Taste my soul

rolling on your soft tongue.

Instinctively know

who I am.

Inhale my creative rush,

savor thought pearls,

swallow my essence.

Discover diamond drops

of memory, enhanced

by ginger tang sparkles,

residing under my skin,

drawing us together

to relish our unspoken words

residing under our skin,

silver syllables dangling

from mind baubles,

escalating talents

of inherent instinct,

shimmering surface

radiating to senses.

Look into my eyes

taste and breathe

who I am.

Someone who loves books,

Someone who loves writing,

Horses and horse back riding.

A female with dirty blond hair and blue gray eyes,

Five foot two and still growing,

Light skin and unpainted fingernails.

Lost in my own world,

Not into social media,

Crazy normal,

Because normal people aren't,

History,

Science,

Reading,

Math isn't my style,

Lound country music in my dads truck I'll take,

Windows down and laughter,

A puppy at my side.

This is me.

My name is Jenevieve Alex Hardison

but who I am as a person is a complex thing lol.

I’m an 18 yr old girl that’s 5″1′ with wavy brown hair and green eyes.

imma just dive in, like I do off the cliffs of California, never ever looking before I leap.

I’m an Adrenaline Junkie to put it simply...if it’s dangerous, dumb, or you say “don’t do it” I’m going to do it if I haven’t already. it’s not that I want to die all the time but I’m not scared of dying. My friends say I have depression and I guess they’re not wrong but we all have monsters... don’t we?

I’m into Boxing, Camping, Cliff Diving, Music(i do covers and originals), Mtn.Biking(some of my fav. trails are at Fire Mtn. in Cherokee, NC).

My soul longs for adventure and my veins are filled with Wanderlust and...Ambien.

I live off-grid in a dry cabin, so naturally, as you may imagine I don’t share a lot of the views most girls my age do. which leads me to my next topic...

I’m not an above-average violent person or I don’t think so... but I will have to say talk is cheap and if you wanna run your mouth at me you better be ready to back it up because if you don’t watch it your gonna have a left hook at your face followed by a right-handed jab and an armbar.

I’m Studying Medical Sonography (AAS) and will graduate in three more years as a certified medical sonographer with a bachelor’s degree in science.

I love The Office, Parks, and Rec., Brooklynn Nine-Nine just to name a few shows, and FYI I was watching the Office waaayyyy before it was cool so don’t put me in the new Office loving group with all the other fakes. (also anything MARVEL)

My favorite drink(s) are Kombucha, Tequilla, Coffee, and Milk.

I don’t know what else to say without revealing too much about myself so um..yeA

It's not enough. I am - what? For some reason I think of Virginia Woolf, who had a room of her own, and also stones in her pockets. Do we die for art, or does art die with us?

I'm not actually that retrospective. I'm just a girl. An administrative assistant who writes poems under her desk on post it notes, hoping to god today isn't the day someone empties the trash and finds out about my existential crisis.

I have forgiven my enemies. My mother is sincere now, and I am fond of her absolute disdain for everyone. When I was a child, she would throw things and chase me and call me unspeakable names, and I learned to internalize it as one does. Therefore, I am convinced everyone hates me. But her vocabulary is utterly fantastic and I laugh heartily at her mockery of others, her ability to laugh at what is utterly ridiculous.

I am a psycho. I count out the number of times I read sentences because I am anxious I will get the meaning of them wrong. I am convinced cameras are watching my every move at work. When I write those aforementioned poems under my desk, I make sure the person reading them will be entertained, so there's always some comedy to my madness. I do not forward emails because won't the sender know? They won't. That's the point.

In a panic, I text people back whom I haven't responded to in days because I was writing and submitting to contests. I refresh my email twice a minute. I apply to new jobs, eager and desperate to not have an old crow of an office administrator tell me to file the paperwork for a third time in one day. I'm done. And I am over it.

In 2018, I spent New Years Day at McLean, a mental hospital where Sylvia Plath and other illustrious poets slept and ate while overly medicated. I saw the ball drop at midnight and heard a song sung, one I hated at the time but now relish. It reminds me of sickness and being utterly out of control. Nostalgia, if you will.

I don't remininsce often, I am far too tired and still hopelessly medicated into sedation. But one thing I know for sure is: I'm still figuring out who this body is. I breathe. But do I think? For myself, about anyone else at all?

It is hard being mentally ill, harder to fight it, easiest to write about it.

I am simply a little bit of a lot of things.

A little bit ordinary

A little bit strange

A little bit awkward

A little bit sweet.

I’m someone you wouldn’t look twice at on the street, I suppose

And you wouldn’t see me in a crowd

Though you might hear me whistling as I walk by with my hands in my skirt pockets.

If you glanced in my direction I might, just might wink at you, because I sometimes forget that winking is not always appropriate

and if you happened to watch me from a distance when I thought no one was looking, you might very well see me skipping because I am little bit girlish.

If you only looked you would find that I am a little bit foolish

Perhaps a little bit wise

A little bit whimsical

A little bit discontent

And a little bit peaceful.

I am a little bit quiet but it isn’t because I don’t have anything to say ... It’s just that I don’t always know how to say it, you see. I cannot start or end but I can give the middle, if you’ll only begin. Please just try.

Because maybe I can make your heart just a little bit less heavy.

I have some silly stories and cheerful words that will make you smile just a little bit more

And I make tea a little bit too hot

With a little bit of milk

And a little bit of sugar

If that’s what you like.

I get embarrassed just a little bit too often

I may be just a little bit too clumsy

And I laugh a little bit too much

But I like to wonder

If that makes me a little bit more loveable.

When I lie awake at night

And when I go for walks

Or sweep the floor or wash the dishes

I dream about the kind of things I could have done and the kind of things I will do

And I have a little bit of difficulty voicing my simple thoughts

but if you asked I might tell them to you.

I am just a little bit of a lot of things

but

I have plenty of love in this heart of mine

And if you just take a moment to stop and listen and look

Maybe I’ll give you a little bit of it.

Who Am I?

I am the one who is listening to the thoughts in your head.

I am the watcher.

I just AM.

I am not a label. I am not a writer. I am not a mother. I am not my job. I am not a woman.

I just AM.

I am not my feelings. I am not sad. I am not happy. I am not depressed.

I just AM,

Just as you ARE. 

Who am I

You wanted to know

Sure, fine,

Let’s open this door.

Hello, this is me!

And this is my room,

The place where I hide

Myself and my truth.

For those who came in,

Take your seats and enjoy,

Not everyone can,

Hear my real voice.

This voice always says:

“ I live in Ukraine and I am 22,

I am young and strong woman,

But the only thing that I value

Me - being a human.

A human that breathes,

That one that feels,

That loves or that hates,

Who laughs and who cries,

And that one that lives,

And who makes mistakes.”

You think: “Nothing special”,

And I do agree,

Cause my simplicity,

Has master’s degree.

Well, I can continue

Tributing to myself,

There are lots of gold treasures,

On my character’s shelf.

But it’s better to stop,

Cause you’ll fall asleep or maybe in love,

But the issue is that,

I taught me to put my own self above.

(I am better at essays but why not trying something like this, please don't judge too much)

A simple question,

yet so dreadful to answer.

I am

you’re stronger

you’re better

you’re smarter.

I am perfection.

Perfection that haunts

every damn day.

Striving is killing me,

I am depression.

I am aniety.

I am PSTD.

I am perfection!

I am hiding behind mistakes

Hiding behind texts

Hiding from life.

I am

you cope better,

you’re the stronger one

Thats how I raised you.

I am not her who needs help

I am independent

I am perfect

I am not allowed to make mistakes

so

I am hiding from life

@Jenevieve

#WhoareU

The wrong one. That’s what I have always been. There isn’t a safe space to explain all the pain that I’ve caused. The autism spectrum is not made for people like me, even though it should be. I am also a pretty girl, with pretty girl problems. We aren’t always expected to talk so much, or think so much. The adhd part of me doesn’t know what to do with that. I’ve broken a lot of men. Not on purpose. This is not written for sympathy of any kind. I wouldn’t know what to do with that. I am perfectly fine with who I am. Mostly because it has taken every ounce of energy to push that person forward. I no longer apologize for her. You either accept me or you don’t. I could care less. I could also care more. I don’t have the attention span to hold on to other people’s thoughts. I’m working on building a filter. It has yet to arrive. All I can say is this is the best version of me. And I am happy I took the time to make her come alive again.

*clears throat*

I AM:

An Artist. I sculpt, work with clay, used to design & make my own beads and

jewelry...somewhere back in time in another life it seems these days. People say I’m

good with my hands, I have talent, I’m blessed.

A Dog Groomer.

A Writer. Well, I hope you will feel so inclined to think that way anyway after reading

this.

So, WHO am I? Im justa girl, some would say woman because I’m 62 this year that’s caught up in a very extraordinary and unique situation called life. I know, Right! True it may not be the life I want just yet but hey, I’ma work in progress and I haven’t quite been taught everything I need to know. I’m still learning. I hope I never stop learning, long after I die, because I’m just losing my body then, not my life. Maybe until I just fade away is a better thought. I have been a Dog groomer since I was 17, met my only husband in 1981 & was with him until 2006. Walked away from him & the meth we were doing, haven’t touched in over 8 almost 9rs now. Unfortunately turned to crack & it took me down in 2yrs, ALLL the way down. Lost all I had even my 12yr old dog who died 2wks b4 I was able to come get him. That hurt cuz I never got to say good bye....

Found my Lord & Savior while in jail. I have learned soooo much on my journey & wouldn’t change 1 thing if I could....well...maybe 1-2 things... ;) When I sought God; He changed my life, told me I matter, gave me my words then let them get stolen. I got pissed & wouldn’t play no more. So He put me through Hell. Now Satan’s tired of me too. There’s things you learn in Hell too. I was showed even though it’s not your fault if your cursed it’s still up to you to break it, and to not make deals with the devil...I learned about the Bible in Hell as well. I’m using too many words, sorry. I have a tendancy to overkill!

I never learned about morals in school 'cept maybe the definition of it. They took God outta schools, so we can't learn about Him or His ways unless their parents frequent a church. & People, there's a lot of us that don't even care to go, much less teach our children about Him. Or if it's not God, then Allah. Or Buddha, whoever. Shouldn't children have a choice in deciding what they want to go through life believing? Anyway, I'm veering off course. I do that a lot...lose my focus. If I'd have been young in this generation I would have probably been on meds much sooner than I was. Lol (I have Schizo-Effective Disorder; Heavy depression with schizophrenic episodes) I'ma Leo, big on my pride. I'm proud of things I've taught myself; I researched web page coding until I could put up my own pages on the net, my career, I never went to school for. Proud of my the morals I've picked up on too: I will not become what I hate; revenge is God's & He's got a sister that goes by the name; Karma. Or Do right, right things happen and The Zoroastrian creed: Good Thoughts, Good Words, Good Deeds. My occupation was learned as well as shared with those I had the pleasure of working with.

Thanx for letting me share!

*steps down offa soapbox*

TC & God Bless Julz