It’s hard to fill what

Can’t be.

Body compromises

With what I got.

It’s solid.

Mind takes what it’s

Told to regurgitate

Others to hear.

Soul acquires each

Life experience.

Gets older with time.

But the one I

Love the most isn’t

Quite there. Never

Empty but not there.

Beats me along a

Broken path that

Leads to scars.

Cherishing each.

Hating them all.

Connected to the

Soul it’s never

Lonely. While the

Body protects from

Swords meant to harm.

Mind thinking

Outside the means to

See where it is.

This special hole

Won’t be filled but

It’ll keeping eating

And growing.

Love it or

Hate it, it’s eating

Until it’s satisfied.

Fuck.

I’m up again and I can’t seem to go back to sleep. Not for lack of trying.

Body sore, mind boggled, I can’t see why I’m here. Thinking it’s better I lay here.

I mean why not?

Everyday has turned into the same ole song I love to visit for my cost of living and it’s not adding up. I’m stuck.

Seems like the shadowy path I’ve travelled makes me wish I went on it less.

Wishing I went somewhere different. Maybe somewhere with love or excitement. Whatever.

I’m done.

But I’m scared. To give up. Fall back. Lay here. Take it.

Because the day just started. Cynic is far from who I am. Realist maybe but I smile too much to give up.

I mean...

Because what if that shadowy today isn’t so bad in the past and the future is really the best present?

So it looks like I’m getting up and actually doing something. And no matter what, I think it’ll be worth it.

So I’ll put in my quarter and see what today I get and know it’ll be mine.

When I’m told

I’m speaking

“Proper”,

....

I tend to cringe.

Coming from the

South, I always

Think it’s that.

But later,

I knew it wasn’t.

I’m black.

I get it.

It’s ain’t

Hard to tell.

But it’s

Hard to hear

....

Apparently.

Racial politics

Is tiring.

Especially in

Stereotyping.

So I try to

Hold my tongue.

Before I’m

Cut off.

Tired of

How I sound

Doesn’t match

My look.

It’s boring.

Find the

Next critique

How I should

Be.

Because I’m not

Done being

Me.

I’ll change,

Change, change

As fast as I can.

Because life keeps

Catching me.

No matter

Where I am.

No matter the

Moment I’m in

I’m blind to the

Moment I’m

Living in.

Unaware of all

That’s happening.

Wishing I could

Slow it all down

But knowing

Change comes,

I can’t help

The regardless.

So I try to

Beat the change

Before I realize

I have. Because

Deep down

I know this

Moment will be

The ever so

Changing past.

Whenever I had the thought

Of ending it all,

It was never because I

Desired an endless pit,

Or worrying whether

If I’m above or below.

I just wanted to stop.

Waves of pain and

Torture on my

Emotionally driven mental.

Too often than not

Do I ponder about

Taking what others

Deem precious. And it’s

Funny because I find it

Precious too. I don’t

Want to squander what

I was born with

But I find the easiest

Solution is the quickest.

My blessing is my curse

Because even when I

Want this life I find

Thoughts keep occurring.

So no I don’t

Want this all to end.

I just want to stop

Hurting.

I’ve been told I come

Alive in the night time.

But that’s really only

True when the moon shines.

Light giving me what

I need out of me.

Giving me security, trust,

And reason to be alive.

Too often I find my

Peace under the illuminated

Light in the shroud of

Night. Finding relation

In the uniqueness

Of situation were both in.

Only when the sun shine

And cloudy sky be damned

Do we get to be seen.

Otherwise the hundreds of

Stars and clouds block the

View of we. I wish

Upon thee. Let us be

Seen by others that don’t

Acknowledge our beauty.

So maybe one day,

We can have what was

Ours and alone truly.

It’s hard to stay

Woke when I’m

Sleep. Eyes faithfully

Shut to the horrors

I’m witnessing

Each time I

Close my eyes.

Dream filled

Nightmares I’m

Loving the time,

Each one worse

Than the next to

Fuel my dead

Imagination for

Inspiration. I’m

Full and the

Screams stop long

Enough for me

To wake up,

Look around, and

Hold myself so

Tight to the ground.

Never thinking

I wanted to stop

The motion of

Imagination for

Peace of mind.

Nothing in this world is

Free. At least that’s what

I learned in my time.

And when I say

Free, I don’t mean with

Our view of money

But cost on what it takes

To be. Free thought has

Cost on the mind that

Supplied the thought.

Beyond the time for the

Thought itself, it makes

My mind do backflips

Trying to decipher

Itself and that is

Costly. I’m not

Mad about the cost. It’s

Just the realization of

Process is awakening.

Food for thought

Has a high price

On this mind of mine,

So I’ll make sure each

Thought will be

Worth its price.

What happens when the

Chink in your armor

Heals? Surprise isn’t the

Right word when the supposed

Feeling is meant to be

Whole but still only got

Half of what I once was.

Events that have

Changed the interior make

Is frankly, weird.

Getting used to the

New is uncomfortable

But I guess that happens

When the old is done.

Time flies and as the

Sweat of hard work

From summer’s cloak

Left my back, I can

Feel it’s my time to

Fall again and plant the

Seeds for my growth.

Cold winds blow to

Push me forward.

Not quite freezing,

They only let me feel

What I need to

Spark the warm fire

Of my soul to keep

Moving forward.

Wood chopped to

Continue this flame

As my inner pigment

Reflects on the outside.

Darker the hue,

Brighter the blush

On my cheeks.

Breathing out the fog

That clouded my path

For future season’s greetings

As I color it

On my way.