is the last memory i have
you were rushing to leave
for your 9-5 job,
telling me that you’ll see me later.
did you plan that lie?
or did something truly happen between 9 and 5?
you never missed your morning coffee,
so you ran back inside our flat.
i knew you would return for the caffeine,
so i was waiting at the door with it.
we collided, and black coffee spilled onto the floor.
you kissed me on the cheek,
telling me that it’s okay.
and then you were gone.
because if everything was okay, how could you have left me like this?
i cleaned up the mess,
and took off for work.
everything was normal.
you called me at my lunch break,
telling me that you loved me.
did you even love me at all?
or are you still whispering apologies to me?
you never came home.
i waited for the longest time,
and went to bed.
in the morning,
friends and family called,
i searched the news,
and saw that you had passed.
were there signs?
how did it happen?
who killed him?
thousands of questions lie in my mind,
screaming to be answered.
only you hold the answers
and you are forever gone.
if only we could go back to the time
when spilled coffee was our only worry.
Dancing Through Blood Stains
I remember the wind in my hair here.
I remember the ghost of your fingers lightly brushing my waist.
I remember that choke in my throat.
The same one that’s here now.
I remember dark glasses hiding your eyes and the even darker circles from the night before.
I remember you inside.
And out too.
And figure eights.
And mirrors covered in white.
And table tops covered in razor blade scratches.
And my insides covered in razor blade scratches.
And your mouth covered in blood, fresh from your nose.
And I remember it all falling apart.
Just like that first nose bleed.
A hemorrhage of feelings.
Falling out of you and into me.
Split up but still over flowing.
Until it broke us both.
Until the night air couldn’t contain us.
Until the floor couldn’t hold us.
I remember you.
And the strain of you against me.
And the breeze dancing on my face.
And the sun dancing across us intertwined.
And the leaves dancing through the parking lot.
And the flurries dancing with our breath in the air.
And us dancing through every season.
Bleeding out into each other.
But mostly I remember you.
And your hands.
And my neck.
And the choke in my throat.
i miss you
it’s late at night
when i miss you.
your arms holding me tight.
your feet tickling mine.
your body against mine
as i feel the slow rhythm
of your breath as you sleep
next to me.
it’s early in the morning
when i miss you.
your feet shuffling to make breakfast.
your fingers running through my messy hair.
your hands holding my face
as you kiss my lips
and softly tell me that
you love me.
it’s every second of every day
that i miss you.
I’m talking a mile a minute and your hands are cold
While you drag your cigarette like it’s your last one
I tell you about my ideas and theories like I’ve got the answers to life
We thought we knew
The night dragged into morning as the air became moist
You’ve been shaking your legs for hours
While you listen to me talk
Nervous for no reason, we switch spots
An hour later we switch again,
The world was outside of us
No existence beyond this dark porch
Overlooking hills and trees and the swing set that makes you fall when you push me
Nothing else matters besides this moment
This moment that turned into memories
Blurry memories of your hands on my legs
Listening to my ridiculous banter
You’ve been my home longer than I realized