I the grand scheme of reality I am nothing, I am not eternal, nor will any legacy I create withstand the test of time. I bring with me the pains of confusion, anxiety, and sadness. Yet these characteristics pale in comparison to my generosity, my creativity, and my happieness that keep me on my feet. I used to hide the self-loathing and insecurities deep within myself until I found courage and confidence chasing self doubt from the far depths of my personality. I am now, and I will forever with be human, and I will be real, and I will be content.

“So raise your glass if you are wrong,

In all the right ways,

All my underdogs,

We will never be never be, anything but loud

And nitty gritty, dirty little freaks

Won't you come on and come on and raise your glass,

Just come on and come on and raise your glass

Slam slam, oh hot damn

What part of party don't you understand,

Wish you'd just freak out (freak out already)

Can't stop, comin' in hot,

I should be locked up right on the spot

It's so on right now (so f***in' on right now)

Party crasher,

Panty snatcher,

Call me up if you a gangsta

Don't be fancy, just get dancy”

-P!nk“Raise Your Glass” (2010)

Love is a rock, it is constant, it is true, and it is real. It comes in such a beautiful variety of forms, and the form you are given can’t be changed or alter by anyone accept yourself . The difference comes in where you place your rock. Some people have their rock perched high on a cliff where a warm breath or soft whisper can send it tumbling wildly into an intense loving relationship. Others find themselves rolling down the gradual slope being hesitant, and getting to know their own rock before getting someone else’s rolling. The most common, however, is a staggering slope with its troughs as relationships break and reform, yet in the end every rock reaches a stop, and when it does, from the heat of love, a diamond is formed.

Eleven years, that’s the extent of which I’ve given my life to this, to the pursuit of what I can only call satisfaction. At the end of the road, it won’t be joy or fulfillment, simply put it will be the end. Yet with the path I’m forging, not for myself but for the praise of those around me, I have eight grueling years of much harder work remaining. Henceforth, I hereby surrender the the easy road of my eductation. Yet there exists a struggle within me, have I not worked just as hard to make it this far? Yes, I have and I have worked so hard that the young boy who once anxiously ran toward the bus stop and fantasized about curing cancer or explorering Mars is now has late work piled up from his AP courses yet still lacks any motivation to complete it. Instead he listens to sad music and stare blankly at the ceiling only to wake up having once again done none of his work and slowly walks to the bus stop, his mind clouded with thoughts about how his grades will suffer and how he will possibly survive the upcoming day. There does exist a small fraction of motivation in the support of my family and my grandmother who brags about my perfect scores to her friends,yet this motivation falls short as the walls of their expectations build up around me as “the first one in the family who going to go Ivy League” and “ our future doctor.” I really truly don’t want to disappoint them but no matter how hard I’ve tried the work I put in never seems to match the grades I get out of it and it’s so horribly destructive to my self-esteem the I’ve reached my limit. I know someone reading this reading this is probably thinking about how to did more and survived and I honestly applaud you, and I used to go above and beyond as well and a 95 would be a low grade for more. However, the work continues to flow in and I drown in the papers and stress. There are students who I’m smarter than or I can compete with who are excelling above me somehow finding the means to float in the abyss of projects and quizzes. I don’t blame them though, it’s not their fault that I simply can compete with the waves of textbooks barreling towards me. So I sink to the bottom and surrender, building a shell and assuring myself I’ll be fine in the end as long as I help others because I no longer serve a purpose in helping myself