All I Did Was Fall Asleep (true story)
All I did was fall asleep
Woke up pregnant with swollen feet
World went on locks and chains
And in a room I writhed in pain
Blood plum dropped from the womb
My baby died and the toilet was it's tomb
He said he prayed for it to happen
And silently, I did too
Two weeks later, I fell to fever
Bedridden with tachycardia
A chronic condition
Eight ER visits without explanation
Was I dying?
I laid for years staring at that one window, grateful it was there so I could count the neighbors shingles
Daughter watched me disappear and detached to keep up good grades in school
The future looked bleak because no one knew what to do
Husband cracked, and became addicted to the devil
Slept with my best friend in my house while I meditated to the angel
My sister betrayed me and he did too
I lost my body, job, the love of my life, and a knife was wedged between what was real, wrong, right?
His family disowned me for being sick
They blamed me for everything that didn't fit
And husband exited, real quick
Leaving me in a daze, with her rabbit named Glitch on my lap, to go live with my parents
All colors of life and love were swallowed by the day I woke up sick
And I grieved the loss of it all, howling madly into my blankets
For again, no explanation was there to comfort me
He slept around some more
And terrorized me any chance he could get
I blamed my illness
And wanted to die
But my child needed me to be there even if all I could be was a mom with ears, confined
All the good times flooded in
And it stung like the sting from a 100 bees
It still hasn't sunk in
Three years later, I am still advocating for my return to life
Trying to rise from the ashes that fell upon me in the middle of that night
And I think to myself....
I sought out spiritualists, priests, nuns, doctors from every specialty and no one could help me....but me
I was ridiculed by my own family with words like: bum, whore, you have nothing going on for you, cripple, loser, and many more
But this morning, I backed out of the driveway with the help of a nomadic friend, rising sun shining on my smile, to look at my daughter, and saw that hell has it's attributes
And I am going to break the illusion
That something so surreal and devastating
Could last forever.
The Birth of Folly
Every ending has a new beginning.
Well, I ended him all right. He shouldn’t have done it but he did. So I did – end him I mean.
I carefully stirred antifreeze into one of two glasses and handed the spiked tea to him as I smiled and kissed him. He never realized that It was a goodbye kiss as he contemplated leading me to the bedroom. II enjoyed it thoroughly as I watched him swig his tea with its lovely dose of antifreeze. It was no secret to me that he was both a cheater and a liar but I really did not care anymore because I knew I was about to have a new beginning.
If only I had realized that the outcome of my new beginning might not be a good one! As I walked away from his very stiff body, I decided to take a swig of the other tea which I had not spiked. Unfortunately, he had surreptitiously spiked my tea when I went to wash my hands. Not only was he a cheater and a liar but I found out the hard way that he was also was a murderer. In retrospect, my ending wasn’t that bad as I floated off into oblivion, hoping for a new beginning.
When I finished traveling to my new beginning, to my horror, there he was with a malevolent smirk on his face!
I Am Something
Oh no! Don’t tell me I’m nothing -
something lives inside my head,
my black eyes have seen it all.
I leave my calling card on doorsteps,
scattering echoes of wind as proof
that I am a new beginning, waiting
for the fog on the deserted road
to develop wings and begin to fly.
I bare my tainted pen, becoming
something in shadows climbing
over empty spaces, leaving space
for something echoing in soup bowls.
Feed me! Feed my emptiness of soul -
move the migraines in my cloudy vault,
follow footprints into charisma of dawn.
I may mean nothing but I am your world
your empty spot, just waiting to be filled.