When I show them my smile

They don’t see the pain

The constant sorrow deep within my soul

The crash of our hearts

Is more than one should ever bare

How did this happen?

I wish we could pause and step back

I’d find a way

To tape our shattered pieces together

And push play

To start over once more.

I honestly

Just want to break

Please just let me disappear

Allow these feelings

Of loneliness

And end it here

Every day

Is a losing fight

No matter how I try

To keep this charade

Of happiness up

But I wish

that I’d die

I’m sorry if these words

Are too heavy

But I really must go

I love you

And please keep in mind

This was

Nobody’s fault

But my own.

My mind races

Into a labyrinth of infinite thoughts

With every fleeting minute

I become consumed

In doubt, in self-hatred

Who on earth are you?

I ask myself

I scream from within

But I can't get through to you

Further away I go...

Falling...

Tumbling...

Until I shatter

In to a million different pieces

Never to be

Put back together

Take my hand

And hold me near

For time has ceased

In this moment

As we speak

You are gentle and kind

Like the breeze

That kisses each leaf

On the highest treetops

You know exactly what to say

Like the way the moonlight

Speaks to the tide

When dancing upon

Her shimmering waves

You are patient and strong

Like the brightest star

Blazing through the night sky

Lighting the way

Yes, I was only just existing

And then there was you.

This morning I woke up

Like any other day

But as the day continued

I felt the shades of gray

The shades

they come

the shades

they go

but are never far behind

The shades are rigid

and they’re sharp

and weigh

upon my mind

The shades

they bend

and they twist

Til’ the tears well up

In my eyes

And with each tear

That rolls down my cheek

I know there’s

hope and light

To grasp, to hold,

to breathe again

And make it through

The day

For this shade of gray

is just a feeling

That comes and goes today.

Sometimes the things

We tell ourselves

They’re never really true

But if you tell it long enough

It becomes a part of you

You tell me I’m not good enough

That I’ll never fit this part

You twist and dig

And push and pull

Until it breaks my heart

Someday I know

I’ll find a way

To mend this broken heart

Pick up the

pieces, carry on

And push past through

The dark

Sometimes the things

we tell ourselves

We want them to be true

And if you say it loud enough

It becomes a part of you.

I don’t want to feel this way, there’s a disconnect in my soul.

I’ve learned to disguise myself the best I can, the best I know how.

This has been the hardest week — You’re so sad lately and you feel like you’ve lost yourself. Your mind feels like a puzzle that can’t be put together, like the pieces just won’t fit. One moment you are doing ok and then out of nowhere you have this sense of loneliness that you’ve never felt, and it breaks you. It breaks you down so hard, the tears come from nowhere and you just want to scream because this is not who you are. You look in the mirror and all you see is the sadness. Your eyes look different. Your face is not familiar. You look tired, you feel tired. You just want all of these feelings to go away — You don’t want people to see you so broken. You don’t like it when everyone is constantly worrying. If you can just find the moments of joy I know you’ll be ok. You just have to remember to breath. Reach out to family and friends when you need them the most and know that it’s ok not to be ok. You are strong and you need to keep fighting. Tomorrow is a new day to begin again. You know this is hard but this is what your depression looks like and you’ll come out on the other side.

Love,

Me

Here comes this sadness again

Just like an untimely downpour

I am caught in the storm

Unkempt, drenched, and broken

The thunder drums on

Booming

Louder and louder

Pulling at my

Inner being

The lightening strikes

And I am left frightened and alone

When will this storm pass?

I am left beat down and

I just want the sky to clear

For my mind to clear.

Now you see me

But I wish you wouldn’t

My heart is heavy

And my soul

Screams out

My mind wanders

Like a lost spirit

Looking to find their

Way to the light

If only just around

The corner...

Now you see me

But I wish you wouldn’t

Please just let

Me disappear

In this act

Of an illusion

I call myself

Will you please just look away?

Now you see me

But I wish you wouldn’t

When the weight

Of the world

Knocks me down

I’d like to

Fast forward

Fade away

If only for the moment

If only from myself

But like any

Vanishing act

As Illusive

As it may seem

I will eventually

Find my way

To the light

If only just around

The corner...

Now you see me.