I dont deserve you

Im just too plain

you say you need nothing else

I say your name.

I dont deserve you

im just too simple.

while someone else can make you special

you'll just throw me away.

Yes these thoughts of mine

seem like theyre too harsh

but not for me

I deserve no pity.

Ive been overthinking for more than a day

Thats my highest record

and it seems like I cant stop for now

death just seems to beckon.

I dont deserve love

I deserve to be forgotten

Im used to that

its better than feeling something.

Half present

Close minded

Closests are open

but I cant find it.

My hoodie from yesterday

the one I spilled my beer on

to cover up the night before.

Wont promise

not anymore.

it hurts too much

knowing I might break it.

Wont tell you

Wont call you

Wont talk to you

if I dont need to

Somebody out there.

Please change my mind.

Before I start using my senses

to waste my time.

Let me tell you honestly

Im starting to hate hugs

But right now I really need one

please give me your love.

Hey there, let me tell you something bout me

im just a weird, stupid person not ordinarily

look on the bad side.

that kind of stupid is about to shine...

You just got a date, scheduled 8:00 pm

you call her up, she said she's coming but shes bringing a friend

look at the bad side.

you'll be sitting on the opposite end.

Soft voices kill me, isnt it true?

I got a soft heart for broken things, that includes you.

Look on the bad side

Im alright but nothing is true to me.

Sweet laughter shakes me, isnt it fine?

I got a bad heart for bad things

but its alright

look on the bad side.

I love it when im tossed aside.

You had a fallout, she has her doubts

mixed problems trying to figure it out.

look on the bad side.

they have no solutions.

You meet up round 1pm

talk about it, breaks up with you in the end

look at the bad side.

You could hang yourself and make it 'the end'.

It's killing me, I inhale they say its killing me.

Let fears prevail because its killing me.

I know im not alone, but it's killing me

the thought alone...

Im not that fine. I know im not but I laugh all the time

cause if I dont then i'll lose that line.

the boundary that tells me not to jump off a roof and sink.

I dont float, because my doubts

are like weights strapped to my legs

it's like smoke I inhale, I know im dead.

It's killing me. My 'friends' they call me on the phone

say im just dramatic.

what can I say, I love to play on the side

and fill my eyes with the sight of lies.

smile because im not fine.

It's killing me. The thought alone

of being left to smoke.

turn to dust and and be forgotten that I know

the edge isnt that far.

I dont breath, because my fear

are like oxygen that doesnt exist.

its like smoke I inhale I know im dead.

I am not the water, im the waterfall

and kept my tears dripping down the side of stone walls.

I am not a keeper, im the keepers den

Locked the free animals, and freed the innocent.

I hope im not annoying you. I know you arent there.

I hope you dont think im too quiet.

Cause sometimes I wish I would disappear...

I am not the sunset, Im more or less upset.

Ive had a drink this morning, but that drink I dont regret.

I am not a coward, I am but a sin

A sin to scare away my fears replace them all with gin.

I hope im not the type to be, the only one left in the room.

because the scariest part of living now, is being alone.

I am not. I am not. I am. I am

Dont symphathize, I see your eyes

Please close them for me.

Play pretend. Thats how it all began,

held some hands and locked them down

call them in, call them friends.

Simple smiles. Should they be suspended?

are you in for a while, or for longer. I dont know

Tell me something. Have you gone farther than you should?

come down into the ocean till the deserts run their storms

I have. and let my self down too many times.

I know why. I know why.

I tell lies thats who I am.

Benches, of afternoon views

had my fill of laughter

had my fill of amusement

held the hand of the greatest view in my life.

held that hand, it said it wasnt satisfied.

I regret nothing, keep to myself.

No one knows who I am

no one knows who I've been

gone through too much of sorrow

gone through too much of this

now I smile for the sake

of the smile in cracked lips.

Waking up in a spiders den,

im caught in a web.

Had my eyes set on freedom

while im lost in despair.

A chill on my spine,

this is where it ends.

Caught in the middle

waiting for death

Isnt it a little funny?

my friends hangout but

never seem to remember I exist.

Sometimes at night they call me,

they just heard that my mother

abroad sent me some money,

they know, I dont spend much for myself

so they can capitalize

I know it just wrong to play along

but we have stitches and shy smiles.

Monday morning three a.m.

A couple hours pass, its morning again,

Life's a roller coaster if only you make it so,

my life's been a bumpy ride on a rocky road.

my girlfriend calls me she says,

"We wont see each other anymore."

"Im moving to another place"

but that's just right next door.

I look outside the window of my second floor

there I see her, arms around another

looking me in the eye.

I cant help it, im not doing anything

cause I have stitches and shy smiles.

The easiest smiles are the ones you send to others.

I dont think I need to reply.

If I do I dont think the next one will be pretty,

Cause by then it'll have to be "Goodbye".

I guess I had my time to tell you.

Gone and wasted it all.

Had my share of happy moments.

But I guess thats not enough.

Let me tell you a few other things,

I'll miss you more than you can tell.

Hope you find that special person

who'll make you feel special as well.

I guess I regret not telling you sooner,

but im just a stone in the lake.

I guess now you have something

to help you relate.

when you're friends tell you something

about how someone liked them

In a way I helped you again,

Im such a good

friend.