I wish i were dead

But not yet

I have things to do

I have to live for today

And tomorrow

And for whatever comes after that

I have to believe that I'm worth it

That the world needs me

That the world wants me

That I need the world too

And I can accept it

And profit from it

And i will survive, I swear

I’ll make it there

I’ll do what I have to do

Because in the end

Even if I'm never happy

I will be content

With the life I have

and the future I build.

I won’t let them stop me

Looking at me with confused faces

Looking at me like I’m nothing

I am more than everything

Because I am me

The center of my own universe

And so I am absolute.

I am everything in my own mind

Because no one dared to come in

And so be it

Because that means more room for me.

For I, myself

my own wishes and desires

They are the only things that matter

And I won’t let anyone stop me

Because this is my life

And it’s all that I have

All that I care for

And all that I need

And I deserve that much.

Call me selfish

Call me lazy

But this is the only life I have

the only life I get

And I am the center.

I am in control.

I make the rules.

I

am

everything

to me.

.

I fall in love with every pretty thing,

every pretty little thing

in your soul

that sustains me

I fall for your charm

I fall for your manner

I dive into your body

I sleep on your skin

I fall for the molecules and particles

that swirl around in this universe

and collide into you

creating my perfection

I fall in love with every pretty thing

sunshine between the clouds

the first breath of spring

moonlight on my skin,

on a summer night

the way you smell

and the way you laugh

in a caring heart and a brave soul

I fall in love with every pretty thing

.

I was inspired by the line above and this song followed me through.

https://youtu.be/xvhWic5P32w

My head is pounding.

My skin feels slick.

My shoulders ache.

I'm so tired.

But no matter how much I sleep,

this feeling doesn't fade.

Let me go.

Let me be.

I'm tired.

But there's so much life left.

How can I enjoy it

in such a state?

I want to move forward.

but I feel myself wilting fast.

At this point

there's nothing left to do

but let myself fall.

What she said:

Unloveable.

Is it really so strange?

Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me.

What difference does it make?

Please, please, please, let me get what I want:

This charming man.

How can I hurt myself today?

I don't know what's left to do.

I'm not sure what's wrong.

So it's clearly in my head.

Something inside.

How can I hurt myself today?

I'm scared of pain.

But there's something inside.

And I need to pry it out.

The blood is soothing.

But the burning vexes me.

And I can't go deep enough.

To find what's hiding there.

How can I hurt myself today?

I'll flush it out.

Keep my mouth shut

Till my stomach is hollow.

Emptiness consuming me.

But it's never enough

I can still feel it

Eating inside.

How can I hurt myself today?

The bottle's smell sickens me.

And the taste isn't better.

Burning everything.

Yet revealing nothing.

How can I hurt myself today?

There's nothing left.

I can't even find

Any merchants of bliss.

Nothing I can take

To rip myself apart.

How can I hurt myself?

I have no control.

My body wants me to live.

Yet won't let me thrive.

I can't find what's wrong.

So all of me

Has got to go.