Written 2/13/2017

Edited 2/15/2017

I felt perfection under the caress of my fingers. I pressed my tongue to feel the charge of ideal and breathed deep the floating particles of a dream of possibility. Maybe it's not your dream, maybe not your perfection, but to me, oh to me. Perfect. Not pristine. Not immaculate. But perfect, the way the one picture is perfect on the one perfect wall. Like it was made on a molecular level to be there. She was the right thing in the right place at the right time. Perfect. I lie next to perfection, and in the morning I have to smile, and watch ideal walk out the door. And I have to trust, with a damaged, imperfect, heart, whose cracks and faults have left it without faith, that my dream will remember me when she wakes.

Written Circa 2004

Edited 8/31/2015

Someone once said

The fragrance lingers on the hand that gives the rose

Well baby roses have thorns

And thorns cut the hand

And those kinds of cuts always become scars

The rose I gave to you was a big one

And those thorns cut as deep as they could

And I'll be damned if I didn't learn my lesson

Written Circa 2004

Edited 8/31/2015

I come limping back.

Broken ankle

Black eye

My heart pouring out of my nose.

I keep walking back into fists aimed at my heart.

Flashes of memories into stomach.

My ribs.

My face.

Every lie was a boot to my body cowering on the floor.

You keep doing this to me

Beating me to death

And I keep asking for it.

I keep letting you.

I keep looking for hope.

Wrapped around your fingers like brass knuckles.

Written 8/27/2015

You'll need a paint brush

Black paint

Reach up

If the paint runs

Let it

It will not be the last to run from you

Grip the cloth tightly

Do not let it get away from you

Because it will try

Refuse

Deny the instinct to let go

To relent

You'll need a paint brush

And black resolve

Paint a skull

And crossbones

On your white flag

Refuse to surrender

Turn

And charge

Written 2/22/2004

Shatter then and do it loudly

Because volume is what they've been taught to respond to

Just like you know you're in trouble when your parents yell

Stand up tall

And be loud

And maybe they will see the ugliness of their reflections

In the beautiful glass falling around them

Written 8/25/2015

I want our monsters to meet.

I want them to shake scaly hands

Touch claw to claw

And play together

While we compare scars

I want our shadows to war

And our lives to struggle against one another

So that their worth to one another

Is evident

I want our secrets to decorate our wedding cake

For all the world to see

So that in the horror on their faces

We can find peace in each other's.

I want our monsters to grow old together

And bear the scars and cuts of battle

That they gave each other

I want our beasts to put us in the ground

Side by side

And tear down the world without us

Written 8/23/2015

Edited 8/25/2015

A man stood at the crossroads

Above a tall cliff overlooking an endless ocean

As one would find at the end of the world.

He looked both left and right

While a crowd stood around his back

Urging him one way and the other.

Left! Some cried into his ear

If you go to the left

You'll become safe

Money and children

A wife and the car you've always coveted.

You'll die comfortably

In your bed at a ripe old age.

Right! Pushed others

If you go the right

You'll become famous and popular.

The masses will know your name and seek your voice

Your name in lights and your face in print.

You may day young

But your death will be mourned by a legion.

With a little care, he made up his mind

He set his bag on the dirt at his feet

With sure steps he walked forward

And in his fall into that great unknown water

He instead became a legend.

Written 2/22/2004

Edited 8/17/2015

I wish I were dancing

With someone I love

With someone who loves me

To something beautiful

Or nothing at all

Somewhere where the sun is setting

And the grass is up to our waists

So that we can see where we were

I wish I were dancing

In the middle of nowhere

Dressed to go somewhere

Somewhere that mattered

But just being there dancing

With someone I love

With someone who loves me

I will wear wings at all hours of the night.

I will laugh so loudly that the leaves fall around me.

I will walk with giant steps and swing my arms in enormous circles.

I will take my shoes off when I come into the house and I will never, never leave my dreams to dry on the drainboard.

I won't sleep, except for when I do.

I'll take walks in the woods and in the loud polluted city.

I'll sing off pitch when I'm not alone.

I will take off my masks and wear love unabashedly.

I will keep making promises.

And I will never stop dreaming.