Today

she wept for me

because she couldn’t comprehend

how incapable I was

at seeing the genius she sees

in her besotted stare.

Her face became

an estuary

where pity

flowed into disdain

as she was forced to remain a spectator

of my demise,

witnessing me

“Loving myself”

through sabotage

and degradation

while avoiding the mirror

like it was the plague.

I wallowed in it,

transfixed

by the destructive vortex

hellbent on sucking me under

instead of the line

she threw in

to save me,

one that would've incontestably

saved me.

And she stood there,

makeup smeared,

holding a limp rope

feeling lonely, scathed

and powerless

because the whole time

I’d been hurling the preserver

back at her

choosing to surrender

to drowning

over her loving embrace.

And I know it.

And it hurts me too.

And I’m sorry.

I regret it every time.

Today

my wife mourned me

because she didn’t understand

the darkness I live with

or how it sometimes

swallows me whole

where neither of us know

if it will spit me back out,

or take me under for good,

but mostly

she wept for herself

because I left her alone

again

to attend my funeral

for the three-hundredth time

and she

was just as heartbroken

as the first.

When will I learn

I need to kill the termites

eating away our foundation

before it all comes

crumbling down around us?

When will I learn to grab the rope?

This challenge immediately reminded of an Instagram reel I made that went horribly wrong. It was a game that told you what kind of animal you are, and then you were supposed to look up the symbolism of that animal and include it in your video's description.

I'm a roach.

I was mortified and immediately replayed the game a second and third time. The video is pretty hilarious, and I learned some very important things after I researched the roach as a totem animal. Here's some symbolic roach facts...

1. Roaches thrive in small, dark, hidden places. They represent the acceptance of your dark side. You might try to keep your flaws and shadow side hidden from other people, but you can learn to accept yourself.

2. Roaches have remained unchanged for 300 million years. They may not be the most loved creatures, but they are perfect specimens of survival and determination. They symbolize adaptation to evolving circumstances and situations without needing to change themselves.

3. Roaches are nearly impossible to kill. They do not go down without a fight. They can live without food for months, they can withstand fire and freezing temperatures, and they can even continue to live after being decapitated. They represent tenacity and unrivaled resilience.

4. Roaches are incredibly social creatures. They're not always the most welcome guest at your house, but they have plenty of their own friends and family backing them up. Roaches symbolize an ability to find your tribe of creepy weirdos just like you.

You can watch the Instagram reel at the following link if you'd like. You'll also get a bonus never-before-seen glimpse into part of my real life :)

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CglTg7KgMhV/?hl=en

No one knew how bad the problem had gotten... Madelyn sat on her front stoop same as ever, though paler everyone said in the end. Day by day the ledger grew in signatures. Condolences were proffered. Eminent domain was announced. The town said the place was infested; and maybe it was. All anyone ever saw was old Madelyn out on her metal chair, cigar in hand, or cold cola, and her cotton skirts bundled around. The exterminators found nothing. She said they wouldn't. She wouldn't budge, said they'd have to come take her. The day before they would have, and did, she died. That's when the coroner discovered it. What few folks knew, in rumor, that the stubborn broad was diabetic, with amputated leg; casualty of treatment refusal. It was no ordinary peg leg. Madelyn, as she sat and sat, was Royal Chamber for the termite king and queen. Whisper has it the colony had tapped her marrow and developed a special breed. Seems, they'd built channels in her stiff skirting, and took great care not to take too much from the central apartment. Madelyn walked stiff, and nobody gave it second thought, old age and negligence were cited, from the roadside. And a vaguely suspected infestation in that run down dwelling.

But when they took her, all the termites had already taken off...

10.08.2023

The Term challenge @kNoTeS