Just so ya know.

I was an abused child.

Let me clarify...

I was raised in the south during wich time if you were bad,you got whippings in school, you got whippings at home and you went to church at least three times a week if not more!

We drank straight out of the waterhose an lived to tell about it.

If a relative died, usually you inherrited somethin to remember them by, or many things. Weather you wanted to or not.

Our kinfolks saved everything to re-use later because the already lived through the great war then the deppression then the second world war and they werent gonna go without again! So we grew up learnin how to "hoard" stuff so we wouldnt be without it later. Ya know, just in case another war or deppression broke out.

I learned how to ride a bicycle on crushed oyster shells because thats what they used as gravel. Lets just say you learned how to ride a bicycle and not fall on those sharp shells real fast.

We cut our grass with a reel mower and rested in the shade of a Mimosa tree drinkin lemonaid.

I guess gettin spankins, gettin yelled at, growin up savin everything was child abuse.

I didnt think it was, but i was told a lil bit ago that because i did some of those things while he was young that he was abused. And now he has trauma. And that i had just continued the cycle of abuse.

Well sir, i really didnt know that was abuse since i grew up that way and didnt seem nothin wrong with me. I suppose everything i tried to do right was abuse.

When i was young the grass was green

The sky was blue,

Girls liked pink, Boys liked blue

Boys were gross untill aged twelve,

But then maybe they still smelled.

We all stayed out 'till the sun went down and Jack fell down and broke his crown.

We all got whoopins and went to bed,

Woke up next mornin foggy in the head.

Folks yellin at each other throwin

Dishes breakin things

We hid under tables, ran out to the swings.

Didnt have airconditioning,

Hot summers there.

Heat made tempers worse i swear!

Playin pattycake runnin through the mill

If Jack cant catch me nothin will!

Screen door slammin runnin through the house

Dont let her catch me be quiet as a mouse!

Shhhh...

JOYDELL ROBINSON

Mom, its been so empty without you here all these years. Not a day passes that i dont want or need your advice still. Ive been so utterly lost without you, our whole family fell apart, and i was not strong enough to keep it together.

I admit my faith was shaken when we lost you so young, but not lost. I see you in the spring Iris and red rose blooms, I feel you at the lake when i dip my toes in the cool waters. I hear you every morning in the sweet melodies of the birds.

My cheeks are wet with tears of sadness, but also gladness for the time i had with you...

Instead of creating a life of longevity,

Maybe life would be better spent

In quality.

After all, a life well spent is not

Remebered with regret.

The moments cherrished

are moments shared.

Knowing well that even though

Love comes and goes,

Love shared coninuously flows.

To have lived a life thats full of

family and friends we love,

Thats what makes life worth having

quality connections with love.

A longer life without any one of these,

in the later years makes it hard to live with ease.

Especially when all you loved are now gone,

you feel "Whats the point? Everyone else has gone home!"

"Why did they leave me here alone, I'm lost and I wan't to go home."

So life is not about the money,

its how you gonna live your best life, Honey.

My mind takes me back...

Back to a warm but not too hot day, with gentle breezes blowing the switchgrasses just enough to make a hushed "shwish" as they blew over.

Redwing blackbirds singing sweetly as they sway with the grasses.

Im laying in the bed of my beat up old farm truck while spending time out in the pasture with my favorite people in the entire universe, my best friends, my confidants, my compadres. My horses.

As I'm layin here, i can hear them near snorting, stomping the flies, and swishing tails. I already spent the better part of the morning brushing and combing out loose hair, deshedding and scratching all the hard to reach spots. Lookin up at the sky, fluffy puffy white cumulus clouds are everywhere. A pair of turkey buzzards are circling in the distance probably a roadkill.

The grass smells sweet on the breeze and if I had to chose a day to die, this would be it because this would be my heaven.

Small things for others, kindness without being recognized.

Good deeds without noteriety.

Quiet graciousness shown to others is the divine way of sharing happiness.

Selflessness is a divine virtue, and brings you closer to God.

Service to others is the rent we pay for our time on earth. Make it worth while.

In return, the unexpected joy recieved is even more than what was given.

Give without expectation and you'll never be disapointed.

Always look at the sunny side of life and you'll always see rainbows!

Deona Boyle

aka VYXYN FOX

Its not the monster under my bed.

Its not the squeaky mouse eating

my bread.

Its not the wind whistling

'round my door,

or the way the wood creeks in my floor.

I just wish i could forget,

all the sweet times you made

me regret.

The valuble heirlooms you stole

for drugs.

I let you stay, yet, you were thugs.

Its not the pale moon through

my widow pane.

Its not the coyote howling in pain.

Its the loss of ones sweet little boy,

the memories that haunt

and keep me up at night.

They chose others over me,

I let them.

I made sacrifices for them.

They forgot who I am,

They are fine never seeing me or coming to my home.

They are ok with always putting themselves first.

I let them.

I always put them first.

They followed the crowd and

I let them.

They judged, misunderstood, and now live without me and

I let them.

I chased them when they were small, I guided them in early years,

but as adults they made thier choices. They know who and where I am. When it comes down to it,

they dont deserve me.

So yes,

I will just let them.

I guess loathing humanity is in my nature. It just comes with the territory.

Look I'm just biding my time in this prison called "life" untill the celestials deem me fit to go home.

This world is no life, this is Hell! This isnt living its just an existence to experience to understand humillity and benevolence. I never wanted or asked for this! Im sure this lesson has been lost on me for my heart has hardened on this whole experiment. No one is worth it. I learned to loath humans very early here when I was tortured as a child. Then I was told I had to forgive. Really?

Then it kept happening. By different but yet the same kind of humans. Again, I was told to forgive. Yet where was my justice?

Where is the justice for ones like me who are biding our time, just existing until we can leave this existence?

This world is a prison and I am an inmate.

Oh its the little things I plan to change.

For better or worse, better I hope.

I truly do want to get more excorcise, 5000 steps a day is the goal they say.

Ive managed to loose 120 lbs since 2023, I still but my goal isnt there yet so I'm working towards that.

I love paranormal stuff and investigation, but not this phony stuff going around.

Also I enjoy thriller movies, but hate gore. I really enjoyed the Pennydreadful sieries and the American Horror Storries so I intend to find more exciting stories.

Its just those little things you gotta enjoy, like you know,

Death.