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Challenge Ended
it's not your fault
Ended March 18, 2021 • 19 Entries • Created by ColdRamen
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it's not your fault
Profile avatar image for TeaRise
TeaRise
96 reads

Blackened lies

I never blamed you

—but now I do.

you see

growing up I didnt see

that, father, you were harming me.

I was thirteen

“living the dream”

as I counted my breaths

knowing how easily I could erase the freedom of one.

Did you even try to stop me as I tried to die?

(youletmyheartdie)

I never blamed you for you were my hero

who would save me from the slaps of your lover, my mother, by being there to "hug the pain away".

but now that you’ve shattered my rose coloured glasses with your own fists

do I see

you hovering in the corner

while you watched us bleed

hovering in the world of liquid lies

as you slipped away to “this is a paradise”.

and I never blamed you

for you were hurting too.

but you are my father

and I can’t help but wonder if the whole in my chest wouldn’t feel so empty

if the weight on my shoulders wouldn’t feel so heavy

if the headaches in my soul wouldn’t happen so often

if all this couldve been prevented

if

you

were there.

But. I didn’t blame you because you didn’t directly hurt us like mom.

but you still hurt us

by slipping away when we needed you the most

and randomly showing up at our side while we were in tears

as you told us it was “okay”.

but it wasn’t okay.

white lies are fine

but you crossed the line

when you let her commit the crime of abuse

and then let her again

and then let her again

and continue to let her

and tell us that you’re “doing it for us”.

white lies turned black like the ashes of our hopes and dreams, can’t you see that you harmed us just the same?

So.

I don’t blame you; but I’ve become to hate you.

23
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Challenge
it's not your fault
Profile avatar image for nightscribbler
nightscribbler
91 reads

Dear Little Girl

A letter to my younger self

Dear little girl,

It’s not your fault

your talents were

suppressed, scolded,

snipped at the sign of

the first green shoot.

It’s not your fault

your questions were not welcomed

but shunned, feared, ignored,

it's not your fault

your doubts were demonized

to the point of timid compliance.

It's not your fault, dear heart, that

the river of your consciousness

was diverted, gathered at its head

and sent down a channel

rife with craggy stones and

knife-toothed dangers.

In many ways, you are

a product of your past,

your misguided authorities,

your ignorant peers.

You were nurtured, tended,

attentively trimmed,

to be an identical duplicate

in a topiary garden.

Your life was a series of

rigid expectations,

cultivated to a set of

unswaying provisions,

it's not your fault you were

unaware of the

unconventionality

of your carefully curated life.

It's not your fault

you were never allowed to be

all you could have been, all

you were meant to be.

It's not your fault, little soul,

your sense of wonder,

independence, insatiable curiosity,

were traded out for

pliable congruity,

molded, pressed, perfected,

then fired to completion,

and it isn't your fault that

you're starting to crack under

a pressure that never

should have been yours.

Take heart, darling girl,

it's not your fault,

I love you, for all that you are,

love every part of your

wide, innocent heart.

You are unique, intelligent,

brimming with life,

your potential brighter than

even the moon herself.

Be strong, my love,

it's not your fault, and

given the odds, you'll

grow up remarkably well.

Have faith, little one,

you will rise again,

despite the wrong

your power will dawn and

you will come back strong,

stronger than you know.

So hold on, dear girl,

you'll be there soon,

sooner than you think,

and not a moment too late.

Love, Your Future Self

18
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Challenge
it's not your fault
Profile avatar image for Moonsinger128
Moonsinger128
52 reads

blameless

it's not your fault

that things have changed

it couldn't be prevented

just try and accept

what is now permanent

like ink on glass

broken on the concrete

16
7
3
Challenge
it's not your fault
Profile avatar image for thisisit
thisisit
97 reads

Shaken not Stirred

Life is like a cocktail menu:

too many choices, expensive,

and only after many rounds

of choosing the wrong one

do you finally feel something,

and by then you’re on the ground.

And it’s not your fault

they won’t look you in the eye,

an apology over alcohol

never goes down like a whiskey sour.

11
5
2
Challenge
it's not your fault
Profile avatar image for champagnepoetry
champagnepoetry
52 reads

not to blame

it's not your fault that i have abandonment issues

because my father left before i was born, to start a new

family that i would not be welcomed to be apart of.

so im sorry if i get sad when you leave or get

nervous when you dont talk to me for few days

because i'll start to think you dont want to stay, after all

what man would stay if my own father wouldnt?

please dont think it's your fault that i have trust

issues because the lover that came before you laid his

head on my chest and listened to me talk about how afraid

i was of being left broken hearted my a man once again, all

while he was deciding that i was pretty enough to fuck

but not good enough to mean it when he said he

loved me too.

i wouldnt want you to think it's your fault

that i cry when youre upset with me or silent

for too long because i start to over think and tell

myself that youre just going to fade away when things

get difficult because im too much to handle

too sarcastic, too much attitude, too sensitive

8
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Challenge
it's not your fault
Profile avatar image for TheCaptainsWife
TheCaptainsWife
46 reads

Fernweh.

It’s not your fault,

but the irony is not lost on me.

It’s not your fault that I got a double dose of wanderlust

my family tree is full of pirates, sailors and wreckers on one side

drovers, vagabonds and swag men on the other.

there will be no tying me down.

but that’s just family stories you say, there’s no proof

true, there are no traces, they died on the high seas, in ditches or out on the moors.

The few who where honoured with a church yard burial were never nailed down with stone or cross. They traveled lightly, my forbears.

It’s not your fault that I cannot resist the pull of the horizon,

be it on a boat, train, plane, or on foot step by single step

the need to travel is only beaten by the need to breathe.

It’s not your fault.

Oh, but how I fester and seethe,

You send me photos of music festivals, bonfires on the beach and the latest from your road trip.

You, who chose safety, have freedom

I who chose to roam, find myself in lockdown.With only the government sanctioned exercise to sooth me.

It’s not your fault.

But the irony is not lost on me.

7
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Challenge
it's not your fault
StormAtSea
38 reads

Its not your fault

Darling, you were always my favourite. I lived for you. Would have died for you. But somehow I lived and you died.

That fateful day when your heart beat its last, I was there, waiting by your bedside for the moment that would free you from the pain.

As I watched you fade away, I didn’t think of that truck. I didn’t think of the wedding that we had planned for in the summer. I didn’t think of how I would live with the guilt of having survived the accident. All I could think of was that golden day last summer when you took my hand in yours and danced me around the garden, smiling mischievously as I waited with bated breath, never asking the question yet asking it in every way unspoken until I finally couldn’t wait and asked it myself. I remember your uproarious laugh at having outlasted me.

And I cried as I watched you, knowing it was I who would outlast you and not wanting it, hating it, hating myself, hating that truck.

Yet here I am, at the altar, with my husband-to-be. Wondering whether this was wrong even as I watch him smile lovingly at me, wondering if his love will conquer my guilt, break the invisible shield of blame that I have built around myself. He knows. I’ve told him and yet here we are.

As we are about to exchange rings, I think I see you, my darling. You bend down and whisper, “Its going to be fine. Its not your fault. Let go.” I smile at my husband to be, the first truly glorious smile I’ve given him since we met.

6
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Challenge
it's not your fault
Profile avatar image for MaryFN
MaryFN
22 reads

I don’t have you anymore

I always felt I loved you more than you loved me

Left my free time open for you

Disappointed when you made other plans

I would start arguments for no reason

Then you decided you didn’t want to deal with me anymore

I just couldn’t trust you when you said you loved me

It’s my fault I don’t have you anymore

5
1
0
Challenge
it's not your fault
Profile avatar image for SunflowersWorld
SunflowersWorld
27 reads

First Blow

It's not your fault

that the world is

closing in around me.

It's not your fault

that I can't hear a word

you are saying to me.

Trust me when I say

it's not your fualt

that I am stuck

on the cold cement

and can't get up.

Because you were the one

to take the first blow.

And even if

you were not fast enough

to take the rest for me,

that first one counts.

Wherever I go after this,

I will always remember you,

who took the first blow in my stead.

Thank you.

And remember,

it's not your fault

your father hated me this much.

4
0
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Challenge
it's not your fault
wearywalden
31 reads

It Isn’t

Simple

gracious,

kind,

generous,

diplomatic,

firm,

genuine,

persistent,

and above all else

completely,

entirely

untrue.

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