Another late night at the office, another deadline that will be met just in time. My cell phone is ringing… my daughter…I can’t take that right now. She’ll be ok, her dad is there, he will cheer her little league game. I’m with her in spirit!

All work tasks will be complete, the board will appreciate me. The meeting is next week.

A text from my girl! Sweet! I’ll answer later, besides her dad is there, he will go to her third-grade play. I’m with her in spirit!

Whew, just in time, I sent in the forms, the board will be happy it’s done. I know we will get that grant!

My cute little girl sent me an email, I can’t answer now but her dad will be at her band performance. Middle school is tough. I’m with her in spirit!

I’ll stay late tonight for the event; the board will be present and see me working hard. Oh but…my daughter’s parent teacher conferences. It’s ok, her father will go. She does great in school anyway. I’m with her in spirit!

My little girl is in high school now, playing soccer! Her dad says she’s talented, even a starting player! Of course she is! I’m glad her father is there. And I’m with her in spirit!

The project was completed on time-just barely, but the board cannot be unhappy because everything came in at or under budget! I made that happen!!

My daughter called today; she is wedding shopping for a dress. I couldn’t do the shopping with her, but her dad saw her in the dress and said she was beautiful--I could have told you that! I was with them in spirit! I will definitely be at the wedding I told her.

My first grandbaby! She was born the day I finished our biggest project yet! What a day for celebration! My husband is at the hospital with my daughter. He said I will love my beautiful new granddaughter. She has her mother’s eyes. I will go there this weekend, I’m curious about her eyes. I am with them in spirit!

I’ve succeeded in my job! Many projects later I look around and see the accomplishments. I’m sure the board recognizes the successes over these years. And they will tell me one day soon as I am getting close to retirement! Then I will surely be able to go to some of my grandkids’ events. My husband attended most of them. I was with them in spirit!

I’m retiring this week. There’s a ceremony. I’m sure the board will acknowledge the years of service I’ve given, should be great! My daughter couldn’t come, my granddaughter is in a Broadway play for the first time. Haha, I didn’t realize she was so talented! My husband went there…They are here with me in spirit.

The board didn’t attend my retirement ceremony…

that moment you realize it was all for nothing. Regret.

As I throw his things onto the fire

Heart screaming, tears streaming,

My mind goes blank.

These are his things, but I cannot face them,

This emptiness, barely hanging on,

Well, I have him to thank.

Driving home, what was that?

To late…to tired…

Ahhh but you drank!

So cleansing by fire seems right and just.

You left too early…my love…

And I blame you.

New birth, crude…lovely

Sheltered from life’s destruction.

Time is on your side.

Confident in youth,

He must feel invincible.

Time runs behind you.

Full circle-full heart.

Don’t flinch, don’t get stagnant, dull.

Time is catching up.

Older, you reflect,

Life’s pungent flavor, fickle.

Time is closer yet.

Deep lines on your face

Alone in thoughts, motionless.

Ahhh, time gains…quiet.

She’ll stand tall as a shield, just because it’s you,

She’ll cheer and believe in all that you do.

She’ll quietly watch to see that you’re safe,

She’ll encourage your dreams and hopes by her faith.

When all around you may not see it,

She’ll make you believe that you can achieve it.

She’ll wake early, work late, to help you as needed,

She’ll truly be happy when you have succeeded.

She is loving and fierce, accepting, and brave,

She’ll model her actions in the best possible way.

She’ll speak if you’re wrong, be proud if you’re right,

When she makes a mistake, she’ll apologize on sight.

She’ll change your course with just one look,

But her absolute love will leave you quite shook.

She’ll knock you out with her genuine smile,

Or talk when you need it or listen a while.

She’ll let you go gently if that is your fate,

But secretly be sad when you separate.

If you leave her and go, but later come back,

She’ll answer the door and help you unpack.

With arms open wide, her hug will await,

She’ll welcome you in no matter how late.

She’ll give you her strength when you feel your worst,

And bring laughter to life on the reverse.

She’ll shield the hurt as much as possible,

And give you enough so the bridge is crossable.

She’ll be there for you whenever you call,

Pick you up for the asking, if ever you fall.

She’ll give everything she has to you,

With no expectation of payment due.

Unconditional praise more than any other,

She’ll give that to you, and for that you will love her.

She’ll laugh with you when times are great,

And cry with you if you’re carrying the weight.

She’ll chase away monsters in your heart,

Fighting by your side until they depart.

She’ll bravely help you fight your fears,

And gently reach out to wipe your tears.

She’ll wish for you always the very best,

And hope her love has been expressed.

ln these matters and so much more,

She’ll lay down her life if that will save yours…

When she has left, you’ll miss her gentle calm.

She could heal and sooth…because she was mom.

Three cousins discussing a book from book club where insightful points are being made prompting great discussion between two of the cousins.

The third cousin interjects, "wait…I don't get anything you two are talking about? But that Luke guy was fire!”

Me to the third cousin: “you’re so pretty.”

Cousin, oblivious, “Thank you” and smiles.

No harm done.

Every day I move in silence. I am alone. I see many people living their lives as I walk home. Eating in groups, shopping with friends, holding hands, dad's holding sons, mom's talking with daughters: people connecting all around me. I don't understand this world, but I envy the idea of it. I eat alone in the morning, walk to the bus I take to work, work in a meaningless job that requires little interaction, take the return bus to the last stop, and walk to my small apartment, to eat alone again. My apartment building has other tenants, but the turnover is great, and it seems a tiring and useless act to try to relate to the casual. Most of them that I’ve seen look as fatigued with their own repetitive lives as I feel.

I was abandoned early in life, leaving me without conventional social skills; without proper cheerleaders? supporters? encouragers? that live in that imaginary world I envy. I am left without the necessary drive to seek more. I exist to survive; I survive to exist. I am a stray in a busy society. I blend into the background and go unnoticed.

Every day I move in silence...among you.