Turbulence a resounding dissonance resonant and pounding on my heartstrings. Threatening to destroy me.

In an instance I became who I don't want to be.

I don't want anything not given to me.

I don't want to manipulate or pressure, I just want a feeling that is not there in you, and as I see this it wrecks me.

Too true this empty feeling washing over me,

The ideology of loneliness being taught to me.

And I learn.

I'll learn and I've learned before, but life keeps insisting on teaching me this lesson and not keeping score cause the game would be over if it were to be tallied.

So the pain in this absence,

This sharp dissonant punch

It awakens me.

This is my reality.

It's not without fear

Really Fear is required

To then be usurped

-A Haiku by Stori

A whole moment of pause for the question bringing cause to my heart to brake and my knees to flee. While on my face is no mistaking the cold grimace at my ennuí.

My soul is shaken and stomach weak but my head is hardened by that Luke warm stiff drink..

And I turn the key.

Resenting the plenty of time given to me.

Hating wanting anything for mine so to prove I don't need it I'll leave and I wouldn't be the least bit upset if this were to be my last..

Not an object but a concept,

Only existing because its concieved

The alternative to something

Hipocritical fundementally.

If not for our ideas of it

Nothing would never be,

Gone yet actualized so ironically.

They don't want the quiet times, those days where two lone souls could find the glow of their eyes alight and in kind when sharing a single room.

They don't want you, and they havent a clue, but you can tell. it's the soft sell of their insisting, it's a lack of interest not resisting, when it's any reason worth pursuing anything but you.

You aren't the problem, cause there isn't one. Unless you feel there is one, but no one's to blame really. Feelings are a freedom and can't be helped and either way, you don't want this in actuality, otherwise there'd be no problem for you to see.

Because they play their role you never cast and no one has to know what they tell themselves as they settle for one more empty something. Still;

Settled for is not a thing that amore ever was meant to be. so if you've fallen and been swept to bended knee for a person who you worship; and they are still standing attentively, accidentally thwarting any fleeting moments possible significance beyond the day to day monotony, then it's found the problem stirs in your accepting the things you do not want.

Be it convenience, loneliness or that part of you that doesn't want to have wasted any time,

Cut the line.

Let it go, release and be pleased at the potential for intimacy to be something you can know.

St Stu Stu shut the duck up get the fuck out scream SCREAM SCREAMMM SO LONG AS ITS OUT LOUD.

COMMUNICATION a common place when people understand each other, and where the fuck am I

I'm bothered by falling off my mental wagon.

Fuck don't let this happen again

Please don't be part of it. The thing that looks over my life as a harsh side effect of the malpractices non consensual oophorectomy.

Somewhere subtly I see the lines blurring. My brain whirring and clatter clunking along, with cease it's putting and I'm left walking like a zombie desolate and alone

For all I've lost I thought my mind would be the last

Thing I had but I see this loss is far more bad than id like to know and see what it means to

Me is I may be gone before I go.

Drug out real slow.

CC z

So my Ex got a prose page recently and decided to go on my poetry post and talk shit about made up trash to hurt me further and I believe he was trying to get a rise out of me.

He went as far as making his own page and posting a poem about me and my "abandoning"..

It can be found here:

https://www.theprose.com/Abandonedbyall

It is the only poem on the page.

Anyway rather than blast him in the comments I wrote an answer written in direct relation to his piece line by line. So here it is, this asshole poem that doesn't even rhyme.

Here it is:

Love is what you must learn.

It is not granted, or ownership, that bridge we've burned.

You presumed I needed to be taught about love,

Because you have lived longer but

You ended up trapping me

The pain I wish was physical you inflicted mentally.

And we turned so toxic

But the anger left in me smolders.

It cost me four years I'll never

Get back that whole time, You forgot,

Your other relationship you had going with

That Jerry guy who you sought

Sex from in text form I caught.

You persisted to weather me

Insistent I be forlorn.

You betrayed the nice guy face you'd Put on as your norm.

And how you belittle me with words like "little" projects,

When it was my house I was building and a real life I wanted to erect.

The way my eyes tear up and

Your truth denial.

You attacked worst when I was happy

So my mind avoids it now for survival.

It was a long run to get away, which of course you understand because you demanded it that day.

I'm still fearful and mourning,

You said you'd make me pay.

You stalked my phone number

And harassed me with calls.

You threatened my murder

And made me leave it all.

I hope one day you can look back

And know how brutal you'd been, like giving me shit for smiling at a stranger publicly

And when we got back

That is when

You told me I was acting slutty and went on and on then

I couldn't even defend

The truth that was different

Than the terror you forged

That was our relationship.

When you were so wrong

Everytime you called me a whore,

And hindsight for me stings at my core

The change in me gets noticed

But I survived and I'll do fine.

You should have heard my pleas and responded in kind

You could have calmed down and I'd have stayed

At my place

But for my sake

We can't speak at all.

I can't trust you and I got away despite losing all

Of everything, and I don't anymore feel beautiful.

You never called me dove.

You told me I wasn't good enough to waste ammo on,

You'll never learn a damn thing if that is what you call "Love".

An expanse

Of limitless substance;

less than nothing

without::dividing it,

In which Existed only

two things for Describing

The Void and Naught.

Of the two

Naught was simple,

Naught

simply was.

The Void

on the other hand

simply wasn't.

As time tells it

Naught had thought to be;

And right then

Time did begin

Naught

Went out

into infinity.

Into nothing

with no intention

but to see.

In the way It was then

The obsidian black sea

of the Void

was empty.

A deeper dark hollow

more like a vacancy

Of such a vast deficiency;

It cannot be fathomed.

Initially,

Guided by the thought to be

with that growing want

Naught sought to see

An event that sparked

Respectively

the humble start

to all reality.

The earliest early voyage.

It was a journey

that begun

before direction was ever spun.

Before borders

and boundaries were laid

No land or realm

before that day

That a full loop was walked,

that Naught had made.

The clock started and

I'llHistory states that

After

what seemed like an eternity

of directionless progression,

Naught came to complete

One full rotation;

To where

the trip had started.

.it must be noted that Some

when they repeat this tale

Reportedly called this moment

clandestine

Fate

Manifesting.

Whatever the case

It was important.

it was fortuitous

It was a fortune flowing from

the pulchritudinous well spring of happenings,

It was a miracle

Something new on the scene

that had not been real before.

At the loops threshold,

Upon existences door;

Lay something new to behold

Something Naught adored

that odd glistening something

A pure Luminescent glow.

This was to be

The first ever instance

of light!

Within light

It's discovery!

Which is why

We shed light on

The traveler Naught

Found raw intrige

at the effect he'd caused.

He was to weave

The threads of creation

left in naughts wake

ore the places

Naught traversed

Without knowing it,

Where he paced

Was the first signs of earth.

So from that beginning

Naught observed Some kind of path.

An expanse of limitless substance

less than nothing till divided at last.

In which Existed now three things for

Describing

The Void and Naught.

And the new element

Light!

Naught simply was intrigued

Naught thought to go the whole way

down the path that weaved

behind as naught had walked.

The voids expanses

clearly made clear with

this contrast

so naught brightly thought

Ill call the light "day".

And void is different now

Voids not light of day so

Naught chaged void to night.

Now we have night and day.

Naughts second rotation

Complete there was more

Still to see.

More wrought in the trail lay

At naughts feet.

This Rudementary maze of the

Paths repeat while

observing light.

The new day

Without knowing it,

And the new night.

Some kind of path

In his steps lead to

Further

Curiosity fueled experience

Trodden earth to act as the hearth

that our world is built up from.

Sparked alive life's endless play.

Naghts cyclical circling to

Follow curiositys carrot dangling

From the threads of creation

Naught Twas the opening act

and as Naught was taken aback

Ana around

From darkness form had sprang.

And ever-increasing

naughts loops looped around

Needing to see

And to this go round

Naught is why you and why we

Live life at all

Are incarnate

Why what is can be.

Naught and us,

and we

cycle together

Infinitely.

Or until the day

Naught is not naught

Should naught go to sleep.

An expanse

Of limitless substance;

less than nothing

without::dividing it,

In which Existed only

two things for Describing

The Void and Naught.

Of the two

Naught was simple,

Naught

simply was.

The Void

on the other hand

simply wasn't.

As time tells it

Naught had thought to be;

And right then

Time did begin

Naught

Went out

into infinity.

Into nothing

with no intention

but to see.

In the way It was then

The obsidian black sea

of the Void

was empty.

A deeper dark hollow

more like a vacancy

Of such a vast deficiency;

It cannot be fathomed.

Initially,

Guided by the thought to be

with that growing want

Naught sought to see

An event that sparked

Respectively

the humble start

to all reality.

The earliest early voyage.

It was a journey

that begun

before direction was ever spun.

Before borders

and boundaries were laid

No land or realm

before that day

That a full loop was walked,

that Naught had made.

The clock started and

I'llHistory states that

After

what seemed like an eternity

of directionless progression,

Naught came to complete

One full rotation;

To where

the trip had started.

.it must be noted that Some

when they repeat this tale

Reportedly called this moment

clandestine

Fate

Manifesting.

Whatever the case

It was important.

it was fortuitous

It was a fortune flowing from

the pulchritudinous well spring of happenings,

It was a miracle

Something new on the scene

that had not been real before.

At the loops threshold,

Upon existences door;

Lay something new to behold

Something Naught adored

that odd glistening something

A pure Luminescent glow.

This was to be

The first ever instance

of light!

Within light

It's discovery!

Which is why

We shed light on

The traveler Naught

Found raw intrige

at the effect he'd caused.

He was to weave

The threads of creation

left in naughts wake

ore the places

Naught traversed

Without knowing it,

Where he paced

Was the first signs of earth.

So from that beginning

Naught observed Some kind of path.

An expanse of limitless substance

less than nothing till divided at last.

In which Existed now three things for

Describing

The Void and Naught.

And the new element

Light!

Naught simply was intrigued

Naught thought to go the whole way

down the path that weaved

behind as naught had walked.

The voids expanses

clearly made clear with

this contrast

so naught brightly thought

Ill call the light "day".

And void is different now

Voids not light of day so

Naught chaged void to night.

Now we have night and day.

Naughts second rotation

Complete there was more

Still to see.

More wrought in the trail lay

At naughts feet.

This Rudementary maze of the

Paths repeat while

observing light.

The new day

Without knowing it,

And the new night.

Some kind of path

In his steps lead to

Further

Curiosity fueled experience

Trodden earth to act as the hearth

that our world is built up from.

Sparked alive life's endless play.

Naghts cyclical circling to

Follow curiositys carrot dangling

From the threads of creation

Naught Twas the opening act

and as Naught was taken aback

Ana around

From darkness form had sprang.

And ever-increasing

naughts loops looped around

Needing to see

And to this go round

Naught is why you and why we

Live life at all

Are incarnate

Why what is can be.

Naught and us,

and we

cycle together

Infinitely.

Or until the day

Naught is not naught

Should naught go to sleep.

Love is not a finite resource;

No it isn't a resource at all.

It isn't some oil for combustion,

It's not a waterfall.

Love is a feeling

A chemical released

A guttural pull that steers you;

Love is when you say your peace.

Finding it cannot be done through excavating mines.

Love is of a splendid truth that's only at the time.

Sublime when it happens.

So here do I request,

put to rest the notion that you can consume this;

Go forth with the attitude that this holy bliss is but a gift laid ore you by the angels very hands.

It's the shard of heaven that glimmers and brightens every man.

Attune to know the difference between manipulative lust.

Love is in your heart;

Love we can trust.

Everything is kind of dying.

From the initial point dividing.

Factors fracture faculties fixed,

Light expansions cyclically twist.

Earned in being,

Sparked alight,

Shooting from the darkest night,

Every expanding ebb and flow,

Down through all the rabbit holes.

Courses cursed and minds collide

Crushing indifference founding

Fundamental divides.

Spinning orb a give and take

On until volcanos wake.

Guilty masses ill at ease,

Stagnant distractions

Numbing squeeze.

Debt accrues with the loss of past

Mother natures weakened grasp

While now

Everything is kind of dying

But touched with wisdom

Dawns enlightening.

To have lived would mean

An end was plausible,

So realize it now

Life is possible.