Apparently, I've been holding alot in.

These pent up emotions,

taking their toll,

wittling away,

breaking my soul.

I'm scared im too much.

I'm scared that they'll know.

I'm scared that they'll just up and go.

I hold it in tight,

but the feeling remains,

I just want to take something sharp,

and have a slice at my pain.

I want to watch as the blood pricks out

and starts to stream,

down my side, tearing my seams.

But there is no beauty in this pain.

It's just pain and a lack of refrain.

It's horrific and hurts,

not only me,

but the people I love,

when they eventually see.

I hate that I have these urges

and I've programmed myself

with discomfort and purges.

Make it go away.

Just for a day.

'cause there is gain without pain,

and there is beauty waiting,

outside of this pain.

People always say there is beauty in pain,

but there is nothing beautiful about it.

It's not pretty to cry at 2 a.m. one day and 4 p.m. the next,

wishing this was the end

believing you are worthless

or feeling so alone.

People want to believe there is a reason for the pain -

that it is not really ugly, just in disguise.

That it's actually helping you grow or heal.

But sometimes pain is just pain

for no reason at all.

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