beautiful you...and broken me.

who could love someone as fragile as me?

who could dare touch my broken edges and care so much to see the true brokeness inside me?

beautiful you...and broken me.

it was like sunshine and it burned because i had not seen the Light in so long.

it was a beautiful and agonizing pain.

it was like water drenching me and it felt so good because I had not been Clean in so long.

it was beautiful you...drawing near to broken me

you were constantly, consistently, continually, you. and it made me hope

touch has a memory and when you touched my soul, it was a deed that could not be reversed. i will forever remember the Light shed on me...by beautiful you...a willing soul that came near to my shattered pieces.

it was beautiful you...gathering broken me

naturally i reached, craving what I had needed for so long

Light. Truth. Love.

it's like being choked by the ocean

stuck in a little world i created for you

your my little secret and my little muse

and the sad thing is...you don't even know it

you don't even know the tears that drowned my pillow

you don't know the love songs I've danced to with you

you don't know the way I get heart eyes looking at you- the way my body tingles when I'm around you

Oh forbidden love! How it envelopes me in such deep joy and grief

How can I claim what's not even mine-jealousy arises because I've claimed you.

And you don't even know

As I briskly walk through the chill- I am flooded with childhood memories. Vibrant orange pumpkins, spicy chai tea, sweet hot cocoa, crackling camp fires, ooey-gooey smore's, and fuzzy flannel blankets. I smile as I recall the good times; it brings a warmth to my soul unlike anything else. This chill is biting, but glorious.

A lot of people are out on this chilly day; but oblivious to what’s around them. I observe a young mother towing her two young kids around in a stroller- both of them with their eyes glued on a little rectangular device. So sad...I think to myself. They will never experience the joy of looking outwards. Some people look like they were in a hurry, so I moved out the way so as to not get trampled. I however enjoy my leisurely walks.

I look around me and gaze at the tree’s as they flaunt their burnt oranges, electric yellow’s, and bronzey browns. Yes, this is the autumn I remember as a child. Even though I know these trees are dying and in a few short months will be barren- it seems that they show their best colors toward the ends of their lives, much like people I know that are getting older and realize they have very little time with those that they love.

I can’t help but stop in my tracks as I see a huge crunchy pile of leaves. I glance around to see if anyone is watching me- for the sight of a middle-aged woman playing in leave’s might frighten someone. I chuckle- since when did I care what other’s thought of me? I buttoned up the last button on my corduroy jacket and slowly lowered myself into the leaves like any dignified woman would.

As I lied down on my back I could hear the light crunch of the leaves fold under me. I stared up into the sky and watched as the looming clouds passed by. It reminded me of my earlier days when my mother would cloud watch with me in the summer. We would both take turns spotting shapes and imagining funny little things.

I let myself fade almost. I clenched my hands and let the leaves fall through my grasp. It’s papery texture made my body tingle. They reminded me of something my mother said to me once. She said that leaves were the fallen petals of autumn. I couldn’t agree more. But as soon as they come-they are gone.

I’m not sure how long I lied there. But the wind seemed to bite my face reminding me that I needed to be somewhere. So I took one last moment and took a deep breathe inhaling the crisp autumn air into my lungs, and then I exhaled-imagining my childhood memories leaving with it. I pulled myself up and glanced at my watch. It was time.

A little down the ways I saw my daughter walking with her own children, giving them the same good memories every little kid should experience. Tears of joy trickled down my face as I watched my grandchildren frolic around and take joy of what’s around them. I met my daughter’s gaze and I smiled...looking outwards at they people I love is a memory that will always stay with me.

As I briskly walk through the chill- I am flooded with childhood memories. Vibrant orange pumpkins, spicy chai tea, sweet hot cocoa, crackling camp fires, ooey-gooey smore's, and fuzzy flannel blankets. I smile as I recall the good times; it brings a warmth to my soul unlike anything else. This chill is biting, but glorious.

A lot of people are out on this chilly day; but oblivious to what’s around them. I observe a young mother towing her two young kids around in a stroller- both of them with their eyes glued on a little rectangular device. So sad...I think to myself. They will never experience the joy of looking outwards. Some people look like they were in a hurry, so I moved out the way so as to not get trampled. I however enjoy my leisurely walks.

I look around me and gaze at the tree’s as they flaunt their burnt oranges, electric yellow’s, and bronzey browns. Yes, this is the autumn I remember as a child. Even though I know these trees are dying and in a few short months will be barren- it seems that they show their best colors toward the ends of their lives, much like people I know that are getting older and realize they have very little time with those that they love.

I can’t help but stop in my tracks as I see a huge crunchy pile of leaves. I glance around to see if anyone is watching me- for the sight of a middle-aged woman playing in leave’s might frighten someone. I chuckle- since when did I care what other’s thought of me? I buttoned up the last button on my corduroy jacket and slowly lowered myself into the leaves like any dignified woman would.

As I lied down on my back I could hear the light crunch of the leaves fold under me. I stared up into the sky and watched as the looming clouds passed by. It reminded me of my earlier days when my mother would cloud watch with me in the summer. We would both take turns spotting shapes and imagining funny little things.

I let myself fade almost. I clenched my hands and let the leaves fall through my grasp. It’s papery texture made my body tingle. They reminded me of something my mother said to me once. She said that leaves were the fallen petals of autumn. I couldn’t agree more. But as soon as they come-they are gone.

I’m not sure how long I lied there. But the wind seemed to bite my face reminding me that I needed to be somewhere. So I took one last moment and took a deep breathe inhaling the crisp autumn air into my lungs, and then I exhaled-imagining my childhood memories leaving with it. I pulled myself up and glanced at my watch. It was time.

A little down the ways I saw my daughter walking with her own children, giving them the same good memories every little kid should experience. Tears of joy trickled down my face as I watched my grandchildren frolic around and take joy of what’s around them. I met my daughter’s gaze and I smiled...looking outwards at they people I love is a memory that will always stay with me.