So ironic. I’m next to the supermarket. But I’m starving.

Looking down, I see shoes of all kinds even in this rain.

Sandals, high heels, boots, leather sprinkled with rain, suede stained dark.

I wish I had shoes. I used to.

No one cares. Everyone is too busy with their lives. My tears blend with the rain.

All I want is enough to not die. At least water is free for now.

With each step towards the wall where I sit, I try refraining from snapping my head up to beg.

The gangs taught me to know better.

My hair is too long, and its sodden weight pulls my head down.

It shields my eyes from the world like a curtain, but echos of rushing footsteps, splashes, and flowing words resonate.

Each drop that falls creates its own small ripple, but I don’t even make a small impact upon this society.

One foot chases another. Closer, closer, louder, louder, and I see shoes in front of me.

I slump over. I don’t want to deal with knives and blows anymore. Is it possible to escape?

No. I knew that already.

Hey, an echo says, here.

A small cardboard box, drenched through with rain, is thrown down at my feet, only to be swept away by the rain.

No! Eyes widening, my hands shoot out on their own to grasp this mystery.

With no strength, I fall onto the pavement, a pathetic being with no right to exist.

Shivers course through me as I try to prop myself up with one arm. A pathetic, stick-arm.

Trembling, I look at the bright little box, the only spot of color I see in this grey world.

Botan. Botan Rice Candy.

The cat smirks at me and the chrysanthemum flaunts its wealth and prosperity.

But it’s food, and it’s all I have for today.

Greedily picking at the wax wrapper, I rapidly unwrap the small red ruby and feel flavor exploding in my mouth. The dogs in Pavlov’s experiment couldn’t have been more ecstatic.

Grateful grey eyes find themselves staring at the giver with reverence fit for a deity.

My “white” eyes. The reason why I don’t fit here. Why I am “not human.” Why they think I don’t belong.

Good, you are the one I wanted to give this to. I always see you here, a warm voice observes.

Nodding, I force my head down so he doesn’t see me as what everyone else sees me as.

The tanginess stabs its way into my tongue, cheeks, and throat, but the sugar sooths me.

Tingling pleasure runs through my spine, and then startling pain.

Is this supposed to happen?

I look at my savior, searching for an answer in his eyes.

A surge of knives storm through my body, and I see the man smiling sweetly like poison sugar.

Yes, the right person to kill. Goodbye now.

Echos sprint across a field of darkness. Goodbye, Goodbye...

And there was the last whisper.

Of light.

I can still taste the sweet lemon drops and the salt water taffy that I used to have.

Now all the candy store offers is Botan Rice Candy.

Supermarkets offer groceries from rice to dumplings to noodles.

The children bow to their grandparents

They study from morning to night.

Their teachers chastise them.

My forks and knives and spoons lay in the back of my drawer, covered in dust.

Wine has been replaced with green bottles of beer.

We share our food from one plate, in the center of our kitchen table.

Milk now comes in rectangular packages.

Religion has changed, so has the President.

Supposedly this is America, but I think we live in China.

My skin caught on fire at the sight of him. 

I didn’t want my cheeks to be red like that. 

Was it anger? Embarrassment? 

All I knew 

     was that there was an overpowering sense of desire, too. 

A desire for what,

     I’ll never know. 

But there was desire. 

I kept my eyes focused solely on him.

He’d bumped into me earlier,

causing quite the commotion

I’d blushed then. 

     And I’d blushed again now. 

How embarrassing. 

A roaring filled my ears

My heart was pounding. 

His piercing blue eyes widened in astonishment

and he froze in place. 

One step. 

   Two steps. 

With each step, he was one step closer. 

       Three steps. 

               Four. 

He snapped out of his paralysis.

     Backed away slowly, slowly,

Looking around him, but always keeping me in his view. 

It was then that I realized that I was most likely causing 

quite 

a 

commotion --

again --

at this house party, 

since so many thirsting girls were also staring at him.

     But none were brave enough to make advances.

      Like butterflies shying away. 

They’d probably mistaken me for one of their own,

      but I could never be one of those 

           dithering, 

           hair-twirling girls.

I looked around and saw --

as expected --

the shocked faces of stilettoed girls, 

but also the stares of some men. 

They looked me up and down,

     but not in lust. 

Their eyes were wide with horror.

They cowered slightly,

which was so unlike that usual laid-back pose.

I shot them a fiery glare, 

     but then looked at myself. 

Scorch marks were left on the floor.

Flames licked around my fingertips. 

I couldn’t feel the warmth --

     it seemed to simply be another part of me,

but the flames were obviously hot. 

I was on fire. 

she saw you on the beach,

then you wandered away across the waves.

you ran through the breeze

that brought you from the beach

into the woods where the wildlife whispered.

he saw you by the tree,

and sought to set you free,

but you waltzed away without worry.

you slipped over streams

and stopped here and there,

but always passed on,

slipping silently away.

they watched you from afar

meandering through the meadows,

dancing with the dandelions,

brushing past the tall grass,

making your way to the setting sun.

before your journey ended,

you came into a garden

with dahlias and daisies,

roses and rhododendrons,

and among them,

you roamed past

some hens,

a flock of small birds,

and then

you hit me square in the head.

hello. no embellishments here. it's just me.

so, to cut to the chase, I miss you. I don't know who you are. 

when I say you, I see so many people, so many things, but not one of them evokes quite enough feelings of longing or memories of mutual love for me to miss. truly miss. I just know that I miss you. 

you, as whatever should be fighting off that quivering feeling in my chest when I'm on the verge of inevitable tears. pulling me away from the precipice before I plummet with the waterfall.

you, as whoever should be in my mind as I stare off into the distance, trying to ward off the thick something that's numbing my senses.

you, the last bit I need to complete my patchwork heart.

where are you? I miss you.

catacombs

and

spirits of smoke

whistles,

wailing, unearthly whispers

I wondered where you went

when I saw your sepulcher

I miss you.

a tingling touch

tracing down my spine.

and then I ran

when I saw you there,

standing right behind

Me.

and there

you were,

Full

of empty Life