No One Can Hear
I'm screaming loud enough so no one can hear,
the breaking of my heart,
the cracking of my bones,
the drowning in my lungs,
the snapping of my sanity,
the madness in my thoughts,
the floods in my eyes,
the pain in my head.
I'm screaming loud enough
so no one can hear
the
break
of
a
soul.
the
break
of
me.
22.6.2020
Morning rituals (repost)
Sarah walked her youngest daughter, Alex, to the corner to catch the waiting school bus. “Have a good day, sweetheart,” she said, waving as Alex got on the bus. Alex turned and smiled brightly before running to sit next to her best friend Jenna. Sarah turned toward home as the bus pulled away.
She went straight to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee and light her first cigarette of the day. Cup in hand, she walked to the bathroom. Sitting the cup on the floor, she got the cleanser out of the cabinet to clean the bathtub. After she scrubbed it, she turned on the water, letting it run hot until it was full. She removed her nightshirt and panties and sat in the tub. It burned at first, but she let it. She lay for a while, watching the shadows, listening to music in her head. Using Alex’s bubble bath, she washed and scrubbed, scraping the dead skin off her feet and scrubbing them with an old pumice stone. She stood and emptied the tub, turning on the shower to wash the dirt and dead skin away.
Switching the water back to the faucet, she sat down and let the hot water begin to fill up around her again. Picking up Theo’s razor, she removed the blade and slowly, hands shaking, held it under the hot water. She pressed hard until a small spot of blood appeared on her index finger. Searching for unscarred skin, she pressed into her left arm, just enough to feel the rush. She didn’t stop until there was only new blood and old scars. Finally, she dropped the blade and held herself, rocking, head thrown back, mouth open tears mixing with snot, water and saliva, not uttering a sound.
Silent Scream
Staring at the ceiling contemplating my demise
My mom walks into the room calling me a failure and reminding me how I am nothing like my sister, her favorite child
My sister isn't stressed and she isn't going to college in the Fall
But somehow my mom finds a way to make me feel like the lowest human scum,
even though I will be the first child to graduate high school
As our mother-daughter rlationship deteriorates, I can see that she never cared about my struggles
She never cared about my happiness, she only ever cared about my sister
And no matter how loud I screamed for help from the one person I thought would help me, she never heard a sound
She was too busy bettering the life of my youger sister instead of helping me overcome the trials in my life
She left me to drown in my sea of despair while she cooked dinner with her favorite child
I had to crawl out of my darkness alone, without the help of even my mother
I hope I never have to see her again
She hurt me greatly, I can never return to my old joyful self
I will be a bitter yet reserved being that lives on the edge of society
I am better because of my will to survive
My mother refused to hear those screams
And now our relationship is non-existent
screaming
Screaming loud enough,
yet no one can hear.
They aren't listening
for cries of a child in the stairwell.
They only listen to what they want to hear.
She's screaming, but it's elevator music.
No one notices,
no ones takes a second look
at the little girl under the stairs.
Screaming loudly, but not loud enough.
The Scream
I scream,
a scream so loud
a scream inarguably audible
a scream, so painful
And yet,
no one hears it
it seems so quiet to them
or mabye they are just deaf
And yet I keep screaming,
till the tears come down to shush the sounds
and I go back
to sipping my coffee staring at the reason I screamed at all
with a shaking smile