Cosmic Questions
I tried to reason through the
Hows and whats and wheres
To make sense of the
Happenings in the world
In the city
In my life
The muggings and beatings and deaths
That sprang like noxious weeds
In every crack and crevice along
The walk
And in every building
But eventually it came down to
Just one essential question --
Why?
And I had no answer
Save the one philosophers have
Clung to
In their musings
Throughout time
And my life was suddenly at
The mercy of the
Capricious cosmos
Why not?
#philosophy #poetry #challenge
Where Did I Go?
One day
I opened my eyes
and glanced down
at my soul
only to find
it wasn't
there.
My heart had shattered
and I was floating
through black
⠀⠀listless
⠀⠀⠀and
⠀⠀⠀⠀alone.
It didn't make sense
because I had lived
just as I was told
I smiled at strangers
I went to school
I learned and learned
filled my mind
with nonsense
that they told me
was important.
I nodded
I memorized
I knew the presidents by heart
I was quite smart
but then why?
My face had smiled
⠀from numerous pictures
⠀⠀my name printed
⠀on twenty-three trophies
certificates framed
in every room.
But I look back
and the girl in the pictures
why, that isn't me
⠀⠀
⠀⠀
⠀⠀
why
⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀am I
⠀⠀
so lost?
⠀⠀
Hm.
Now I see.
I am gone
Because all
I thought about
was to leave
this cruel life
that even death
was better
than
this.
⠀⠀
⠀⠀
and now
I am
happy?
You’re getting what...?
Two years down the drain.
Two fucking years thrown away with a text message.
The day before Valentine's day just to rub some salt in that wound.
But wait there's more.
"It's nothing you did" she said.
"Iloveyou" she repeated. (This is exactly how we texted 'I love you' no matter what)
What a way to make my blood boil.
"We can still be bestfriends."
How fucking cliche.
But I allowed it because I thought I couldn't live without her.
Not even a week later I learn her ex is back in town.
My trigger. I hated him with my entire being.
She came over to stay the night shortly after.
She took a phone call and left for about an hour.
You'll never believe what she returned to me with.
A DAMN ENGAGEMENT RING ON HER FINGER.
"He proposed to me" she stated as if I didn't notice.
"And you left him to come back to stay the night with me? You must really be in love" I snapped back.
I got excuse after excuse.
It's easier with her family if she is with a man.. Life is hard as a lesbian couple.. my parents hated her.. I deserve better..
Whatever.
Here's my favorite part of this "breakup".
She invited me to her wedding!
I went.
I planned on making a scene.
I planned my objection speech.
I sat there until I heard "we are gathered here today..." and I walked out.
No scene.
No objection.
I just left.
Guess who's asking for my attention 5 years and a nasty divorce later...
And guess who's not taking that phone call.
O spoilt child of the affluent world
O spoilt child of the affluent world.
Do you not have water to fetch, wood to hew?
Do you not need have fields to till or livestock to tend?
Are there not young ones to comfort or old ones to whom you can lend a listening ear?
Are there no clothes to wash or pans to scrub, floors to sweep, paths to mend? No skins to tan or flax to spin? No herbs to find and dry, no fruit to preserve? no cow to milk? no butter to churn, no clothes to mend, no cloth to weave?
For if this is true then you are truly blessed for you have the one thing that cannot be brought or traded, you have time.
Time to craft a story, write a poem, compose a song, time to master an instrument,
Time to paint a picture, to weave fine cloth, to make fine beads, to learn the discourse of frogs, to watch the birds as they come and go.
You have time to share your time, sing the old songs for those who can no longer sing, read stories for those who can no longer see, help those whose mastery of words is less than your own.
Do not waste your time on self pity, for time will slip through your fingers like grains of sand.
Change of Plans
“You deserve better,” I told myself as I took a long, hot shower, attempting to wash my abusive husband off my soul, and yes, my body.
Never again would he yell at me that I was nothing that mattered to anybody. I had fixed it so he would never knock me up against the wall and pound my stomach so the bruises wouldn’t show. I had been contemplating leaving him for a long time but knew I had to be very crafty because he would kill me if he caught me. I had been sneaking money out of our checking account for a long time and he didn’t seem to notice. A packed bag was ready, hidden in my closet. I had a friend in Idaho, who he didn’t know, who would let me stay there until I got back on my feet. I had stashed extra food in the back yard in case I was temporarily homeless. We had no children because he refused to have any so I wouldn’t have to worry about keeping them safe. I racked my brain to see if there was anything I had forgotten. Everything seemed to be in order.
But then, I had a change of plans. He came home early on the day I planned to leave this misery and saw my suitcase on the bed. Enraged, he charged me, planning to make me very sorry. What else could I do?
I took his loaded gun out of my suitcase and shot him in his heart. So now, you know why I am taking my long, hot shower, washing him (and his blood) off my body. I will take care of his body later when I damn well feel like it!