Rita the Cheetah
They won’t let my cheetah in the Home Depot,
but they let in dogs, so I told’em so!
”Why do you hate cats, I’d like to know?
Is the manager here a feline-a-phobe?”
”No, no no!” They said. “He’s a helluva guy.
Who would never make cheetahs wait outside!
We don’t discriminate against those with a pride.
That sign on the door is meant as a guide.”
”Ah,” I said, and in we went,
my cheetah and I, for a shopping stint,
with the aisles to ourselves, but for one old gent
who called “Rita” pretty, then smiled and bent…
He reached out a hand, to scratch her head.
A mistake by him that hurt and bled.
”I’m gonna sue!” This geriatric said,
as he asked for my name, number, and creds.
”Why do you want them?” I asked the man.
”You can’t write them down with only one hand,
besides, you are addled if you think I can,
afford to settle up to your demands.
No, what you should do is to sue the store.
A jury would give you so much more
if you told them the sign was removed from the door
that kept out dogs and cheetahs and boars.”
The old man’s eyes went wide with delight.
Endless possibilities dangled in sight.
What good is a hand, when money is tight?
Better to lose it, and sue for your rights!
But before the man made it out of aisle two
Rita devoured the rest of him too.
Her aptitude losing to her attitude…
I think on our next trip, we’ll go to the zoo!
My boyfriend(’)s mother!
So I guess everyone had that time where they meet the family of their boys or girls and it's always a bit awkward but it takes only a few minutes to become way more awkward.
So I went to my boyfriends house to celebrate his birthday and I met his mother and brother. His brother was ok and pretty cool actually so I had no problems there but his mother, well she was something.
She started talking about an ex of his and not in a good but in a bad way. I know I should be happy that she was saying bad things about her but she wouldn't stop talking about her and it gave me mixed feeling but more I felt awkward.
When my boyfriend left the room for few minutes she started telling me of how he used to bring other girls home and that he was talking to older women. I just wanted to drown myself and mostly leave cause I could see that she is a trouble mother.
Every time I go to my boyfriend's house, all I want is to go to his room and stay there with him. Honestly I don't know how to react around her, she is something.
*any advise could be useful*
SO, when I was around three, I think was excited for something, because I was skipping in the grocery store(like ya do) and I ran in to a really big wine display(3-4ish ft.) Practically knocking down the whole display-they let us go free of charge. Another one, I was at the dole pinnaple plantation with my friend, and I'm alergic to pinnaple. and the only non-pinnaple thing they had was a chocolate covered banana(my friend got a dole whip) they happend to be sold out of the banana's. Then my friends mom was like, "oh yeah she's allergice to pinnaple." I got a wierd stare from the lady at the cash register.
I have had a quite a few awkward moment in my life.. who hasn't?! One of the most memorable ones (the only one I can think of off the top of my head), is when I once mistaked someone else for my dad...
My dad is a firefighter you see and they were having this small party at his recruit school and I was there with my mom and brothers. I saw someone who looked exactly like my dad from behind and I ran up to him went to hold his hand.. until I saw It wasn't my dad. It has been awkward running into him since.
Another awkward time was when I was standing at the bus stop for school and all the girls kept giving me compliments... it was so weird. They kept saying my hair was amazing, that I had a great nose, and pretty eyes. They all said I always smell good... like what?! I put on sunglasses once standing there and this boy said I looked like a super model... I mean why... whyyyyyy!