You’ve ever felt numb?

without the drugs…

A feeling of time passing you by

and its going so fast

you can barely keep up

you look all around you

and everyone’s moved on

they’ve forgotten your loss

your hurt

the pain and trauma

they have expectations now

they want you to move on

“smile and be happy because this life is only one

appreciate what you have

and remember

everything happens for a reason

and what happened was meant to happen“

and you want to defend yourself

but the words don’t always come out

you’re so angry but the words never leave your mouth

The nerve of people thinking they know what you deserve

what happiness you’re meant to have

what hurt you can’t move on from

and you just stand there

quiet, defenseless… numb …

You are my peace which have made me more sane

You are the sun who made my rainy days fade away

You are the strength that enhanced my potential in every right state

You are the reason why my doubts have parted ways

You are my backbone

a kind of shield

when ever I needed to be healed

You’ve isolated my darkness

Shining bright ’till my shadow drifted into haze

You’ve given me true happiness

Something I’ve never really obtained

Its something I wouldn’t want to replace

We are a team, we are one,

You are my everything

& above it all

The one !

Inhale

Exhale

Take a deep breath

Stormy days will come to an end

Remember God wouldn’t give you

nothing you couldn’t take

Sunshine is on its way

See the beauty through it all

It could’ve been worse

But why wasn’t it better?

It could’ve been worse

but it could’ve been better

Am I still grateful?

Should I still feel whole

Lately I’ve just been feeling empty

I’m at my lowest

and I’m trying my hardest to stay put

but if you medicate you’re defined to be crazy

If you seek council you seek attention

The way I see it

If you ask for help you’ve become a burden

either way you put it you’ll be judged…

writing this while Dion was still here

and rereading it I get all the same feels

10x worse, much more intense

I always said we will get through this

but I always imagined it with you by my side at the end of it all

a long life ahead of you

with much more happy days ahead

I just wanted a chance to make you happy

and now it is I

who have to make myself happy again

but how.. with what?

this damage can not be undone

this hurt can not be fought

I lost you and now I have to live

with the what if’s and could be

for the rest of my life

you‘re gone with no return

and now here I stand

Golden brown curls

big curved brown eyes

with so much expression beyond his sight

beautiful flared nose

Followed by his full pink lips

That sun kissed skin

and don’t get me started on his cute little fits

trying to fill our silent air

I just love the time we spend

You fill me up with so many emotions

You’ve filled all the void I once knew

When I wake up

I am anxious to get to you

and before I fall asleep

I pray for your homecoming to be soon

I love you with every cell in my body

every inch of my heart

If we could trade places

I promise I would,

from the very start

This has been no easy journey

but for as long as you’re here

This trip will all just be a worthy memory

A prayer will do

Attracting the positive will prove

Meditation should soothe

Distraction is how you’ll handle your truth

Trust me the voices say

It worked for me, trust me, I’m proof

It all sounds easy when you’re the one preaching

It all seems simple when you’re not the one bleeding

You can’t feel what you don’t know

Trust me, I’m proof!

I used to think

If I gave it my heart

I will get the love I want

If I show all my love

I will get the man I like

I’ve always been the curious type

the one with questions,

just to be in the know

not to create some type of show

I’ve always been the one to tell

keep it 100 so you’d always know how I feel

The over thinker who over shares

and shows a lot that they care

to try and be the one you’d run too

when you’ve had a bad day

or even when you feel in the best of place

to try and be that best friend

no one really gets to know now in days

I’ve always tried, to put my best foot forward

and not let my vision die

But you see I’ve noticed

It doesn’t matter who or what you are

If they love you, they’ll love you for you

no matter the questions, the fights,

the oversharing, even cries

When you love you love

It doesn’t hide and it doesn’t blind

A healthy relationship takes a lot of work

it takes communication and understanding

It means looking at one

and telling yourself,

this is the one I can’t live without

and I’ll do whatever it takes

to make them a part of my life

To see their flaws and say this I can deal with

if it comes with more than half the things

I’ve prayed upon

not everyone likes to have someone’s full attention

not everyone likes to have someone’s lack of communication

but when you’ve found your one

You’ll make anything happen

to never part from the one your heart wants

the one your mind never stops thinking of

You’ll put in the effort it takes

to make your love right

Love me the way imperfect things are to be loved

careful and whole

filling up the cracks, to hold

unfolding the pieces, which had once fold

precisely with persistence

so you’d make amends with my flaws

Love me with your heart,

starting from the shadows of your inner walls

I’m fading between the cracks of my flaws

Becoming it all in one

I’m fading in your eyes

No more, the sparks I used to see

and I feel the emptiness

The light in my eyes are seeming to dim

I look around and I see its darkness

Falling all around you

Our touch is not the same

The tone in your voice has gained some strength

and it’s not only my heart this time

It’s my soul you’re leaving to pieces

To first Thanksgiving

To first snow storms

To first christmases

To welcoming our first New Years together

and God willing our first child in a few more months

I wouldn’t have wanted this with anyone else

You fill me up in ways I’ve never imagined

Since I’ve had this feeling towards you I’ve questioned everything I thought my life would be

Baby you complete me and I hope and pray we forever remain the same

May we grow together and never apart

I love you

I never thought I would say this

Or even feel this

but I trust you

I trust in your word

I trust you with my heart

I trust in your love in me

in the loyalty you say you’d give

Your spoken words, how they’ve driven me