She is who she is
I bet you didn’t know that:
the girl with the glossy pillowed lips
the girl who twirls her hair and gives you an intense stare (like she is peering into your soul)
the girl who’s words fall like snow and trail out of her mouth like secret whispers (that were only meant for you)
the girl who makes you and every other male melt in her presence with her golden beauty...
I bet you didn’t know that
this girl
could care less of her affect on animals like you
because she’s only wishing
that her aura would reach out to that girl in the corner
and pull her out into the light
so that they may dance like stars in the night.
(this girl is hiding in plain sight because she is who she is and she doesn’t give a fuck about what you or the world thinks of her).
a spark
When hers
Presses their rosy lips against her cheek,
She feels a spark ignite in her,
Her broken heart mends with the thread of love,
Tingling sensations spreading across her parched skin,
Insatiable lust swirling in her mind
As she inches closer to them.
When mine
Presses their rosy lips against my cheek,
I feel nothing.
I'm different
And I embrace myself.
Closet Daydream
Sometimes I think about all the sensations I'll never feel.
Her shaven legs against mine. The warmth of her soft hair in the sunlight. The small of her bare back as I embrace her close. Her delicate fingers brushing mine as we walk. That long-craved kiss, smooth and lingering, with a hint of mint chapstick. The tingle after seeing her silhouette through the shower door. Her generous, round breasts pressed against my small ones. Her sweet vanilla smell on the sheets.
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy. I wouldn't change anything about the life I share with my boyfriend, my partner, my love. But sometimes I think it's good to grieve the parallel self I'll never know.
An Asexual’s Rant
Sometimes I wonder how other asexuals feel about attraction. If it's possible to live in this world without being asked smash or pass on random strangers (when that was still popular). If it's possible to live without being asked if you find random stranger xyz cute, or hot, or attractive. If other asexuals are also are confused about what to reply. At least until you find ways to make sense of people's looks.
"He has a nice jawline."
"She's got a great body."
"I prefer guys that are cute, not handsome."
Until you can judge people based on how they look and determine if you could possibly consider dating them. I've been taught that instead of learning about the person, first think about sex. First consider if you feel the blasted "spark." A spark that means something more than being easy to talk to and laugh with. A spark that you can't confuse with friendship, no matter how hard you try.
Maybe I'm naive, but that's what I've learned. That most people don't know the word "asexual" or understand that there's a difference between being open to sex and being sexually attracted to other people. Unless, perhaps, they've searched for it before. Just to be sure, just to be completely sure, that it does not apply to them.
