i am, in most contexts,

a sliver of human,

a spec of light in a

never-ending sky.

i am, at times,

a locked box of emotion,

for fear, for fear,

and silent as a void.

i am, when i'm lonely,

wilted and jaded and

angry at the world

for leaving me in this life.

i am, at night,

a whirring, ticking time-bomb

of a brain, clacking away

thoughts like a broken typewriter.

i am, while i'm alone,

shamefully whimsical,

grotesquely optimistic,

satisfyingly sour.

i am, around many,

breezily agreeable and

excellently pleasant,

an orderly façade.

i am, with few,

excruciatingly lovely,

bubbling with wonder,

spilling words i never ever say.

i am, at my best,

a mere human being,

a shimmer of light in a

vibrant and boundless sky.

I am a child who misses her parents...no matter how old we get...that loss is present.

I am a mom who loves her son.

I am a widow - which still sounds strange to say.

I am a "what time do we ride" friend.

I am a teacher who worries that I see kids growing up way too fast in a way too crazy world.

I am a student of life - still learning all I can.

I am a southern drawl y'all. I can take a two syllable word and turn it in to six syllables.

I am someone who appreciates the beauty of nature and the older I get the greater the appreciation.

I am someone who loves to hold a book...nothing will ever replace that feel. You can have your ebooks - I want to turn that page.

I am someone that thought I knew my family history although there was one mystery...mystery solved and along the way I found seven patriots in my family. Who knew?

I am a lover of Blue Bell Ice Cream - Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, The Houston Texans (yeah, I know...but you got to have faith).

I am someone who is happy blaring Don Henley, The Eagles, The Boss and George Strait. I am someone who loves to two step and play tennis. I am a country girl living in the suburbs. You really can take the girl out of the country but no way can you take the country out of her.

I am most importantly His and I know He created me for a reason and I believe He is getting me there. The scenic route to finding out who I really am - who I was meant to be is an awesome ride - bumps and all.

I am a lover of poetry.

A keeper of my husbands secrets.

A loyal dog owner.

A fighter of my mind.

A curious caged bird.

A knowledge absorbing Libaray.

A student of architecture.

I am resilient and I won’t back down.

I am a mom, a sister, a cousin, a friend.

A leader, a follower, a provider to the end.

A lover, a wife, a husband at times.

A genius, a mentor, and eyes for the blind.

A poet, a writer, an illustrator and more.

A publisher, a barber, a contactor for your door.

A grandma, an aunt, a shoulder to cry on.

A listener, a phone buddy

When the nights are boring.

I am truly all of the things you are reading now.

I can be anyone you need when you are feeling down.

simple questions are often the hardest to answer.

"who are you?"

surely I'm more than a name,

but that's all that ever seems to come to mind

as I rack my brain, trying to find

a response that will satisfy

the question.

and of course,

I respond with my name.

unable to determine if I am

anything of substance beyond the moments

in which I remember that I exist.

sometimes I wish

I was the same human being

back in the summer of 2018

halfway across the world

wandering the streets of a city

in a country full of people and languages

I simply did not know.

an adventurer. or an artist-

at least, in the days after.

in the time spent

longing to be that person again

I settled for the liquid removal

of inhibitions just to get close

to what the best moments of my life felt like:

free. completely.

and maybe my name could mean that...

except

they always repeat it back to me incorrectly.

Amazing

Blessed

Cousin

Daughter

Elegant

Faithful

Granddaughter

Happy

Independent

Jesus -Follower

Knowledgeable

Loving

Musical

Niece

Odd

Person

Quiller

Reader

Sister

Tall

Unique

Writer

Xtraordinary

Young

Zippy

(That sounds like I'm bragging, but it really hard to come up with stuff when you're doing the letters of the alphabet. :) I'm really quite humble.)

I am someone who was told about rock bottom and then hit it harder than Britney Spears in 2007. I am a writer because I’ve seen people hit it even harder than that and they are my heroes.

Funny how genetics are so often to blame but it is easier to blame me. I didn’t take your call on my birthday because with our time difference, I knew you were already obliterated.

I am someone who can’t change the past. I am someone who has moved on, gotten the spiritual tattoo, forgiven myself for believing in the words of those who really just needed help themselves.

I was once a fragment of what a happy girl was supposed to be.

My life spiraled down a dangerous path and any happiness I once had had been squeezed from me.

But a light parted my fog and lit my soul aflame. My chains didn't just fall, they shattered, and I was free.

So when people ask me who I am, the first thought that comes to mind is simply this:

I am a daughter of God, the One who took the time to help me out of the ruble when no one else would.

In the sun I am a monstrosity

A black hole of hunger

Hated and ravenous

The children run from me

They toss stones and sticks upon me

Casting them aside like ash

Black silhouettes on the wall

None shall ever eclipse me

Nothing man made

Will extinguish me

From the face of the Earth

What is it they say about me?

And expect me to appear

I am not simply a mouthful

Muttered and spat out

Cursed under every breath

More than destruction

I am creation

Beauty in some beholding eye

Mother who birthed all of the night’s shadows

Who imprinted onto me like hatchlings

Fed from my flames

And bathed under my light

When my back is to the morning

Don’t be fooled

I am always dreaming

Never sleeping