I am curious for your love.
Let’s talk about freedom, of love and people. Let’s also think about depression, sickness and ocean. Let us all for a while forget to let things distract us , like always, and decide to reminiscence the best moments of our lives. Because what I learnt from whatever life has happened to me is that most of the answers to our questions come from them. Comes from the days when the offing (the sea between the horizon and the off-shore) seemed as mysterious and comely as stars disappearing at dawn. [My reference of stars on every post of mine is because they truly do attract me]. Answers to the deepest of our desires and ephemeral dreams remain in the dungeons we built when we grew. And the reason I spoke about pausing for a moment is because you are stressing yourselves a lot.
Younger you wouldn’t have worried so much about lost love and time. You wouldn’t have sickened yourselves at the thought of what was going to come. You would have probably gazed at the birds flying high or at the curiosity of a violinist playing his instrument. Anyway, you always knew that there was a lot of thing, to learn, to gain and to grow from. There was always an ‘I can do it’ and ‘hey! That is possible’. Life teaches us, alright, but to let it take control over our only happiness has to stop. If they are right when they say we create our destiny or life is what we make it, then let us learn how to make it work. Growing up we were taught how to differentiate good from wrong and it was as easy as smiling at your reflection in the mirror.
So sit down today and think…before that smile, smile because life is indeed beautiful. Think about the time passed, about what you have done, right or wrong. Transport yourselves to that part of the galaxy when things were wonderful and understand that things can be the same even now if they could be then. Listen you, you little piece of miracle art, you are the whole of the crumbling mountain, oh yes, but you are also all of the happiness that people ever felt standing on the top of it. I might be making a mistake by measuring happiness here but the stories and smiles the mountain peak ever witnessed equals to all the happiness you deserve to be bestowed with all your life. You might be an old grandmother but you are also all of the wonderful things she experienced in life, which is immeasurable and precious. Precious, oh yes you are so precious. Maybe it is sad to think so but somewhere out there someone is waiting to name you their talisman, their Shangri-La. That is exactly how life works. And if you still don’t want to believe that then it’s okay to accept that you are your own lucky charm and that is the greatest form of independence Earth ever planned to teach. This is the freedom, love and people I wanted to talk about. Self- love is both mellifluous ( a sound that is pleasing to hear) and ineffable (too great to be expressed in words) at the same time. And maybe the freedom you experience then is what love means in the real sense and the more people are educated to recognize it, the better the world becomes. Maybe I won’t write about depression, since the world mental health week got over recently depression was obviously the talk of the town, perhaps necessarily so too but I personally feel talking more about ways to spread love, teaching people to listen to others and learn from them, hugging , giving and sharing will help in slowly, yet definitely eradicating hate. Which is what the world needs right now. It is not that the world isn't becoming better or something but we wouldn't do bad if we are supplied with a tad bit more amount of love than is already present. Do not worry for it is also to us, quite surprisingly, that the greatest amount of energy is bestowed. We are the only species that can possibly change the entire course of the planets and nature and moon simply by putting our universal energy into focus and then you tell us something isn't possible by us. Huh.
We NEED more love in this world and there is no second thoughts to it .We also can very well GIVE that very love we need. You are immense, there is absolutely nothing that you can not do. And if you find it difficult to understand how wonderfully joyful you feel while giving more than taking then try, once in your life, by giving food to a homeless street monger. You will feel the joy, more reflective than the biggest joy you ever experienced in your life.
Have a nice day. And remember, no matter what people say, you still are the most favourite child of the universe.
The beat of my heart scared the shit out of me. I knew I was going to be murdered. Why on Earth did I have to act so smart.
'Aaah! sorry, sorry!'
He held my wrist and pulled it backwards. All my collected evidences fell to the ground. It hurt so bad. I had to stop the tears flooding my eyes. I had acted brave so far, and so will I. I cant let him see my....
'Please please stop it'
' Explain!' he ordered.
I had to make up something. Quick.
'My sister is missing for the past 3 weeks. Aaaaaaah'
Clearly my story didnt work. He was way to smart.
'Do you have an explaination lady? '
I didnt have an answer. I sighed. I knew what was coming. I should have sensed it. Stalking a man with gun was no great idea. Shit.
He loaded the bullet. The triggering sound was killing me. My breathe got heavy. I had a plan. I had to do it now. Had to do it before the brain stops working.
Now! I lifted my left leg, tried hit hard his torso, I had only fraction of a second, my left hand he was still holding although he was on the floor now, clearly it had hurt him.
Be strong Riya. I pounced on him. Hit his head. Quick. The revolver. His grip was already loosened. It was not as difficult as I feared. In a second the gun was in my hands.
Be strong, I repeated. My hands were shaking. This was the first time. I heaved. I bent low to recollect the files he threw.
'Get UP!' I told the rascal. He had no option. He was hurt. The gun was in my hands. He knew his plan was foiled. The police station was nearby. It was a three minutes walk. The files were in my hands . I was safe.
'COME' I screamed.
Perhaps, I can call the police here. Or should I walk him there. I have to be carefull.
His face showed fear. He was caught. I didn't want to turn behind. What if he was acting.
'Riya, get back. We will handle him from here'
Around five to six police men circled him and one held his hands.
I was still scared to lower the gun. The senior constable watched him get into the police van, then turned towards me,
'Thank you Riya, it was very clever of you to inform us in the morning. We have checked his information. He is a professional hacker. He had plans to hack our foreign policy record. You will be needed. Thank you'
She smiled. It was all worth it. She wanted rest. Tomorrow was her police qualification test. Maybe the senior constable sees her there and qualifies her quick.
She handed over the files and walked back.
She had stories to tell.
He was sitting in his rocking chair when his two little prankster nephews came running towards him. He smiled at them, a smile that barely concealed its agony. He had promised her, his first wife, that not even a turn of tide could make him reveal the burden he carried in his chest. But today, disappearing to the realm of his imagination had make him think twice about the promise that had its purpose years back. It wasn't easy, oh yes it bloody wasn't but he had to. He had to keep the promise.
This happened 8 years back. Susan had warned him, he remembered. She had tried all she could. But he was under nicotine. And who bloody understands anything then, he assured himself. She had even warned him that she would leave HIS house. Oh how could she say that, he loved her. He loved her so bad. NO, she had answered, NO YOU DON'T LOVE ME, YOU WOULD NEVER DO THIS IF YOU EVER LOVED ANYONE. It all made sense to him now. If he had actually loved a woman he wouldn't have thought about harming any other woman. But that woman was different.Her husband bloody didn't trade me nicotine anymore. I promised him i would pay him soon, he could have said 'okay i will give you one more week's time' Yes one more week was all he wanted. But NO the drug trader did not say that. Aha but foolish drug trader loved his wife very dearly. Yes yes just like i love mine. But i didn't say NO to someone who wanted nicotine, so nothing can happen to my wife. He had thought.
Nothing should have happened!!! he cried with his hands supporting his forehead.
By now his present family was almost accustomed to this scene. His mother, still worried about how the rehab couldn't actually help him out of his misery had gone to the nearby psychiatrist to discuss the issue. But it seriously wasn't necessary. He would be gone by the time she returned. He was sure his boys would have by now run inside the house. They loved their uncle, just like their uncle loved Susan but they were scared whenever their uncle cried. It scared them .
8 years back , he had caused a rout. No he didnt. He knew he didn't .It was the bloody nicotine. Susan knew it too. That's why she always told him to stop it. But blimey! how can you tell me to stop it? Have you lost your mind?
Susan was right. She was always right. How he wished he had listened to her . The chaos he had caused had brought him sins. That night, because of him died three beautiful souls. NO I WOULD NEVER KILL SUSAN he cried. But why had she come in between! She should have stayed where i locked her up. In OUR house. He explained when the police came.
The police should have killed me then and there. Why had they sent me to a rehab first. It would have hurt me less when i was under drugs. Why had they sent me to a special rehab, where i could speak to no one. With so many people to take care of me, people who didn't even stop following me when i went to pee . Maybe Susan didn't forgive me afterall.
She had promised him not to tell anyone. She only knew very well how much more it tore when you wear dying from the inside. Yes, again Susan was right. Like she always was. He deserved this fate. His hands again supported his head. He cried again.
He heard the jeep and footsteps hence. He wiped his tears. He was ready. His mother hadn't returned. His sister didn't cry. But his nephews, oh they kissed him. He smiled at them, this time a genuine happy smile. He knew what he did was always wrong. He had to go join his wife , to ask her forgiveness. Oh, she had to forgive him. He thought.
Dream. A part in us that makes imagination seem our innate ability. A part that has always driven the mankind confused. The only reality that human brain still registers as an unfathomable virtuality.
One day you are at the bay, building sand castle with your kids and the second day, someone is trying to kill you. Living admist the different scenarios of our cranial sphere slowly teaches us the miracles of life.
But that is not all. It is a wonder how these few seconds of unplanned imaginations leave an impact that ironically plans our entire day. Making us ponder over it, sometimes for hours, days and months. It is like taking a dip in an ocean that suddenly seems not to be built by us. A dip that sometimes drowns us and sometimes nourishes our soul. Like watching a movie being filmed.
At some nights they become a nightmare, nightmares that burden your chest and make you cry. Other nights they make you blush in a way your day self wouldn't have witnessed.
A beautiful way our soul uses to communicate with us and tell us its stories.
Such is the story my dear friend. The tale of a storyteller we find difficult to write. But you can smile, for every night I will tell you a story that is no less than a dream.
she was like a crumbled piece of paper,
thrown into the realm of darkness
with no hopes of living and no desire of existing
until one day, she learned the manifestation miracles.
the stars and the constellations were with her this time,
for when her soul was on fire everything was forbid
forbid from going the wrong side
and just like that she waited for the magic to happen.
day and night, oh yeah
day and night she strived hard and harder
coz someone wise has said,
'he who strives, conquers the universe'
this time it wasn't just the universe,
it was the universes and their masters
for she was nothing but a plain brush
that couldn't survive without the canvas.
thus with her beloved universe she set
set ready to manifest,
manifest a whole lot of miracles
for turning dreams into reality was her enigma, an enigma so rare.