Jittery
My walls are up too high /
faulty defense mechanisims, like the button's jammed / lungs refuse to open /
they won't release, i feel like i could cry /
and i'm so jittery and scared i think i'll die /
it's 10:22 and i'm still awake /
watching the clock go forward, forward /
backed into a corner / i wanna hit the breaks / please drop the game /
i'll try and stay / please forgive me if i leave /
healing animal, that's what i am / fight or flight, i wanna flee / big brown eyes that cannot hide and tiny legs that break to carry me / healing animal, that's what i be /
San Diego
I’m sorry I couldn’t stay with you in your little bungalow, hiding from the rain and responsibility.
I’m sorry I couldn’t stay to watch the sunrise with you one more time and dream about all our plans that would never come.
I’m sorry I couldn’t stay in touch when I went back to my real life, the one without ocean air and late nights and your vintage car with the top down.
I’m sorry I couldn’t stay and be brave, leaving everything behind that didn’t serve me, but my family’s on the East Coast and how would it work anyway?
I’m sorry I couldn’t stay and smoke, watching old movies on your projector, trying to be serious but laughing until our insides hurt and we nearly couldn’t breathe.
I’m sorry I couldn’t stay and tell you this was love because I think it was just our imagination. A moment in time that wasn’t meant to last forever, except for in our minds.
I’m sorry I couldn’t stay, but I’ll always remember.
Just Love Me
Gasping for breath, a young man slips into an alleyway and stops. He tries to calm down his breathing by taking deep breaths. After a while, he walks over to a door from which loud music can be heard. The man knocks on the door and waits. The door is opened slightly, and a tall, muscular man peeks through the small crack.
“Markus Peterson.”
The young man waits as the door is opened to him. He slips through and walks to the edge of the small platform. Scanning the dancing people, he tries to find his girl but can’t. He glances over to the little restaurant at the other end of the club, but he is still unable to see her.
“Where is Margaret Smith?” He inquires of the door guard.
“There.” The man points at a blonde girl who is sitting in the dark corner of the little restaurant with her back to them.
“Thanks.”
The young man jumps off of the little platform, and makes his way through the dancing people and up the few stairs. Sneaking up on the girl, he puts his hands over her eyes.
“Guess who?” He whispers in her ear.
“Oh, Peter!”
Margaret turns in her chair and smiles up at him.
“Hello, darling.”
He kisses her on the cheek before settling into the other chair.
“Where have you been? You have been neglecting me so.” She frowns at him. “You ran off the other day while we were in the middle of drinking coffee. Yesterday, you came running around the corner and barged into me and my friends’ conversation. Then, you told me that our plans have to be rescheduled before racing off again.” She leans closer and looks him in the eye. “What did you do this time?”
Peter takes her hand.
“Margaret, I am sorry I couldn’t stay. And that I had to cancel our previous meeting.” He smiles slightly, “But what makes you think that I did something wrong again?”
“Because you don’t just cancel meetings with me, you are prone to get into trouble and you seem to be a bit out of breath, which tells me that you have been running like a maniac again. What do you have to say for yourself this time?”
Silence ensues for a few seconds before Peter speaks up.
“Have I ever told you that you are beautiful when you frown?”
“Don’t change the subject. I am...”
“And that your eyes sparkle when you are upset with me?”
“Stop it, Pe...”
“And that you are the most beautiful creature that has ever roamed the earth?”
“Do you know what? For a seventeen year old boy, you know just what to say to a girl to make her heart melt.”
Peter smiles crookedly and takes a sip of the glass that is on the table.
“Hey! That is my drink!”
“Ours.” He takes another sip.
“Fine, I will just get myself another one.”
She holds up her hand to signal the waiter, but Peter grabs it and pulls her off of her chair. He leads her over to the dance floor and starts to dance with her.
“Peter! You are going to ruin my hairdo!” Margaret protests.
“Just dance with me, Margaret.” He pulls her closer before whispering, “And remember, I came in as Markus Peterson.”
“Well, Mr. Peterson, may we go and sit down? I am dizzy.”
“I...”
The door to the club is swings open and six police officers enter. Peter looks at them with wide eyes, especially when he recognizes one of them. Desperately, he glances around for an escape route and spots one that he might be able to make.
“I am sorry, darling, but I have to leave again.” He whispers in her ear.
“Do you have something to do with this?” Margaret looks at him with tears starting to form in her eyes
“Let’s just say, that I might not have totally lost my pursuers before I come in here.”
“How could you ruin another date?”
“Shhh...Margaret.” He kisses her softly, ” You must know that I love you and I really need you to just love me back.”
“Hey, you two!” The familiar officer yells at them.
Peter lets Margaret go and looks at the man. His eyes takes on another color of blue and he smirks at the officer before taking off. Shots ring through the building and many of the people hunker down, but Peter continues running. He jumps over the little railing at the edge of the restaurant, gets onto one of the tables, and hoists himself up and out of the skylight. The police officers stare at the window before quickly exiting the club.
“Catch me if you can! I am the gingerbread man!” Peter’s voice echoes through the quiet night.
I’m sorry I could not stay
I’m sorry I couldn’t stay
but the train leaves at 10.35
and there isn’t time to say
goodbye.
We stood looking up the road you and I, that long gray line leading to the hills
you saw a conduit, bringing stories and songs,
food and wandering strays to sleep on your couch.
Brandy and wine, tobacco for your pouch
tales of places you have never seen, winds you’ve never felt
heartache and despair, frustration and elation
other things outside your sphere
I saw a silver thread that tied me to the world
that drew me ever onward
to mountains and sea
beaches and cityscape
places and faces, where I could sing and dance and be
I’m sorry I couldn’t stay
but the train left at 10.35
and there wasn’t time to say
au revoir
You took me into your little house
closed the doors and windows
gave me food and drink, a comfy bed, a place to be
and tried to trim my wings.
You saw a cocoon, warmth and safety.
I saw a prison, cast open the window to let the air in, to hear the wind and rain
you tutted and closed them, complaining of wasted heat.
I‘m sorry I couldn’t stay
but the train leaves at 10.35
I must be on my way.
I leave with you a little of my heart,
but I have wings and must surely fly
and you, calved from the granite of these hill
rooted in this very ground must remain
The gossamer winds will bring me round this way again
Untill then I will send my stories and songs to you
along that long gray road.
I’m sorry I could not stay
but the train leaves at 10.35
Today
I’m sorry
I’m sorry I couldn’t stay. God knows I wanted to but I wasn’t strong enough. I couldn’t see you break at the cracks, couldn’t see you shatter into a million pieces after what I had told you about him. Because I know I wouldn’t have been able to look you in the eye. Because I knew. I knew
everything and I waited till the last possible moment to tell you hoping he would realize the error of his ways and come back to you but he didn’t. I wish I was six feet under I really do. At this point, my entire existence seems meaningless. And I miss you. I miss your eyes sparkling eyes, i miss your smile, i miss everything about you. God, Maria, why cant you see that i love you?
Cloak bearer
The night painted the house in swathes of blue and dapples of white. Its shut windows and drawn curtains sealed the icy rain and raging sea from its silent rooms.
But a dark silhouette distured this tranquility.
The shadow darted across the wooden floor, rippled over the table and met with a slender fingers over a scaly white cloak.
They lifted the cloak off the table, shaking away loose, dry layers and owner of this hand slid her arms through the cool sleeves. The cloak tumbled to her legs and spilled over her hands to give the cloak bearer a dim glow in the moonlight.
Then, in quiet prances she strayed to the bed hiding in the corner. Among its shadowy depths lay a man in fast asleep on the right side of the bed.
She gave herself a moment to gaze at his face and the way his figure tilted to the place she once slept.
She reached down to kiss his cheek.
"I'm sorry I couldn't stay." She whispered to her beloved's face.
Then, she rose, swept out of the door.
Rain pelted against her skin as she raced down the shore and doce into the ocean, a seal once more.
I’m Sorry I couldn’t stay
I’m sorry I couldn’t stay and hold you.
I’m sorry I couldn’t bear to see you shatter and fall to the ground.
I’m sorry I couldn’t cure you when your heart was poisioned .
I’m sorr I couldn’t stay and burn in the fire you were stuck in.
I’m sorry I couldn’t heal your broken mind.
I’m sorry I had to leave.