Alone I wander, searching for something lost

A myriad conversations ago.

Frantically I search through oceans, through frost.

 I search for tomorrow and tomorrow.

I think you'd aid me if only you knew.

The sorrow and soft somber fear I've gained

From your sad flight. I cried, laughed, withdrew.

I miss your laugh, delicate touch, soft eyes.

I miss being held and cherished and safe.

You left unknowingly, quiet demise.

I wish you hadn't left me in your wake.

One day we will dance extravagantly

Through our dreams, quietly, passionately,

In love.

White walls, locked doors, locked windows, tortured souls.

No knives, no danger, can't escape, can't die.

Soft whispers (hidden screaming), made-up goals.

Truth is punished, lies rewarded, there's no Sky.

Cameras watching, eyes watching, will they see?

Stay quiet, Ratchet hides, in the evening.

Vacant gaze, empty minds, don't laugh, don't be.

I won't cry, she cocks the gun, no feeling.

Ativan after Ativan shoved down me.

No phone calls, can't get help, don't swear, fucking bitch.

Masked emotions, hidden fear, let me see.

Provoked rage, sadistic treatment, set me free.

I want to run outside again despite

The sorrow.

I want to see the sun.

The thump of my heart flies against my chest,

I shiver at your voice's soft murmur.

Each shallow breath I take leaves me suppressed.

Each unconscious sigh excites me further.

Intent, passion, tumbles through my body,

You pull me tight, and my mind is dizzy.

Whenever we're this close, it gets foggy,

My world becomes you, and no longer busy.

I am a bird, soaring among the clouds

and you are the air, whispering past me.

And in our connection, the worries, crowds

of people vanish, leaving us carefree.

Energy thrums between shared touches, kisses.

Nose-to-nose, our souls collide. Content, I listen.

Don't tell me that the world is black and white,

Don't pretend there is only good or bad.

You dismiss them all as monsters, despite

The fact that we are all grieving, all sad.

I will never forget the pain previewed,

almost buried, in the eyes of strangers,

or the sound of my footsteps in their shoes.

You seek safety, but this view has dangers.

If you could see their thoughts, desires, fears,

would you still cling to this mentality?

If you lived through their laughter, nightmares, tears,

would you still judge with such brutality?

Right versus wrong denies us emotion.

We are all human, we are all broken.

Skin brushes against skin, wild in our want,

We're so damn close, but it's never enough.

In my frustration, your eyes seem to taunt,

To beg, to plead, touch me, face soft and rough.

I need to pull you closer and closer.

This urgency, is new to me, frightening.

This moment, a symphony, us, the composer.

Our bodies, voices, thunder and lightning.

I look towards you, and comfort descends.

Recognition washes over. Secure

again, I know you belong. We depend

on each other, this feeling reassures.

Finally I understand, you are close.

You lean in. As we kiss, time slows.

Uncontrollable laughter, startled out

of hiding. Sighing, soft susurrations.

Kissable, luscious, adorable pout.

Innocent smirks, devious flirtations.

Confident, comforting utterances,

Nose-to-nose, soft eyes which seek to save mine,

entreat buried emotions, convinces

a crumpled flower to open in the sunshine.

And numerous other small and big things.

Warm warm arms, even in bitter winter,

wrap around, protecting me, strong safe wings.

And a low, husky voice makes me shiver.

Your mere presence washes away the pain,

releases me, I learn to love again.

I think maybe I was just built broken,

Built unfixable, built incapable,

Of trust, happiness, of love. Forsaken.

Years of betrayal, I'm not savable.

Every plea for unconditional love,

has left me barren, drowned another

piece of me, now no sun shines from above,

I'm cold. I yearn, deeply, but I'm smothered.

Your calm grasp makes my doubts fade, disappear.

Your warm hold brings me firm reassurance.

You aren't trying to fix me, but rather,

guide me back to the road, give me balance.

And I whisper, scared, never let go.

You hold me tight, you will never let go.

Slowly, subconsciously I've let down my walls.

Let someone into my life.

I can't point out the exact second we went from just friends to something so much more,

but I'm scared that our deep connection

will break. In the past, I've failed with intimacy.

The chemistry between us is stronger

than any connection I've ever felt.

I fell for your kindness, courage, honor

But I'm troubled with the cards I've been dealt.

We are reunited puzzle pieces,

Fitting within each other perfectly.

The closer we get, my worry increases,

You feel oh so right, but the urgency

In which I need your hold, your voice, your soul

Is frightening, and I forget to breathe.

You feel the same way, this out-of-control

bond. And together, our emotions seethe.

I terrified that I will lose myself

in you. Truthfully, I already have.

How is it possible that your absence

makes this world louder, leaves a glaring noise?

How is it that I crave your touch, but wince

at the thought of being touched by someone else?

Deep brown eyes hold promises of something

unfamiliar, something true, wicked.

I whisper mischievous thoughts, blushing,

still surprised I've let my guard be lifted.

You have slipped past every, single defense,

and fit like a glove, right next to my heart.

Sometimes we'll fight, but always with intense

passion, there's no malice, an unique art.

Only in your arms could I find comfort,

Only in your arms, I cease to suffer.