If I were to...
Only if I had the courage to call out their name,
But what was their name?
My words are slipping off the edge, incoherent.
Only if I could possibly see them,
But what did they look like?
Am I stuck on if?
Am I stuck on possibilities and statistics?
Is that why they left me?
Only if I could be normal, only if my thoughts would align with theirs,
If I were to throw myself away, everything I felt,
Only if I could, if I just could,
Would they love me then?
My Conditions
Only if he knows what it means to have sorrow be your neighbor.
Only if there is a sweetness and fierceness in his eyes that signals "rest here, no one will hurt you."
Only if he knows what joy means and finds it in the little things.
Only then, only if...
I will tear down the wall to this ragged heart of mine.
Only then, will I let you in.
Please don’t tell him.
Only if I truly loved myself could I feel loved by him without faking my love.
I don't love him. I don't love him. I don't love him.
Until now, I haven't said this out loud,
because I want him to love me, because I am selfish.
If only the feeling of being loved wasn't so satisfying,
if only it didn't make me feel superior,
I would love him too.
But I don't.
I wish I could, but I don't.
I don't wish on telling you this.
I don't want you to stop.
Buttercup, Darling –
"Only if you come to me..."
the last words that I spoke,
they ravage through my blackest sea,
they turned our love to smoke.
Regret it stalks me like a hulk,
if only I'd reversed...
and turned those silly sounds around.
Now, "If only..." I rehearse.
If only I'd have trusted you –
if only I had stopped –
if only I'd have seen right through –
if only I had dropped –
the subject on that fateful night
that turned our dreams to dust.
If only I'd have held you tight...
our love would beat the lust.
If only I had held my words,
if only I'd used my ears,
if only I had never cursed,
our seeds would grow for years.
If only I could let you know –
if only I could say...
that you're my heart, my mind, my dream –
and I'll never go astray.
I'll never break your heart again,
though broken, it is still.
I'll tape, and glue, and beg, and bend,
'til it can hold it's fill –
of love that I'll pour into it,
of trust, I'll always share.
My soul in two with you, I'll split –
to bring our Heaven here.
Until the nights, have longer days,
until the seas run dry,
'til all my soul's long debts are paid,
until the fall of skies –
I'll love you like the moonlight's rays,
I'll never leave your side.
I'll hold you close each long night through,
my trust I'll never hide.
"You are my life," I should have said –
if only I'd wrapped the words.
But regrets are here, and you have fled.
You've flown off with the birds.
#Challenge #Heartache #Regret #Alone
life is too long to forgive you
only if the sands of time
could slip down the
sides of the hourglass
a little faster
i would be able to forgive
to forget
to rush through healing in time
for the end,
a sprint towards happiness so i can die with no regrets.
but life is long,
grudges linger
and i have all the time in the world
to heal.
and if i get struck by a bus tomorrow
and die with my bitterness
will i regret not forgiving?
or will i be glad,
because maybe in death
i will finally realize
that my forgiveness is not deserved.
they may have my understanding
my pity
but never my forgiveness.
life is too long for that.
IF
If
Damned word
Word of damned
No if
No crossroads
the
swimming mists
words not understood
said too loud to deny
boulders falling on my back
to decide
to choose
if
moon is sun
left is right
if
me and destiny
if withered
its fruits rotten
if dying
and me with it
the only one
guilty
is looking at me
from my mirror
because of
if
word of damned
Only if I had one more day.
Only if I had one more hour- second- anything to be with you.
Only if I could remember you the way I want to.
Only if I had more time.
Only if God would have answered my prayers when I told him to not take you from me.
Only if I could hold your hand- warm hand- alive hand in mine.
Only if the universe could give back life to someone who cared so much about other people.
Only if you knew how worthy we all know you are- were.
Only if you believed you were worthy.
Only if I told you how much you meant to me- how much I love-loved you- how much I would miss you.
Only if you had an extra second of hesitation.
Only if I was enough for you.
Only if everything made sense.
Only if I had all the answers of the why's- unknowns of this confusing place we call our world.
Only if.
Only if.
Only if!
Only if: Day-hour-second- memory of time- answered prayers- warm hands- life- worthy of life-meaning of what your life meant to be- hesitation-enough-sense of unknowns-
Only if I didn't have to miss you for another day.