Ink Love Letters
Write your name on the line, short and sloppy.
Another obsession I’ll soon be over.
I just have to get you out of my system.
Blood oozing from my fingertips as I scribble down my sins.
Yours mingle in, a darker shade of red on the marbled bathroom floor.
Your screams echo like symphonies as the smile digs into my face,
Memories burning my face as they fall as tears.
Blood drips on the porcelain sink, mingling with the left-over water droplets.
My reflection mocks me as I scrub at my veins,
Trying to get your blood off me and making myself bleed in the process.
I wrote love letters on the palms of your hands
But you smudged my emotions while touching other things,
Mindless of the pain you were causing.
Bruises and stitches.
Band-aids and heartache.
I’ve had enough.
I’ll get past these glittering memories that sparkle
Like gold in the nostalgia’s blinding light.
I’ll get you out of my system.
Even if I have to bleed out to do it.
praises linger on the tip of my tongue,
cut short by the blood-curdling scream.
shivers race over my skin,
spidery legs digging into my flesh,
stabbing into the bones.
the hands of the clock remain still,
frozen in that hell-sent second.
prayers roll off my tongue,
dropping to the ground as stones,
ricocheting off the cold floor.
rain falls from the heavens
as if the angels are crying with me
but only i know that they’re crying out of pity,
not grief of what has happened.
gold coins sound as they fall into people’s purses
like rotten apples tumbling to the ground.
the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
it rings in my ears, deafening as i struggle to stand.
the heart quakes beneath me,
shaking with its own rage.
the sky shudders as it unleashes its anger,
raining down fire upon the heathen.
screams, like ice, stab through to my core
as i waver, my hands numb to the frozen reality around me.
i will make the world burn
and watch as it slowly melts,
lava dripping through my fingertips.
just to get to you
just the two of us.
blood drops adorn the fringes of my paper. my hands tremble as i grip the pen and book, heart racing. icy air bellows down the nape of my neck and i shiver, your presence strong as ever. ghostly white fingers glide over my arm, discovering the scars on my wrist and lace with my grip water-swollen fingertips bringing a strange comfort, shrouding me from the darkness around me like an unwanted hug, smelling like an eerie basement filled with disregarded memories.
isn’t that all you are? a forgotten moment, an abandoned emotion, a long-since lost feeling that rests in the pit of your stomach, as heavy as a stone. your grip guides mine, scratching out words you and i have longed to say but never dared to murmur.
it’s unintelligible from both of us shaking but we know what it means.
just the two of us.
you and i - shared secrets between our once close souls and now lost strangers. your touch slips away, your ghostly comfort ripping from my shoulders as you disappear into the foggy shadows. only my writings remain on the page, lonely and small against a startling white backdrop, stained with crimson tears, crinkled from my desperate clasp.
empty, unreadable words that carry the load on my shoulders. you shudder against my spine like the quick and gentle flutter of a butterfly wing. oxygen stolen from my lungs, i gasp for air as my body obeys your faint touch, desperate to pull you close and hold you to my heart, never letting the cold abyss claim you again.
your bright laugh is faded as it echoes in my head, the sudden image of you enveloping me in your arms washing over me like a fresh spring day mist. flowers bud in the topsoil of my heart, watered by the tears from my eyes. they’re delicate - fragile - yet their roots dig deep, clutchingto the faint reminiscent emotion of love. of belonging. they swear to never let go, tendrils grasping at every crevice of the hardened emotion, the same as i’m holding on to the memory of you.
The Sea in Watercolors
We walk along the seashore, the sand underneath out feet.
The waves washing around us.
Salt water makes our skin tingle as we giggle,
Watching the sunset.
The sun turns molten red and orange,
Tinting the sky a beautiful shade of pink and blue.
A cotton candy sky-scape.
We hope and pray that our lives stay like this,
A beautiful scene.
But we know it won’t last for long.
The sea has claimed many for her own,
Pulling them down to the depths of her deep,
Swallowing them whole
And leaving us to wander.
The darkness falls quickly once the sun is gone
And we sit in silence, listening to her roar,
Screaming into the night because the world is so cruel.
Wind colder than ice tears through our thin clothing,
Digging into our skin and biting at the very core of our being.
Lost in the darkness we stumble,
Feeling only the coarseness of the sand beneath us
And the pull of the sea at our ankles.
Beams of moonlight reflect off the surface of the sea
Glinting in the sky above.
Stars twinkle in their glassy reflection,
Unbothered by the churning darkness below.
Shooting stars swish by and we foolishly make wishes
-Wishes of a better life, of better days
Wishes of a brighter day and a stronger dream-
But just because someone hears them
Doesn’t mean they’ll come true.
The foam froths on the edges of the waves,
A warning to all that go there
That the sea is a horrible being
And capable of many terrible things.
But we pass on, ignorant and naïve,
Thankful that it’s not us that’s being dragged below,
Into the depths of a lost and forgotten dream.
writing love letters on the palms of my hands
using the blood from my bleeding side as ink
i capture the stars and teach them your name
i harness the sun and make it smile for you
i trap the moon in the depths of the night
so it’ll lull you to sleep with a song
the universe quakes at my fingertips
shaking and shivering as if i am a monster
i only want them to know how much you are loved
but they call my love an obsession
as if i am a monster, creeping under your bed
or a skeleton in your closet, hid away from the light
brittle fingernails and peeling skin
bruised ribs and shredded knuckles
dried blood in the crevices of my fingerprints
tear stains on my pillow case
your blood matches the red carpet beneath me
squishing beneath my bare feet as i walk
dragging your stiff body behind me
the soft ground cushions my footsteps
making me giggle as the moss tickles me
the universe sparkles with horror at the sight
the moon hides its face as i look up
teeth bared and vision blurred with unrequited love
i made the stars hum for you
the sun and moon danced in their zeniths
at the very sound of your name
but it was never enough
so never again
lesson learned bridges burned
maybe next time i’ll listen
when the moon tells me all your secrets
i want to lay in bed next to you
and watch the sun set through the window
overlooking the busy city below.
but right now it's 4 am
and i miss your smile and laugh
the way you'd hold me tight
the light in the bathroom went out
and all i can think about it how
we used to lay in the empty bathtub
wrapped in a blanket i sit at the
top of the stairs and stare down into
the darkness of the livingroom below
the thing about being the last person
alive is that you have to watch the
sunset alone without someone to hold.
badges that cover bruises
fixed on my upper arm
hiding the scars from last year.
it’s difficult to breathe right now
as if someone’s pressing on my chest
hugging me too tightly.
the air escapes my lungs at
the sight of you standing before
me as if nothing changed
as if you didn’t stab me in
the chest and then in the back
when i turned to walk away.
they said ‘walk away’ ‘be the better man’
‘take the higher road’ so i did
i tried but where did that get me
a year in pitch black darkness
surrounded by monsters that
whispered my greatest fears in the
dead of the night, their voices
chasing shivers up my spine,
through my body, and touching
my core as if it were base and
they’d be safe there. as if i would
protect them with everything i had
and hold them close, to warm them
to a burnt golden color. i wish i could
but i’m not strong enough. my
cold hands twist around their
words, icy fingers prying
the lies apart and pressing them
to my bleeding heart as if they
will stop the infinite bleeding.
yet nothing gold can stay
but not all that glitters is gold.
and as you stand there, your
fake smile plastered on a facade
you’ve been holding for too long,
i force a smile and walk towards you,
embracing you in a hug
and stab the knife into your
back, watching you bleed gold.
people point the finger to often
at someone else making mistakes
-they're human too you know,
cut them a break-
someone else who's tried their best
to make something good out of themselves
even though they may have messed up
at one point or another
you think you're so much better
than them, than others because
you're 'educated' and 'would never
do things like that' but you tend
to forget that you're human too,
just like them you bruise and bleed,
cry and scream, make mistakes
and i was going to say 'learn from them'
but i don't think you do.
see the finger that you're so shamlessly
pointing at others should be broken,
snapped back against your hand until
you learn your lesson. did your mother
not teach you that it's wrong to point
and stare at others just because they
made a mistake or because they look
different then you do? should i point
a finger in your face, jab it into your
chest and write your sins out on the sands
of the sea? maybe i should hold a mirror
in front of you so you can point your
finger at yourself for once and realize
that you mess up and screw up time
and time again but we give you a
second chance. so take a break from being
a judgmental brat and sit back and think,
'have i done things that people could point
a finger at?' and if you don't come to the
realization that you're just like them,
maybe you should just keep your mouth shut
because nothing but crap is coming out of it.
so here, look in the mirror, look at your
judgemental self glaring into your own
conscious and tell me that you're better
than them. go ahead. i'm waiting.
i hope you crumple to the ground,
ashamed and defeated as you realize,
your just as wrong as the mistakes
they made in the past only you're not
over yours yet. maybe you'll learn
from them, maybe you won't, but i
hope you hesititate next time before
you so easily point the finger
at someone you don't
y e l l o w p a i n t
drifting in and out of sanity
drawing my dreams on the walls with crayons
as if i were a child, trapped in a nightmare.
painting my insides y e l l o w as if it’d
eventually make me happy.
y e l l o w is the color of joy and a smile yet
no matter how much pain i injest,
it does not stain my insides with everlasting happiness
maybe i am not consuming enough?
they’ve locked me from the paint cabinet
and restrained me from going into my studio
yet i long to be happy no matter the means
even if it means i must die to reach the unattainable goal.
how i wish the sunflowers would rain their petals
around me and drown me in their pollen.
may the wings of the bees carry me away into the
burning y e l l o w ball that is the setting sun.
if it means i must be scorched to feel happy so be it.
and so i pray that the rain would turn to g o l d
that the tear streaks on my face would melt away
that i would truely feel y e l l o w
instead of b l u e.
there's something about
missing someone you've never held
having borrowed memories of someone else
wishing on a dying star
counting a never-ending stream of sheep
that makes the nights almost unbearable like
holding your hand when you're not here
staring at my phone waiting for your texts
waking up at 1 am without you
listening to our songs at odd hours
i wish these were my memories
instead of fantasies
maybe then I'd be sane
and not pining over a stranger.
but what is love
i wouldn't call this love because
i've never met you
but I know your favorite color
and your favorite food
that you prefer strawberries over blueberries
night over morning
milk over orange juice
milk chocolate over white
and yet you don't know