oh. hello. (i walk through the door to the roof) i see you're up here on the roof too. probably looking for some fresh air? (i approach you slowly) or maybe you just want some alone time? in that case, i hope you don't mind sudden company... is this seat taken? (i sit on the edge of the roof next to where you stand) you know, i really do love the city. especially at this time of day. don't you? (i ignore your lack of response) when i was a kid, my family used to visit the city on occasion - you know, for events and stuff - and i'd look out the window of our car and admire the sights. there's something about the architecture that i find so... beautiful. and when the sun is setting or rising and it reflects on the windows, it's like 'ah, yes, this is what heaven looks like.' not that i believe in heaven. do you? (one again, i ignore your lack of response) i've never given it much thought. what happens after death, that is. i mean, other than the sudden crippling existentialism that comes with every quiet night. but that's all just part of the human experience, right? look... i'm not gonna pretend i know why you're up here, standing on the edge of a seven story building but- just know that once you fall, you may never get back up. and i'm sure that must sound awfully appealing to you now but... you never know how many people are actually rooting for you. i don't know your circumstances, i don't know anything about you or your life or what drove you to be here today but i do know that there's light at the end of the tunnel. trust me, i've been there, your life may not seem worth living at the moment but death isn't the only way out. if you live a miserable existence then work towards making it less miserable. and it will get better, i promise. (i stand and hold out my hand to you) so please, step down from there and come inside. it's freezing out here.

Hey up there! I see you. Could I come up and share a moment with you, before you jump? Was that a nod? My vision isn't so good. I will come right up, just in case it was.

***

Would you like to sit down? Oh, right here on the edge? Okay, I can do that. My name is Mee Jong. I don't know what circumstances brought you here, but I wanted to tell you that I do understand the feeling. Did you want to talk about why you're here?

No? That's okay. Do you mind if I hold your hand for a moment? Thank you.

***

There were times in my life when I felt so lost, so alone, so unloved. There were times when circumstances took on a life of their own and I felt tossed around, beaten-up and left for dead. There were times when I thought it would just be better if I was dead.

I wrote stories about killing myself. About being murdered. I dreamt about it. I wrote suicide letters. I stopped feeling and gave myself over to a hollowness, an emptiness. A living dead state. People avoided me and my obvious pain and sadness. I planned my final exit from this world.

That's not to say I know you, because I don't. But I wanted you to know I have felt the sort of numbness and despair, that would lead a person here. Our experiences are unique, but our feelings, they are more universal than one might think.

I understand if it makes no difference to you. But, just in case it does, please know...

You are not alone.

Feelings change. Circumstances change. The world changes. It didn't always feel like that was true for me. But, when I allowed myself the time and space, when I found the strength, when I reached out for just one connection to tether to my own life, these truths became known to me. Giving yourself over to one moment is easy, and sometimes, that is what gets us into these dark places. It's allowing ourselves the opportunity to move through these places, which gives us the strength to go on, day after day, in this crazy, beautiful, scary world in which we live. Until we don't.

Oh, you're crying. Here, let me hold you. That's right, let it out.

***

How are you feeling now?

Do you have a family? If you have a family, they care about you. God, he has a bigger plan for you and doesn't want you to throw your life away. You have brothers and sisters from God. I don't want you to throw that away. You can't throw your life away. They are about you. You would be selfish to throw yourself of that building and onto the floor. Your life isn't over. The minute you step of that roof, is the minut it will be. sYou can come down and ask for help. If you don't you will regret it. Dying is not easy. Not dying is evan harder. If you come down, you will prove to me and yourself, that you are stronger than temtation. You are better than that. So please, get down, or you will regret it.

See, you are going to end your life. Life is a bitch, I know. Just have a question for you before you mess up the sidewalk below.

When you jump off, and you hit the ground and your bones shatter, is that the end?

What makes you so sure that death is the answer?

I heard of a parachutist when he jumped out of the plane his chute did not open. He survived, and he recovered and lived a full life, that is life after the hospital. What makes you so sure you are going to kill yourself successfully? Could turn out, all messed up and in some hospital suffering in pain.

The pain I have from cancer these ten years has been rough. But killing myself is not an option. I rather go fishing and have the warm sun on my back. Listening to the eagle and the osprey hunting for fish as I cast my line into the water. To hold my memories of life, both good and the bad.

You’re going to miss out, and if you jump.

The past 70 years I have found the joys and disappointments of life. Seen mans in humanity to his fellow man in war. Puppy love of my youth, now the lover of my life, I hope you get to know him.

He lived and died for me, so I would have the strength to go on in life. He is great he made everything for me to enjoy and share with others. If you change your mind, I would like to introduce you to my friend and lover of my soul.

He knows you. He knows your name, the problems you’re going through.

If you jump, I can tell you this: the body might die. But you will keep on living. Your soul will have to take that journey somewhere.

So, tell me what is really going to happen to you if you jump?

Hi. You alright?

Sorry. Stupid question. If you were alright you wouldn’t be perched on a roof edge ready to plummet, would you?

What’s that? No, I’m not going to talk you down.

I’m also not gonna ask you why you’re doing it. I’m sure you’ve got reasons. And they’ll be very real to you. Yeah, some might say you should count your blessings, that at least you’ve got a roof over your head (not right now, obviously) but it doesn’t matter what others think. In life, only one opinion counts.

Mine.

I jest. My opinion is important to me, yes, but in your life your opinion is the most important.

So, if you’ve made your mind up, I’m not going to waste your time talking you out of it.

A waste of my time? That’s as may be… but I have more time to waste than you, don’t I?

Could you do me one favour? When you get to the afterlife, can you contact me with proof?

You don’t believe?

No, like I said you’re entitled to your opinion (even when it’s wrong).

I wouldn’t call myself a believer. But I’m not an atheist. There’s got to be something afterwards, wouldn’t you say?

No, none of us know for sure. Non-believers, spiritualists; maybe they’re both wrong and the afterlife is like… I don’t know… Maybe you have to live your life over again, getting things right.

Ha, like a video game. The world’s most boring game. Can you imagine having to go through puberty again? Yuck. I’d rather die. Well, I’d rather keep living if dying resets the game and plops me back in childhood.

That’s a good point. If death is a repeat of your life, you wouldn’t be able to contact me. No harm in my asking, was there?

People are going to want to know, though. Your reasons. Yeah, I know you wrote it all down but have you ever written something then looked back at it and thought That’s not what I was trying to say?

Yeah, the written word is difficult. Language relies on inflection and tone, which you can’t always get down on paper. Now, if you were to share your thoughts in a conversation, there’s more chance of you being understood.

Me?

Well, I’m kind of on my way somewhere… oh, blow it why not?

Put the kettle on, I’m coming up.