Ha Ha!

Look at the fumbling narcissist

who thinks of himself as a condescending lyricist!

Those words

you spit in my face

are no longer acid to my insecure skin.

You poor thing. What a victim!

Oh, I’m such the bad guy again, aren’t I? Pfft!

The predictability of your type is well known to me, and

I am tired of being the bigger person sometimes.

And right now,

as you grace this afternoon in all your arrogant, critical flight,

I believe I will make you a well-deserved cup of tea.

It’s just how you like it, dear.

It’s exactly what you serve to me every single damn day.

I’ve never permitted myself to stoop so low,

by using your cruel and psychological tactics back onto you,

but I really must admit,

that for one shining minute,

one fabulously vengeful second,

I felt so courageous.

Empowered. Liberated.

A moment of pride burst in me for facing my fears,

finding my voice,

and standing up for myself!

I took the punch of a risk

in going to battle with a narcissist,

and I won.

(and, yes, I meant it!)

I meet Mean

in the middle

I Mean

we meet

I and Mean

in the middle

Like a punch

in the gut

I Mean

delivered.

Mean alone...

and I...

the Mean

to Me...

unequivocal.

01.13.2024

Did you mean it? challenge @AJAY9979

They made me laugh. And had me crying. Feeling stupid, fearful, furious, and jealous. Because I trust they’re lying. I find their jokes, quotable. And their quotes, notable. Never burdened by the fact it’s a bunch of bull.

It doesn’t matter what they look like. Makes no difference where they’re from. Their gender is a relevant. As is their religion, net worth, and age. I’m only drawn to what they’ve penned to page. And thereafter the pen names. Of those imaginations I’ve found ageless.

Love me

Love every part of me and kiss away the pain

Help me escape

Let the anxiety be from only being afraid

Of holding your hand or letting the butterflies make way

Tell me I’m ok

I’m beautiful in every way

I’m more than ok

Keep me safe and hold me close

Don’t let go and show me you know

That I’m not ok but you’ll be here with me

To help me fix the parts of me that are broken and blurry

I’m clingy I’m scared I’m insecure I’m scarred

I’m broken I’m losing myself but with you I’ll find some new parts

I’m panicking I can’t breathe

Catch me please

I need you here with me

And suddenly

I’m more at ease

As your arms wrap tightly around me

And your hands tangle my hair and your eyes stare at me

And you whisper to me sending kisses up and down my body

I can’t breathe

But in the best ways

I can’t think clearly

Making me feel loved making me believe

That maybe it’s a harsh reality

But with you I’m not so weak

You remind me

That I just need to love myself but you’ll always love me

Your lips press against mine our hands intertwine

I can’t seem to find what I was worrying about this whole time

I was always by your side. I cheered you on when your goals were met. I gave wholeheartedly to your successes.

We shared so much together. We loved the same books. We listened to the same music. You showed me yours and I showed you mine. We watched movies all curled up on the couch.

Now how did this happen? All my secrets have escaped. I am exposed; the whole world can see. There were things that no one else knew, except you.

Why would you do this? I don't understand? You are cold and avoid me at every turn.

I see you with the other girls, those girls that shot me down. You giggle and laugh like lifelong friends. What has happened?

I look back at all we had together. Late nights, karaoke battles, writing our play... Was it all a lie? Did you actually enjoy when you would rock out to my songs? Would you actually read the books I got you? When you said "I love you", did you mean it?

I rarely feel confident in something, rarely have a clear focused vision of myself. I am at every point overthinking my every action and word. All because of a boy. A boy I once loved more than anything in the world, more than sleep, more than food, more than all the stars in the galaxy. A boy that took a lot of my firsts, although he didn't so much as take them as I gave them. A boy who had walked miles in the cold to meet me on my back porch and talk with me, flirt with me, hug me. The same boy who stayed on the phone with me while we slept at night. I find it very hard to believe that the same boy also ripped my heart into pieces like it was a 1000 piece puzzle, but here I am aren't I? The two pieces of that puzzle I'm having the most trouble fitting together? "You are the first person I have truly loved," and "I don't think I can ever really be in a relationship and be happy." Yeah I know, I can't be upset that someone does not want a relationship with me, and I'm not. What breaks my heart, is that you still chased me after this, still let me hope, flirted and charmed me like everything was normal. Then after that? You ghost me, leaving me high and dry. Repeated this a couple times and eventually I just gave up on you. And you let me, like I was never important enough to you for it to be a hardship on you. So these puzzle pieces don't fit, and all I wanna know now is: "Did you mean it?"