“Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.” Khalil Gibran

Deserve: to do something or have or show qualities worthy of reward or punishment.

Thus, to deserve something requires some effort on our part. And whether or not someone deserves praise or recrimination, gold or coal, is not for the person to decide. Someone or ones outside of ourselves set the standards and decide whether or not we meet or exceed them, and what we deserve in return. (Despite the title, I am not talking about all the marketing that says you (everyone with disposable income) deserve the best car, insurance, diabetes-inducing coffee drink or soda, whiskey, artery-hardening hamburgers, etc.)

What are you owed? Nothing.

Outside of payment for services rendered, based on the employment contract you accept, no one owes you anything at all.

It would be nice if your parents loved and cared for you, gave you a roof over your head, food to eat and an education/opportunities that might aid you in your efforts to become an independent, self-sufficient human being, but, no one is owed the jackpot of all parents. We are the result of a race: the fastest sperm breached the egg. All seven plus billion of us. (I know, minus the IVFers.) Anyway, what makes anyone of those billions deserving of the situations, bad or ideal, into which they were born? Certainly nothing they did. We have no control over where, when or to whom we are born.

It would be nice if when we work hard, we reaped rewards of some sort – a raise, a promotion, an A+ on a test or paper, a word of appreciation for stellar work or behavior. But if you only work for someone else’s response, you may end up quite frustrated. You can work hard and never get that promotion. A bully may never be disciplined and good behavior may go unnoticed. You have no control over other people’s responses or actions, or the wrenches life tosses into the mix. One of the few things we can control, however, is our attitude or response towards all that life throws our way, good or bad.

Study to learn. Be kind because it makes the world a better place for you and those around you. Work for self-fulfillment; for the pleasure of knowing you did your best; to pay your bills. Not for a pat on the back you think you deserve.

Don’t confuse what you want or desire with something deserved: if you tie your happiness to something distinctly out of your control (nearly everything), you make a difficult life more challenging.

Dale Carnegie has some great quotes related to happiness:

“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.”

“Happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions; it is governed by our mental attitude.”

And my favorite: “Two men looked out from prison bars: one saw the mud, the other saw stars.”

I hope you are a stargazer.

I could never accept it

But I knew that it was there, somewhere

Locked in a safe, trapped in a maze of

Denial and self-deprecation

It's shriveled up and neglected after years

And years of shoving it aside.

I used to feel it when I was younger,

Embrace it even,

When I was a different person.

I used to think that I wasn't any better than anyone,

That I wasn't special enough to have it.

Yet, as I grow, I am learning.

Slowly accepting myself for who I am,

And who I should have always been.

I know it will take time, maybe my whole life

Before I can truly believe.

But maybe someday

I can accept the love that I should've given myself

When I refused to give.

I deserve much more punishment, wrath, and rejection than I receive. But God has been good, and even when I feel as though I am being punished, rejected, or revenged upon, I am shown other delights which I do not deserve that shine through the bleakness of my existence, and how I perceive my life should be, in accordance with my actions throughout it: Painful. It should be never ending pain at every corner, but even when the pain is reigning in my life, I cannot help but notice the little blessings which remind me that I have it better than I should.

Don't you know

it doesn't always come out clean?

When I feel low

sometimes I accidentally scream.

I'm owed some time to ride the wave

and for you to understand

that today I didn't feel like rhyming.

I didn't feel like having feeling

in my fingers and toes or the tingle in my face

when the anger starts to bubble and puts you in your place,

but it's not what I mean to say

and you should know that

because you know it's not

the no mess "I feel" statement coming out of my mouth.

It's the tangled convoluted shout I wailed aloud

across the room, but I think

I deserve a mistake without

upsetting someone I never meant to hurt.

I deserve sympathy without

judgment for my selfish thoughts

when I tell you what I won't tell reality.

I know my words have no validity

I still wonder if my feelings do

I still wonder about the difference between deserving and desire

I still wonder about you

Do I want what I deserve or deserve what I want?

The typical saying, "everything happens for a reason" seems to be a trend when it comes to my life. As a twenty year old girl living in this crazy world it is hard to realize the worth of being human and life events. It is one thing after another after another. Although I am not entirely sure I believe everything happens exactly for a reason, there is faith in knowing that a negative situation could lead us to a better path more sustainable for ourselves. I feel as though we give and we give to people who likely are not worthy of all the giving. If you feel less deserving of receiving what you put out into the world just know that eventually it will be worth it and come to you. You are human and undoubtedly deserve all of the happiness regardless of any mistake or life change. When you give more than you receive take a step back and think, "Why am i putting an effort into something that cannot satisfy me." Life is so short, wasting time on someone or something that ultimately does not build you up is a silent killer. Focus on yourself, what you want and need and do not let anyone ruin that for you. You are worthy of everything good in this world. Everything works out in the end.

It is what it is. Obsessing over what you don't have is the key to unhappiness. This world is cruel, so I think everyone goes through rough times. Rather than constantly thinking of yourself as a "victim" though, you should eventually move onto being a "survivor." You may also have things that make up for it. For example, I don't think I deserved being bullied for a good chunk of my life, but on the other hand, I don't deserve my parents catering to me so much either. Thus, while I was a "victim" of bullying, I have good parents to help me get through hard times and continue to assist me in ways I may not deserve.

Regardless though, rather than worrying about what has happened to you or what you don't have, you should look towards the future and move towards what you want and need. Hard work eventually pays off. Use your experiences to create a better future for you, others, and the world.