I came to this planet and was held captive in a society whose carnality and material ambitions became The American Dream. Leading the way and turning the world into a toxic wasteland were the successful and supposedly well-adjusted people. All crazy people. I was rasied by people who spoke slave languages that had devolved most human potential down into two types of people: The haves and have nots.

Where surplus populations litter the outskirts of suburban communities. Feeding off trash and begging for spare change.

I was not about to grow up faithfully following orders designed to induce this Stockholm syndrome. Nope, I think the key to success in life is dying in peace.

I knew all along that the shadows I cast in life are a place to hide and amass the secret wealth... A wealth of stories. Some already written. But even better ones to tell once I'm no longer a hostage here hiding in my human skin.

I had faith once, when I was young. I had faith that maybe tomorrow you’d be nice to me. I had faith that everything you said was wrong. I had faith that one day you’d see how much I actually care. I had faith; in all the wrong things. Just like you showed me.

I had faith that the world was fair. I had faith that good people care. I had faith in mankind because mankind was bigger than me.

I had faith when I was a kid and you isolated me for 101 days in solitary confinement that there was something better than that. And when you let me free you showed me how wrong I was. I had faith the world was fair and good people amount to something.

All these things. All this faith. It all amounts to nothing. Because expectations are resentments in disguise.

You’d think I’ve lost faith by now. But you’d be wrong. I still have faith in the overall impenetrating equality of life. In that all is well and good in the big picture.

Wednesday, April 24, 2019

1:16 PM

As I cough up blackened mucocele

It reminds me...

That during seemingly peaceful times

Desperate measures are applied

To keep the cries of the worlds people muffled

Their pain and suffering is hidden or desquised

To keep the prying eyes and minds of the dull and sated masses subdued

We are all

Each and everyone of Us

Spellbound under false pretenses

So that the reality of the Human condition isn't so blatantly obvious until observed on an individual basis

On purpose

And because it's brutally effective, painful and gets lonely

It's rare to find people willing to go that way

Otherwise

We'd have all noticed our sky is falling much faster than it may appear

While the Military Industrial Complex Explain away a modus operandi

Of kill, rebuild, repeat

Calling some kind of crisis intervention

desquised humane charity while the ovens preheat guarantees the maximum body count

Herded sheeple provide easy targets for the neuclear war mongers...

Unless we call them out by naming them in public

Those who's hands puppet these misanthropic strings

Put them on the bottom of the social rung

Climb on top of them

Raid and capture all they've hoarded

JUST LOOK

Dedicated to Anthony Andrea

It all makes to much sense

That's why it's senseless

Repent

Do your penance

And be human again

Love the ones who see the real you

And feel good about that

And you should thank them

With acts of kindness

Humbled by their transparency

In conspiracy with what they say is real

It doesn't matter how you feel

Or what you think

Because none of us know how to think

And our creative mind is in atrophy

That's why the life that lives

In the blind darkness

Hurts so real

The first few times everything went quite on me

It was sheer sensory overload

To prepare me to handle the encroaching life of lies, false hope's and broken dreams

I was broken down early on and when the world rattled to loud my ears would ring

As the screams and scenes of horror built up around me

It would all go quiet

So I could think

And think I did

About the nature of existence and how humans seemed hardwired to evolve out of contradictions

Who's looking at who?

I wonder, as we stand there and maddog each other

Everyone always talks about the importance of having nice things

Working diligently will ensure a successful position as a member of society

So they say

Sprinkle that attitude with faith to hide the taste of subservience and you're living the American scheme

But here I am, and I can't figure which one of us real

Is there even any difference between the two of us?

The more I think about it the less I care cause it all feels the same

My reflection is of more concern to me than the reality of belonging to a colony of humans all vying to be the first one to do the same shit as someone else

My first thought is, "I wonder how much money this place and the insurance companies have made off of me over the years?"

"Good question, probably alot!."

"Shit, I said that outloud..."

"No, I think you said that on purpose."

"And you, you fucking genius you. Already got me all figured out!"

At this point in time the atmosphere inside the doctors office was thick and palpable. An a social storm had settled in on us both. Leaving non otherwise specified drippings to soak into the floor.

"I am an enigma, doc. If you read deep enough into those files of mine you'll figure that out pretty quick. See, what's going on with kids like me is that you cannot beat the imagination out of us."

"You cannot lock us in dark cages either. Not long enough to take away the light in our minds, because we take it with us when we die."

"Nope, children like me were born without a home and on the wrong planet. And that's why you'll smile now, say something typical and I'll go about my day."

Life defying

Death denying

Unseen, practicing witchcraft in the dark

All alone

Out in the sticks