“There will come a time. Where my heart will finally start to feel happy and whole again. I have started to let you go. I will look back at you and say thank you for teaching me things that I needed to learn. I’ll thank myself for learning how to love myself. I can finally breathe. I’m letting you go and it feels so good, so blissful. You will always be a great memory, but no longer my present. I’m happy I can finally say. I am truely happy. I’m sorry for you. Cause it is too late now for this path that i am going, there is no way In hell that I will ever love you like that again, you lost your chances but I have gained freedom and it tastes so good. Now I understand the author of milk and honey.” —Terraburnettt
In my own words
A feeling. A action. A emotion.
A good question is what do you do with love once you have it. Do you notice it? Do you have the patience for it. Do you have the time to recognize love doesn’t have a specific definition. So here is where I’ll start.
Love is an enteral feeling one struggles to comes to terms with. Especially if you’re lost in this world. Love for me was her. Love for me was a person and I put that definition to a name a face. With that I put a house and with that kids. You see with love I started to make a path way to my future. That was what Love was starting to become to me.
My future, my love had many problems... she had health issues and I made sure I was there for love every step of the way. I made sure love felt wanted. I made sure love felt safe I made sure love felt at home even if home was my arms and my heart. I made sure love ate. I made sure love grew. I made sure I gave love every single bit of me. I was engulfed by love. Till love sometimes let’s you go. Then love changes to loneliness and comes other feelings, but that is a story for a different time. But love is great.
Maybe I’m crazy but, Love is connected to many feelings. It’s a universal combo emotion. Love, the feeling/ emotion has an Insecurity, that doesn’t show you in small print. Love is afraid when it comes to happiness, it is afraid to run out of love. Love has fears, and you must see to it if you are going to take that risk and that jump to fate. You must see if your willing to hold on for the ride... or let go. —Terraburnettt
Pansy... what is love
"You're... so dark now" don't come at me with that bs. If you made me dark. Don't come at me with that bs. If you're gunna lie to my face. Don't come after me with that bs question "why". You know the reason why. Don't come after that bs, if you want to tell me one thing and be two faced the other. And sure ass FUKIN hell don't tell me you care about me. Don't you fuckin try to pry into my personal life. Stop that shit. Go enjoy someone else's darkness. Don't try to be drinking out of mine. I like mind a dark brew. Fuck fake people. Don't come with me that bs you love me. I've been fighting for you. I didn't gave up. I didn't pull that pansy shit you did. I didn't lead anyone on. I didn't have to think twice when I would drop everything for you. When I didn't want to did what I did in the past. Am at last I just did it. You're a fucken pansy being scared it's real. You're a pansy because shits hitting the fan. You're a pansy because you're afraid reality is hitting you. I'm there I'll leave you just as fast. You're a pansy because you know if you choose. You'll loose me for good. You're a pansy. Because you suck the life out of things so you don't die fast. But you were my pansy. I don't want you to die fast. You were my pansy. I didn't want to not pay attention to you. I watched you and took care of you from afar.... but I let a weed grow in your soul... and damn I didn't think it would last long... I didn't pluck it out on time and it absorbed you. You were my pansy from the beginning... I was there first to see you bloom. I was there first to see you grow... I'm still here last to see you show your beautiful colors. I'm near the end of that race.... Maybe it just terrifies you. Maybe it terrifies you... how much I'm willing to give up and fight for you.... isn't that the kind of love you know it's worth it... isn't that the kind of love people want... what is love...
If you held me last night. You would smell disappointment. You'd smell the salt on my cheeks from tears. The wet shoes from the beach house I was house sitting alone last night. Where I wanted to jump from the porch and drown. The mascara runs. Smoke in my hair and burns on finger tips from the cigars I smoked. The smell of faint puke and cinnamon alcohol on my breath. You'd see the mess I've became. A disappointment in the eyes of the making since the beginning to the ending. Grease hair from stress. Bruises on knuckles from walls winning battles I thought I could win. No life in my eyes. Weight being lost. If you ask me if I'm ok. I'll say I don't know what your talking about. I'll say "I'm fine"-Terraburnettt
Black & Mild Wine
I talked to you last night. Dear lord was it a roller coaster ride of my life. Funny cause you know I am terrified of heights no pun intended there. But you made me feel like I was living. Yesterday night felt unreal and yet I know, as I sit here smoking the cancer stick inhaling it's bitter yet sweet black and mild; wine rich flavor for which you recommend to me. I have that deep depth dark feeling in the bit of my chest, that, things after this will maybe never be the same after I leave. That.... When I go there it might indeed this time be the last time I see you. Because of the forces that want me and you to change. The forces that want us to never be anything to one another. I will live my days while I'm there wondering always of what if. there is nothing that will change that. I spent the past six months falling for you all over again after the one mistake I made. But all I can say I guess, is that I am in love with the memories. That is all that is left with in you. Memories For which everything that is in my room you have touched or kissed. Memories of laughter hand holding, wrinkled noses, dream stories, movie dates, coffee dates, little gestures. I was hurting the other day our song came on the phone. I danced. I .... I imagined holding you when we danced to it feeling you breathe me in and I closed my eyes trying to remember the smell of you and your touch. I never felt such a rush of feelings flood in at once. I had to skip the song. Because I couldn't handle it. You tell me to make a goal for myself I do have a goal. One that may indeed be impossible. But one that I had from the start. One I can't let go of one that. I'll be waiting maybe until I die. How ever long it takes. I'll wait for the impossible to happen maybe as I brake. But I can say it is worth the braking by you. Because In the end you'll be happy. And In the end. I can teach people what love truly is. It's worth living for.-terraburnettt
Nothing Was Greater
Your head on my chest. Nothing was greater then that.
The feeling of being whole. Nothing was greater then that.
Never feeling close enough. Nothing was greater then that.
Letting Legs tangled together. Nothing was greater then that.
Letting you in to see my soul. Nothing was greater then that.
Seeing your soul, falling in love with it. Nothing was greater then that.
Being able to call you only mine. Nothing was greater then that. -Terraburnettt
And here I am sitting in the park. At the picnic table I wrote our names in. Why did I wrote our names here ? Remember how you used to FaceTime me and I hated when you sat at that picnic table cause I would lose connection with you. Yeah it was a good memory. But now we're at that state. In life. We have a bad connection. I can't hear you. You can't hear me. And I'm crying out in that void of poor connection begging for you to see me. To hear me cause I'm not done talking. I have lot more to say.