One last time
I said it was the last time the last time we met yet here we are again, laying with our arms wrapped around each other. I told you no more yet I gave in yet again to your devious ways. You said it was the last time you would hurt me, yet it wasnt you said it was the last time I would see you, yet here I am looking into your brown eyes like I never looked away. I cant help it so I will just go ahead and give, just this one last time.
So me and the boys just got back from a hunt in TX. It was very tiring. The killer was another demon, must be some sort of pattern. Dean just headed out to get him and Sam somthing to eat. I miss the complex taste of a pb&j. Now I can taste every molecule, its not fun. TBH I wish I was a human again, minus the whole me almost dying thing. Sam is with Jack, they are looking on the street cams to see if they can find any hint of Lucifer. Yup still the end of the world but what else is new. Its the life I chose but these boys didnt have a choice, not really. Sammy tried to get out but he just got pulled right back in. I cant wait to just shut the gates of hell and be done with it, but doing so means someone has to die, Im not letting Dean do it, heś to importent to me, all of them are, but this is Sam´s falut so he should be the one to clean up this mess. Oh hold on Deans back, More later...
The thing about the truth
The thing about the truth is that its different for everybody. People have different expriences at a given time and so who is to say that they lied just because its not what you expreinced. Truth can make or break someone and more often then not it ends up breaking the innocent. Those who lie make themselves belive in their lies cause eventally their brain is tricked too. Thinking back to when you where younger, seeing things that may or may not have been there and saying that this is how you rember it is not lying, its telling your side of the story. Everyone has a story and NO ONE should ever put down your story because its not what they exprienced, those who do are the liers becuase they tricked themselves to beliving that there is only one side to a story. They are the ones who lie to themselves to make everything better so they dont need to deal with the bad.
One last time
I walked down our street one last time, My tears mixing in with the rain. Head held low trying to avoid the stares. I just needed to see you one last time, to hold you again. I walked past the house where it all happened, where we said our last goodbye in a wave of angered words. Tomorrow I will be moving to a new state halfway across the country, and you will just be a memory that will fade in time. Yet now the pain is still real, the hurt I feel is nothing compared to what I have felt before. Why, why couldnt you see what this was to me. That every kiss was a true loves kiss, that each goodbye cut my heart, each time leaving a streak of blood on its path. I walk down thinking of the last time I said I love you, thinking about how I meant those words and to you they were nothing but an empty promise. Yes a promise left unfulfilled. One last time I look into the window that we sat in front of. All I see now is you and the other girl. One last time I make myself say goodbye.
I was being played
In your game of love I was your pawn, basically useless unless I came out to the other side. I didnt see your stragey, all I saw where your peices that where vunalble, I didnt think that it was all a trap for you to take me out. Little secretes and little lies built up for every little truth you told My life in a constent chase from the your queen, not once seeing the ways I could take you out. It never even crossed my mind that I could win this game, because I didnt know I was playing. I know now that you cheated this game of love, that you didnt play nice or fair. I know that I was doomed formt he start, the second I saw you, it was all over. Checkmate.
When I got you I never knew how much you would mean to me. I never knew the love I would hold to you. You were small, scared and so was your sister. I got you to keep you safe, from whatever destinty would befall you if I didnt. You and her grew up together. For four and a half years now you sit there waiting for death. Despite all I have done I know you cant hold on forever. I know you life is drawing to an end, I have seen this since the day a couple mounths ago, when your arm got stuck in the filter. Given a death sentence by all that saw you, you defeated the odds, I like to think for me, if not for me then your sister. Now you lay mostly still, bloated and organ systems shutting down. All the pain you feel will go away soon. I know you love me despite what others say, I know that you know my love, and that you had a good life. I wish I could see you again, back on that first day, back in the tank at the store, where you were only a baby. I wish I could see you grow up again, to see you raise babys of your own. Now please dont hold on for me, do what you want, because in the end it is unaviodable. I dont want you to suffer anymore, to see you do so hurts me. Its ok take your last breath, dont hold on to it. Me and sammy will be fine, I will look after her and keep her safe like I always have. Forever and always I will love you and you will love me.
Tell me (possible trigger warning)
A child arrives in an ambulance, parents speeding behind. Flashes run through their heads, of the shock and sadness, of seeing their three-year-old crumpled like that, her hair a mess of dirt, gravel, and blood. Remembering the night before, when the mother kissed her daughter possibly for the last time. The father thinks of the swing, now empty and all the laughs that have yet to come.
The ambulance arrives and pulls out the bloody and mangled body of the three-year-old named Lilly, and rushed her inside. The doctors take no time and pull her into a room and close the blinds, others lead the parents into a room with two chairs. There they are told to sit and wait.
The doctors add IVs. Plugin the EKG to see little and irregular heartbeats.. They hear little gasps so they add a ventilator to the mix of equipment being used to make an attempt at saving this little girls life
In the little room with only two chairs there is the sound of crying, or screaming, for the loss of someone new, for another child who has been taking away too soon. The parents sit there and wait, praying for their daughterś safe return, for another hug, another kiss, and most of all for another day.
In the room filled with doctors the little line on the screen goes flat, no more irregular heart beat, no more gasping. All around her little body doctors and nurses rush and grab the AED. Yellig clear a doctor sends electric waves through her body, the smell of her bodily fluids can be smelt down the hall. The doctors yell clear three more times. After the fourth shock the lead doctor says that its enough. Time of death 13:45 PM. Now the real work begins. Fixing the body so the parents can say goodbye. However, looking at this case it seems like a waste of time. The cuts are so deep and so many in numbers. Part of the brain is visible through the holes in the side of her head. Her fingers crushed, her legs bent in an unnatural way. Yes, there was no making the body look presentable, even the courner would have a difficult time putting her back together. They give up and put a blanket over her body, leaving just her head out. The doctors walk towards the little room to tell the parents.
Inside the little room the parents sat there waiting, hearing the yells, and seeing the bloody doctors rush by, either put there by their own daughter or by another child. Too soon the daughters walk in, three of them covered in blood, looking tired and overworked. the mother thought that they came in too soon, that there was no way their daughter was going to be better this fast, but still had no doubt that Lilly was alive. The Father spoke first. "Tell me she ok, tell me it's all ok¨. The doctors looked at each other as if to ask who wants to break the news. The lead doctor spoke first. ¨ I am sorry, there was too much damage, she's dead.¨ For a second there was nothing, no sound, no movements made by either of the parties. Then like a wall grief fell upon them. Screams of distress arose from the couple who now had no children, at least living children. How did all this happen they asked. How they were good parents, never hit their daughter, bearly even yelled. They read to her and did all the right stuff. The mother and father went with the doctors to the room that held the body of their daughter. Her ocean-blue eyes now layed cloudy, her pretty pink lips now dried and dirty. The mother thought back to the last three hours. Starting with the accident. Lilly, sitting on the sidewalk waiting for her dad to come home, her mother on the deck reading. Then the car. Speeding and swerving. The daughter trying to run but the car being to fast. Her body being dragged down the street while the mother chased her. At the intersection, the cops had seen what was going on and shot the front tire. The guy stumbling out of the car reeking of alcohol and pot, not knowing what he did, yelling for his tires and car, saying it was brand new. Flashes of the day before ran through the father's head, him pushing her on the swing which would now stay empty. Her laughs yelling for him to push her higher until she could reach the sky. Now she was in the sky, flying higher than ever. The father hugged his daughter close one last time, feeling the heat of her body drain away. The mother gave her daughter one last kiss, smelling her baby's sweet scent, among all that dirt and blood. The yelling starting back up again, this time it was not of unbelief but of loss, of the loss of their daughter's childhood. Lilly would never graduate, have her first boyfriend, get married or have children of her own. She would stay three forever, forever frozen in time. She would not know the joys of being a parent, or the warmth of the first kiss. She would not know the intimacy of losing her virginity. All this was lost. All the would have been the hopes and dreams and all that should have been came crashing down, all due to a drunk driver.
Its ok, I know that you didnt mean to, I know it was just the pressure building up.
No its not you fault, I was the one who stood in your way. I was the one who loved you too much and couldnt let you go.
How come its always my fault? How come I cant cross the street without you pushing me in the road? How come I lay awake crying at night while you sleep soundly next to me. Why is it that my body is covered in scars and bruises not only on the outside but in the inside as well? Why is it that all my pain and love goes unnoticed? That I pour my heart out and you just smash. I cant see how this is any of my fault... How your problems always becomes my problems. That I have to deal with you anger and hatred while I did nothing but love you at the wrong time. No its not my fault, not at all... Its all your fault.
With these words I am free.