How dangerous it is to "feel" for another

One I wasted a year of my youth chasing

One never cared

One faded away

One played with hearts and mine

And now,

One who did everything to make me feel okay and safe

Who helped me found myself when I was lost

Who was someone I can talk about anything

Who somehow knew the right time when I needed him the most without a word

Who helped me laugh with his humour

Who helped me smile

Who shared the love of music and books

And most importantly,

Who was my best friend

Even through a distance

But,

of course.

Like the rest,

You were never the one for me

How stupid.

I knew you would never feel the same anyway

But

Our friendship is what matters the most

Your presence in my life matters the most

I will never ask for more

Now, you became the one who found someone else

I shall once again take a step back

And leave it all behind.

Yes, I'm hurting.

It's not your fault,

It's mine.

How strange it feels that things in life don't last forever

How things come and you'd think that they'll be around for a long time

Then you realise they're gone.

How strange it is to feel

Your heart bursting with butterflies, happiness and affection

Then that turns to agony, hate, despair

How strange it is to think that he or she is the one

Then you think to yourself, "what a waste of time"

How strange it is to have the best time of your life with the people you care about

Then the next thing you know, you're miles away from them

How strange it is to think that your family will forever be intact

Then your parents decided that their love for each other is lost

Strange as it seems, they come and go for a reason

They do it to help you learn, grow

But the strangeness and the emptiness you feel inside doesn't seem to make any sense

But I know deep inside, this world is temporary

Just keep going, let them pass, let them go.

She lies awake at night

Staring at the screen

Refreshing. Refreshing.

Wondering if the boy she once knew

Would ever come back to her

She waited all day for him

In fact, maybe days

She longs for a “goodnight”

“I love you”

or a “thought about you today, hope you’re well”

But no.

Nothing.

Her heart feels heavy

Tight...

Her thoughts and pain weighing her down

Because she was willing to hold on

As days passed, the weight seems to slowly kill her

She couldn’t take it anymore

“I want to let you go,

so please let me go too.”

It’s over.

Yes, it was painful to let go

But to her,

It was more painful that hanging onto something that’s slowly fading

It was more painful trying to reach out to someone who keeps pushing her away

It was more painful knowing that he doesn’t show that he loves her every day

After letting go,

Her heart feels a little lighter

The pain and misery started to drift away

Yet some of the weight still remains

With memories and the love she once had

But soon enough

Slowly and surely,

Her heart will be free.

My dear,

The world had seemed to bring you darkness

Despair and pain

The world had seemed to pull you

Further and further from me

I’ve been staring far into the distance

Hoping for you to come back

I tried to run

In hopes of being able to find you and pull you out of the darkness

But you’re nowhere to be found

I’ve been sitting here

Determined to wait for you to come back on your own

As the days passed, my heart became heavier and heavier

Tighter and tighter

It hurts so much

Numbing my mind as I slowly fall asleep

I woke up,

With my heart feeling as cold as stone

I realised that waiting for you every day

Every second

Has been poisoning me

Where’s the point in hanging on?

If we both know we may never last

Let’s stop now.

I mean it.

I should have ended this a long time ago.

I’m going to stand up and walk away...

If you decide to come back just as you did before

There is no turning back for me this time.

“You were good to me”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHiC_26vBP4

Please.

Help me understand...

How can one fall in love with someone who they can't imagine themselves spending the rest of their life with

Please.

Tell me.

Who am I to you?

Am I someone who crosses your mind daily?

Am I someone who fills that empty space inside?

Please.

Tell me.

Is this friendship? Or is it something more?

Because

You wouldn't leave my mind alone

I crave for your touch

Your comfort

I want to be able to lay my head down on your shoulder

And being able to say "I love you, I really do."

But I couldn't.

I shouldn't.

I know I turned you down at the beginning

And as time has passed I feel like our connection has grown stronger than ever before

Yet deep down, I hear a little voice:

"One day, you will have to leave him. For the sake of your soul"

"One day, you will find someone else. The person you always dreamed of.

And he's not."

...

"Let's not fall in love."

"I'm trying", I whispered.

My father’s tired eyes

Stared into space

Through them, I could see

Sorrow, pain.

His hair, nearly silver

The skin on his neck sags

He walks with difficulty

As he drags his right foot

Pressing his weight towards a cane in his hand

He used to be full of energy

He used to play basketball,

Used to take me to golf,

Used to race to the front door with my little brother

As time passes,

His body crumbled

As he struggles to carry the weight of his responsibilities

The weight of hatred given by his other children

Despite many burdens,

He still continues to work

To remain on the path full of storms and dangers

For the sake of me

For the sake of us

As I approach the oblivious stage of adulthood

I can’t help but feel so sorry

For growing up too fast

For being too happy

For wanting to be free.

My mind has been clouded with thoughts of you

Books, grades, disappointment

Anxiety, sleep, doubt

My first.

Another test, a trial

Will I pass?

Lost something I thought would last

Then you came along

I couldn't be with you

We're the same, but different

Different ways, different beliefs of what's above

Staring at the screen

Not being able to hear your voice

Not actually having you beside me

Yet you still make me smile

Cheered me up from the sadness that loss has brought

And made me forget

Minutes to hours

Then eventually to "goodnights"

Every. Single. Day.

The clouds wouldn't leave me alone

The constant, forbidden desire of comfort

Touch.

A somewhat dangerous friendship

But I didn't want it to end.

I'm sorry.