Sam and I always talked and acted alike. So alike that people always teased us for dating our own sibling, or our twin at birth, or even our doppelganger. But it never mattered, at least to me. It wasn’t easy to always correct people around us, but, for her, I did.

One time, our anniversary was perfect. Until we came across a friend.

“Yo bro, long time no see! I see you’re now dating your own doppelganger.”

“Yeah, and she’s the most beautiful!”

Sam left me alone at the cafe with no words. Something she doesn’t normally do as we both prefer talking about how we feel. Because of this, I did the only right thing, to chase her and talk.

“Sam, what’s wrong?”

“I wanna go home, Sam.”

“But we agreed we should take today as a day-off for our anniversary, right?”

“Sounds like I’m not that seriously important for that. I'd rather relax at home, alone.”

“Of course you are. That’s why we’re here.”

“Then what was that with your ‘friend’?

“That was just a friend I made years ago. He doesn’t know us that much. I just wanted to indirectly tell him that whatever else he said, I don’t care because you’re more important.”

“"Really? Or is it that you only take us as a joke?"

“What–”

"You've always been like that, Sam. Ever since people recognized that we think and act the same, you always go along with their 'jokes'. When will you see me as another part of you other than a joke on your side?"

“It’s not like that. It’s just that we have a lot of similarities and I just never thought that you didn’t like that approach.”

"You always say that I remind you of yourself that much, do you even love me?"

“What do you mean? Of course I love-”

“You say I remind you of yourself. Do you only love me because you know you don’t love yourself enough and loving me would compensate for that or that you just like the feeling of seeing yourself happy with me so you love me to keep things like that?”

I am Sam who once had a wonderful woman by my side, Sam. I wasn’t able to utter anything back to her back then and now, she’s gone. It was years when we faced the same fate everytime we met a friend but it was just one time when everything fell apart.

The years I was with her, the things I do for us, how she likes me as a person, how we fix ourselves, it was all real. But, reality is often confusing. It could've been reality but not romantic love. It could've just been how I thought it was going. It could've been that's who I am and she played along well, or I'm not that person yet I unconsciously made a version of myself that ended up like that.

I lost Sam; but I don't know which one.

Philippines is a tropical country,

The feel of freezing to death doesn’t mean it snows.

When I was on a trip to Grandma

I couldn’t feel my fingers,

Every breeze of the wind shakes up my spine,

And every words comes out stuttered,

All because it was cold.

Freshly cooked Lugaw and beef Bulalos can’t keep me warm for long;

These jackets I have could only help the least.

Overall, it wasn’t an easy trip.

But when I got there,

“Eto na pala pinaka-hihintay kong apo!”

(“My long-awaited grandchild is finally here!”)

heck did it made me warm up from inside.