I can’t forgive myself

For being born

An assured calamity

Of a metaphysical experience

Crawling out of the abyss

Into the humiliation of the self

With ambiguous lucidity

And the unique misfortune

Of an unwanted existence

Simply waiting for

The inextricable

Annihilation of life

Embracing the sweetness

Of death

Dark house, lights out,

Long night, alone now,

Shadows move, rooms black,

Strange noise, moving about,

Heavy air, frozen feet,

Something lurks, between the sheets,

Eyes wide, skin cold,

Deep breath, long hold,

Not alone, emerging face,

Helpless, stuck in place,

Another night, darkness,

Sleeping paralysis

breathe...

stomach tightening into knots,

something in the windows, or

something is not where it's

supposed to be. disarray. panic.

a stranger. the walls are moving.

shifting, like an A.I. generated image,

I cannot trust my eyes. I cannot trust

my ears. I cannot trust my fingertips,

all six and a half of them. wait. not

right. I cannot trust my brain, my body.

I cannot trust you.

b r e a t h e . . .

everything feels slower now. in a

fast way. slow and fast. all at once.

my breathing is slow. fingers clenched

tight. I cannot afford to let go. of myself.

I cannot stop. writing. thinking.

breathing.

was that always here? the hole in the

wall? or did someone drill a hole,

trepanation, planted a camera, a nail

to hang a picture frame to cover

their eyes. watching. I am being watched.

b r e a t h e . . .

I am stretched thin trying to remember

who I am and where I left the keys. check

the pocket. the car. under the bed. the other

pocket. hiding places are everywhere. I cannot

let it swallow me.

i don't have time to check today. running

late. don't look back, or i'll be. trapped here.

i don't have time to cross my t's or capitalize

my i's. is there even an I left or is it only i. do i

have a proper noun or only this false semblance,

meant to be an adjective. i describe you. i am u.

b r e a t h e . . .

too long. too loud. too much. too many. not

enough. make up your mind. paint it until

it starts looking like all the other brains,

pink and grey and white and wrinkled flesh,

dopamine and serotonin and chemicals that

make me feel something. make me feel something.

my face is painted to look angry. sad. happy.

i didn't check today. i didn't capitalize my i. or

cross my t. now i am stomach tightening, breathe

fast and slow and nonexistent. heartbeat the same.

now i am cold. dark. sightless and soundless. everything

and nothing and something, once upon a time.

but no longer. now i'm

A ledge makes a sharp, cutting fulcrum

Unnatural to my center of gravity

Perched upon a destiny

Invites hindsight to laugh--giddy and cruel

All the life behind me

Leans me forward toward the sounds of traffic

All of the relief before me

Is only halfheartedly resistant

What's known, the past, is solid

With consequences etched in stone

What's not lies ahead, with lies

The future is a hard place

Is there a point

Not quite in free fall

Not quite in retreat

Where I can continue, laughing, too?

He was found in his apartment on July 28th. He passed away on July 25th. Link:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cufns9pvy4f/?igshid=NjIwNzIyMDk2Mg==

Bill link

His last video was for me, @SharondaBriggs

You will be missed Young Prince.

Here's Here's

The following  are Reapers top 10 favorite/recommended games in no particular order.

1st up has to be Hollow Knight. Shout out to Team cherry because little guys on the block pack a punch! This game is seriously phenomenal! Reaper thought they hit the pinnacle of side scrolling exploration action adventure with zero mission, but then Hollow Knight shows up and somehow tops it. Everything about this game is incredible! The characters, the artwork, the esthetic, its truly a unique and memorable gaming experience.  And it's hard! Get that hand holding bs out of Reapers face and get good! Reaper likes that the game does apologize for its difficulty. Those saw blades were everywhere... everywhere... What was Reaper saying? Oh yes, Hollow Knight is a must play! In fact, go get Hollow Knight right now. Its super cheap and worth every penny! Go! Go now! Seriously stop reading this if you have not played Hollow Knight and go play the game. Reaper will still be here when you get back. Get going, go! ….................….........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

You back? Cool. No worries. You can thank Reaper later. Right now, you have to go online and spend a week catching up on all the Hollow Knight lore, secrets, and theories you missed.  By the by if Hollow Knight ever makes it into Smash, its over for all of you. And Speaking of Smash...

2nd Unless you live under a rock 20,000 leagues under the sea you already know of the awesomeness that is Super Smash Bros Ultimate. My goodness it's like the gift that keeps on giving! If you have ever been to a smash tournament, you know the hype level is through the roof compared to most other tournaments. But as fun as 3 stock 1 vs 1 final destination can be, when it's played for its intended purpose, as a party game that really takes it up to 11. Get six friends on a couch, (or several because of social distancing) and watch the good time's role. Head to Hyrule Temple and fight it out for half an hour. Go to Ice Mountain push your opponent into the mouth of a waiting fish. Go nuts! Turn items on high! Play with guns only. Or turn on just pokeballs!  Make a smashsketball map! Have a super-giant match! Go to the giant settings and turn on big mushrooms metal boxes and lightning. (Reapers personal favorite party mode) Play 3 vs 3 or 2 vs 2 vs 2. Smash + friends is an instant fun switch (pun intended)

3rd  Back in its day nothing hit quite like Star Fox 64. If you played this growing up Reaper is betting you can quote at least the 1st levels from memory. Though this game is short, straightforward and to the point, the character interaction, aspect of rewarding increasing skill and memorization, and overall immersiveness of this game, gives it unlimited replay value. This game is timeless! If you have an hour and a half to spare and you have an N64 lying around go ahead and play through star fox 64. You’ll be glad you did. But in case its been a while here’s a friendly reminder. Do a barrel roll!

4th Next up is Paper Mario: The Thousand - Year Door. Doesn't that just sound like a great title? Now if you haven't played any of the Paper Mario games, you're missing out. These games are funny, unique, and quite different from the typical Mario experience. (Not that there's anything wrong with the typical Mario experience just trying to help those who are unaware grasp the game concept) And in Reapers opinion The Thousand-Year Door is the best of the bunch. (Reaper has not yet played Origami King) The writing is downright charming with memorable characters, cool super moves, and great pacing. Reaper highly recommends this game to anyone who might have passed it over by chance. Or any paper Mario for that matter! (But not Sticker Star. We don’t speak of Sticker Star)

5th  You guys knew this one was coming. The Legend of Zelda Breath of the Wild. Is it a perfect game? No. Is it a true master piece? Yes! This game takes all the typical structure of Zelda and turned it on its head and still somehow managed to bring us all the legendary adventure we all love and then some! Did anyone else feel like a speck when the map opened up and you’re like, you mean this area that we’ve been roughing it in for the past couple of days is just a dot so small you can't even find it on the world map!?!  What about spending weeks without any really objective because you simply MUST find out what's at the top of every cliff you pass by? There were so many times Reaper was playing through this game and was think man this is truly fun! Reaper can't wait for Breath of the Wild 2!!!

6th  Next up is going to have to be The Legend of Zelda Marjora’s Mask. Yes that’s right two helpings of Zelda. It had to be done. Majora’s mask is truly the darkest themed legend of Zelda to date and Reaper loves it! The mystery, the themes, the intensity, the constant threat of impending doom is simply masterfully done! In Reapers opinions it takes a mature mind to grasp all the undertones present throughout the game. One of the major ones being the cycle of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. If you haven't played this game since reaching adulthood, Reaper recommends giving it another go. It might touch your heart on a deeper level than your carefree younger self could comprehend. Also if you want even more Majora’s mask goodness head to the Prose bookstore and check out The Boy and the Bartender Chronicles, the only short story book on Prose based on the events of the game! (*Achievement Unlocked! Shameless plug Achieved!*)

7th  So theres going big and there going Big. And when it comes to Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate, they definitely went big with a capital B. Reaper has been hunting monsters for 7 generations, and has yet to see a “deluxe” release as dynamic as the one from Tri to Ultimate. Reaper knows this is somewhat controversial in the community but Reaper happened to enjoy the underwater combat. Nothing really gives that feeling of tenacity during a hunt, when the monster you’ve been fighting tries to flee into the water and without missing a beat you dive in after it! Thought to be completely honest Reaper is not sure which monster hunter deserves to be on the list? Tri provided the best online experience; Double cross was the largest by far world was a gamechanger etc etc. The important thing is Reaper had to put monster hunter on here. Reapers currently playing throughMonster Hunter Rise and loving it! If any of you Proser happen to see Reaper out on the hunt, be sure to say hi! Fellow hunters out there know that monster hunting isn't just an occupation, it’s a way of life!

8th You’ll never see this one coming...  That right Reapers gotta give it to Person 5! This game is so freaking good! As soon as you're off the home screen your blasted with awesome artwork and sound tracks which will be present thought-out the game. Just look at the art in the transition scenes, the loading screens, even the freakin menu! They really went above and beyond to give the phantom thieves an aesthetic that’s present in every aspect of the game. The voice acting is great, the characters are fun and memorable, and the freedom is borderline overwhelming.  With such a story driven game you might be thinking you could be satisfied watching a let's play of this (and there a certainly some good ones out their) But Reaper highly recommends taking off your own mask and becoming a phantom thief! Reaper has not played Person 5 Royal (The deluxe/definitive addition) yet though definitely plans to do so. Last note, the battle victory transition scene is flawless! Easily the best in the business. If you can find a better one then please tell Reaper so he can go pay his respects!

9th  Lets talk The Legend of Dragoon. Reaper is guessing there are a good portion of you who have no idea what this game is. Reaper weeps for your childhood. This game was revolutionary! In its day it was basically in its own league. The combat was so unique, fun, and interactive and the story was amazing! Plus the game was four discs long! Four! Not sequels or DLC or updates the game was four disks long! That’s insane! Reaper has never seen the likes before or since. And yes, Reaper understands technology has changed and blah blah blah but if nothing else this is just a testimate to how ambitious and ahead of its time this game project was. There have been rumors floating around about a possible remake in the near future. Reaper certainly hopes this is true.

10th Now last but not least, especially considering this list is in no particular order let's talk about Nier Automata. Reapers not sure if this classifies as a hidden gem but this one certainly doesn't get the noise it deserves.  This is one of those games where you might glace at the cover and say, “Nah this seems a bit too niche, probably won't satisfy my pallet.”  To you Reaper say less talking more playing Neir Automata! This game. No seriously this game! You’ll feel feelings playing this game. Just... just play the game. Do the world a favor and play this game. Play it all the way through. Unlock all the endings. This is not just some completionist  mantra. If you want to get the most out of Neir Automata (and you want to get the most out of Neir Automata) play through the game with the different characters till you get all the ending. Your soul will thank you. What's this? You don’t have a soul? No worries! After playing through Nier Automata you’ll grow a brand new one! Just one word of advice. Turn the setting to normal or easy during the tutorial then switch it to whatever you want once you can save the game. Your gonna want to take Reaper's word on this one. 

A soul may or may not be generated after playing Nier Automata. A soul is a manifestation of emotion, personality, mind, thoughts and feelings and might be interpreted differently for some readers. Thought the writers of Nier Automata seem to believe a machine is capable of cultivating a soul there is no guarantee that the same is true for whom or whatever happens to be reading this message.  An individual currently betting or selling their soul, tearing their soul into fragments and storing them in magical artifacts in an attempt to achieve immortality, or using them to craft cool weapons out of everyday objects may or may not experience growth in damaged or removed soul area upon completion of this game. D-Reaper is not an official spokesperson for Neir Automata and cannot be held responsible if any or all of the mentioned effects occur.

And that’s that. Reaper is happy to share his list of favorite/recommended games but admits this list is fluid and might change if Reaper is asked again a few weeks from now.  That being the case Reaper must give some honorable mentions to Metroid Prime Echos, Dragon Ball Z Budokai Tenkaichi 3, Fire Emblem Path of Radiance/Radiant Dawn, Kingdom Hearts 2, Xenoblade Chronicles, Bastion, Banjo Tooie, Sonic Adventures 2 Battle, Orcarina of Time, Twilight Princes, Oracle of Ages, (Please do a remake!)  Skies of Arcadia, Tales of Symphonia, Finale Fantasy 7, Zero mission, God of War, and Undertales. And lastly Reaper knows that you did not stop reading to go get a copy of Hollow Knight and for that shame on you! Now that we have reached the end take yourself along with the shame that Reaper has now placed upon you, to your game vendor of choice and purchase Hollow Knight. You’ll be glad you did!

Sup Prosers, good new, Reaper finally finished the Boy and the Bartender Chronicles based on the Legend of Zelda Majora’s Mask and it is officially available to read in the bookstore. (or on Reaper’s page, Reaper thinks that’s doable.)

“But Reaper weren’t you suppose to finish that last year?”

“But Reaper why did we have to wait so long for a three-chapter book?”

“But Reaper it’s been so long I don’t even know what a boy and bartender is!”

Whoa whoa whoa! Everybody chill out! So, Reaper was going to post this last year but then COVID happened and-

“But Reaper, you already used that excuse last time! ”

Silence you fools! Ahem... What Reaper is trying to say is there were several unexpected delays including but not limited to COVID, 3rd party delays, and being locked out of Prose for a few months. Though with all the excuses accounted for this was still a very long time to wait considering the project size and Reaper does apologize for the extremely long wait time. If you are tagged in this post, it is likely that you liked or commented on one of the earlier drafts Reaper posted so thank you for your input and support. Reaper hopes that you will enjoy reading the completed story because Reaper certainly enjoyed writing it! And then of course if you don’t remember reading such a story or no longer have interest in seeing how it ends, you should definitely check out the artwork for the cover at least because Fugativespade did an awesome job! And that’s a bought the size of it. Reaper will see you all in the next post. Till then keep reading, keep writing!

It’s not fair. It’s not our fault.

We have no say in our own lives.

We’re living a fairy tale someone else wrote.

We dread it.

We run from it.

But destiny still arrives.

We are thinkers, not talkers.

We are problems, not solutions.

We are heroes of the dark, villains with a spark.

The heroes hate us.

Because that’s their story.

They hate us to fill the chapters of a hero’s life.

Because in the story hating a villain makes them feel like heroes.

How many villains suffer in silence?

’Cause real villains don’t cry.

It’s not enough to close our eyes.

Because our scripts are embedded into our minds.

And we follow them until we die.

No need to try to be that perfect girl

this ain't only your world

so scram

cause im already perfect the way I am

I don't need no dumb boy

All I can say is enjoy

you don't have to be a fan

Im perfect the way I am

I really don't care what you do

screw you

I am not your pearl

No need to be that girl

So scram

Cause Im already perfect the way am.