious business to me. A once-a-year event, being rewarded with a trophy by the principle himself. And you know she was looking at me!”

You looked down and said, “You care about her? But our shared glances, hangouts, I really thought some day we could take our time!”