Been fifteen long years

Since I bid it goodbye

Never shed any tears

Had no reason to cry

Met a cute city boy

Settled down for awhile

Found myself some real joy

And a reason to smile

But like a god-damn farm hand down on my luck

All I got now's my dog and a new pickup truck

Didn't count on leavin'

Thought I'd stay here for life

Had no causes for grievin'

Was a happy young wife

Till our plans hit a wall

That I just couldn't break

Now he's keeping it all

'Cept this heart he won't take

And like a god-damn farm hand down on my luck

All I got now's my dog and a new pickup truck

So I bought a guitar

Found a new place to rent

That'll get me as far

As I wish he'd get bent

And one day I may play

This sad little song

You can move miles away

But the country ain't gone

'Cause like a god-damn farm hand down on my luck

All I need is my dog and a new pickup truck <3

she liked freedom

a little too much

her anxiety was

a little too loud

her heart

a lot to fix

and he didn't

have the tools

What went wrong?

That starry night

Don't prolong

The bluebird's flight

A beautiful day

Faded to twilight night

Nothing can stay

In the light

For the heart once strong

Shattered at dawn

"This wasn't the plan!" A voice screams at me through a smoky haze.

"You think I don't know that? What the hell happened?" I shout back, loosing patience.

"I don't know, Bluejay must have set off the explosives too soon? What do we do Crow?" The voice clicks into my head, It's one of my accomplices, Finch. No one knows eachothers names here, that was the deal. We all go by bird names. I'm Crow, the leader, Bluejay is our explosives girl, Finch is our tech guy, and Robin is the theif.

"Help me please!" a stray female voice pleads, grabbing at my ankles.

"I'm so sorry," I mutter at her, not sure whether she can hear me or not, but I keep moving. Our mission was set in stone, and we've got to follow through.

"Finch, do you have your computer?" I yell, trying to formulate a plan.

"Always!" he answers. His computer is conveniently slotted inside a briefcase that I don't think I've ever seen Finch without.

"Get the security systems down, and the air ducts all open, we need to clear this place out and finish what we started." I start walking towards where I think Finch's voice is. Determined to finish what we started.

"She wasn't supposed to die."

The words I had repeated every time I entered that godforsaken court room, or any time I spoke to an officer about the events of Monday night. I guess part of it was my fault, I should've warned her about the dangers of what she was taking, but who would've thought she would get so insane to take it all at once. It was just supposed to take the edge off, help her cope with the struggles of this strange game we call life, yet she chose game over, not just for her, but for both of us. She stripped me of the rest of my life by swallowing one to many pills. How was I the culprit? How was I the one to blame when she was the one who killed herself? She should be the one suffering for what she did to me. She wasn't supposed to die.

"Ms. Boyle, can you recall exactly what happened during the night of September 20th?" This would be the 100th time I'd be telling this story in the span of 7 days. You'd think by now my defense would have it memorized.

"Of course. Around 11 me and Erika met up in the alleyway in between the parlor and Ricky's tattoo shop, our usual spot. Erika stood in the alley as I walked in, clutching the bottle of pills. She handed me the cash, I handed her the pills, and we went on with our night." I had to act like I was sad, mourning the loss of a beloved client. But I could care less.

"What was this pill Ms. Marley was purchasing from you?"

"That would be Percocet."

"Was there any Fentanyl in this pill that you were aware of?"

"No sir." First lie of today. I'd been doing it my entire career. Sneak a little fenty in the drugs I sell, clients don't even know what they're addicted to, and come right back to me. It's never my intention to kill, only my intention to get rich.

"You're aware that she had died of a Fentanyl overdose, correct?"

"Yes."

"All she had taken was your pill. Was she aware there was Fentanyl in it?"

"No, I didn't know either."

"So, was this just a tragic accident, or is somebody lying here?"

"A tragic accident." I let a crocodile tear drip down my cheek before wiping it with the sleeve of my navy blue blouse.

"I rest my case Your Honor. My client did not know there was Fentanyl in the pill. While she isn't entirely innocent, her intention was never to harm. Why should she be charged for something that wasn't her fault?" I looked at the jury, seeming so, so sad. I bet it was all for me. My lawyer was the best in the biz. Charming, intelligent, really easy to deceive. The jury left to decide. My excitement was through the roof. All I had to do was serve a couple years and pay a fine.

Yet that's not what happened. I sit in prison years later thinking about what I had gone wrong. Was it something I did? It couldn't be. It was all her fault. If she wasn't so greedy, I wouldn't be her. That's what went wrong. Erika's an insatiable idiot that led to my downfall.

"She wasn't supposed to die."

Closeness that only the most intimately tied can have, and yet we are the most separated beings.

cars in the middle of the woods.

friendship?

laughing, and realizing what happened.

The most painful fall of a lifetime, for it is written in the law of relational beings that it must end in death.

what went wrong? I fell into the mire of love and its grasp on me is unrelenting.

I try to crawl out, grasping at the things around me.

Yet late nights and foggy windows grab me and drag me down.

im falling. Grasping for air, but all I can see is you swirling around me.

maybe i'll never know. maybe i was too young to remember. or maybe it's nature over nurture. what went wrong doesn't really bother me. i'm terrified of what might go wrong.

how could anyone love me? how could anyone stay after they realise nothing about me is permanent.

i'm so divine, so loveable. how could you not fall for me when i can fly? when i'm untouchable and life is so beautiful. when i'm above the clouds sucking juice from an orange, i'm a gallery of the most primordial joy.

when i stop flying and it turns out i was falling. i'm so desolate, so starved. how could you stick by me when i'm hurtling towards the earth in an arc of my own misery?

i promise something will happen. i'll go back to one of my vices, get too close to death. that's what could go wrong.

and then i'll be alone.

Pitter and Patter,

knew not what was the matter,

when the Mad Hatter

was heard screaming

and finally quieted when he sit her.

His daughter was plain as the nose on your face,

and both Pitter and Patter, often in their own haste,

would quickly sketch her face on paper in a quick race,

to capture her look,

like a well-remembered book.

But Pitter and Patter shrugged their shoulders and sighed,

knowing the truth of what was happening would be denied,

and so, they turned deaf ears away from the fiasco,

turning their attention to a somber Chacko,

whom only they knew, did love the Mad Hatter's girl.

Thus, they consoled him in his time of pain.

Then came the rain,

followed by a nearby roaring train.

It was all too much for any one brain,

that was when Pitter and Patter,

discarded the entire matter.

it was just too much neighborly cloak-and-dagger.

If I'm useless

Why am I so tired?

If it was meaningless

Why am I caught in the fire

Of my not being selfless?

If I won't go far

Where's this place I've reached?

If we don't belong with the stars

What's the point of the pain we breached

Only to end up as scars?

If I don't know much

What are these things I know?

If you don't miss my touch

Why can you not grow

Out of this hatred you clutch?

If I will never know love

What were those promises in your eyes?

If you haven't known love

What's the point of these hurtful lies?

........

I made a mistake

I hurt you

I'm sorry

Don't be afraid

I love you.

He meant nothing.

I s w e a r

Tell me what went wrong with us

When the line between love and hate started to blur

when we became strangers who shared a home

When staying up talking about our future turned into silent nights and separate beds

when stolen kisses turned into broken hearts

When our foundation started to crumble

Tell me what went wrong with us

when the lies began

and the truths tore us apart

when the secret affairs began

when working late turned into a long nights away from home

when the good morning texts and I love you's turned into secret messages hidden away

tell me what went wrong with us

tell me

was it us......?