If I were to describe our love story and time shared, I would say it was like Friday. It was fun, exciting, passionate, and extremely full of emotions. One day we are on cloud nine, and some days we are fighting like animals. Being with you was intoxicating. Your presence was so hard to let go of, invigorating that I craved it when we were apart. You were someone I always looked forward to spending my time with. You were my safe space. We had fun, we had our silent and comfortable days while lying down in bed, and we had our misunderstandings that tested the limits of our emotional and mental capacity. But just like any Friday, when you’re enjoying life, getting drunk, dancing to the beat, laughing out loud without a care, a day full of exhilarating moments has come to an end. And when it did, it hurt. It hurt like hell knowing those crazy Fridays would never happen again. Our adventure has ended, and just like having withdrawals, it made me go wild, crying, gasping for air, and battling emotions I don’t want to feel. But I know, deep within, letting go of you would lead me to better days. I know our end would create a hole inside me while slowly building me up again. You are the kind of love I will always long for, crave, remember, and cherish. You are my Friday, my bliss, my adventure. It is tragic that our time has ceased when I thought our time would be never-ending. But I hope we both have better days. I hope you and I get to meet our Sunday love. The kind of love giving us warmth, stability, comfort, and safety.
Why do humans run? Not just running in a physical manner but running in a sense that we are always in a hurry, running out of something, or running away from something. Has it always been our nature to run? Is it wired in our DNA to run for survival or because it’s one of the easiest ways out.
I for one have been running. As a child, I only envisioned running as a physical activity. Running until my legs are too tired. Running and feeling the cool breeze touch my skin. As an adult I realized that running is more than what it literally means. Running has become my way of shutting the world out. It became my coping mechanism, my way out of uncomfortable situations, it has given me a slight peace of mind in this chaotic world. I run from my problems, from people I careless about, from almost anything that threatens me emotionally or physically. I run as far away as I could until I can find another safe haven. A place or time where I can pretend as if all is well and fine. I try to create this serene atmosphere where I can be someone new and forget what I have left behind. This new me I have created or at least try to be is someone I want to hold on to no matter how pretentious she might be. This persona offers deceitful satisfaction just like ecstasy.
But what no one told me about the truth in running is that it’s running in circles with no place to be. It’s constantly being haunted by things that scare me leaving myself crying ever so desperately. I wish I realized sooner the solution to my misery. I’ll only be at peace when I stop running instantly.
What we are meant to be
I was broken and so was he. We tried to mend each other but it was not meant to be. Instead we played with our feelings thinking nothing can hurt me. Time passed and feelings grow. But none of us wanted it to show. So we continued the game and there is no one to blame. We risked the future of us coming to be for a future both of us can see. We parted ways and forgot our yesterdays. I was broken and so was he. We remained broken because that is what we are meant to be.
I don’t know when you’ll see this, I doubt you ever will.
But there is something I want to say deep from within.
You’re still the one I love and I know it’s a sin.
I remember you in everything and it makes me stand still.
I know someday you will be back.
And I honestly don’t know if I can take the heart attack.
But I only wish one thing and I want it to come true.
If that day comes, I hope I’m over you.