different
open your eyes
close them; pray
feel your age
make the bed
feed the dogs
pick up yesterday
wash your hair
fight sorrow
open the closet and dresser drawers
think about cutting your hair
start all the machines you will empty later
fight the fear
make the coffee
walk your mind through everything since opening your eyes
try and not stroll back through the mud of it all
manufacture pleasantness
smile
exhaust yourself holding up that fourth wall
earn your part in funding whatever new war of one people and gains of another
hit a stride just in time for your attention to be broken
fill your tank up with 3 hours work
drive that 20 minutes of soul separation … and breath
make the coffee
fight the self talk
empty the machines
feed the dogs
open and close the closet and dresser drawers
force yourself to sweat and hurt and drive your mind into soul separation
try and remember all the sentences and thoughts you will forget later
wash your hair
make the messes you’ll clean in the morning
write away the sorrow and the pain and the mania
feel your age
crawl in the bed
close your eyes
pray that if tomorrow is not better, it is at least different
they dance
1’s and 0’s and wifi whirled - carrying letters and grammar and such
with words and sentences- curiosities, lonely hearts, racing minds…
and in remembered familiarity of human contact, they danced
reading turned to talking turned to backlit liquid crystal displayed smiles
and laughter… and tears … and beautifully awkward commonality …
and as afternoon sun set into evening, in a bit of shock, they danced
still mirages to one another - still just seeking feeling something outside…
outside of sad, of grief, of inside-out, of life, of anger that made no sense…
outside of darkness in new thread of light, with the idea of life existing outside- they danced
in friendship and strange ethereal stands of what if and maybe…
…of absolute absence of fear
the sky opened up and the road brought to them -
music, warmth, soul ties, familiarity of the most absurdly necessary —
and in immediate promise and covenant they did dance
worlds unfolded, reorganized, and crumbled into new piles
a process of continued rebuilding in perpetuity of love, under God;
where once walls blocked out everything…
in everything… they danced
For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn,
but that the world might be saved through Him
and under the God who so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son,
that whosoever believeth in Him shall be saved- they were -
so that he and she became they in a cord of three, they did dance
the seasons of the world went on, drawn outside the lines
seeds of healing, scars uncovered and loved, 108 epochs explored
in tears, laughter, humility, and in Christ, they danced
near a full trip around the stars, all the terrible fears and mishaps arise like the sun-
and the previous everyday struggles stay aflame all around as the moon
yet under the stars of hope, courage, a second chance…
in the storms raging and breeze cooling, they dance
tacky
black and white landscape photos
sipping coffee too loud
branding; paying top dollar to have a stranger's name on everything you own
band t-shirts as fashion
"i love that for you"
chasing trends
posting ai writing
lamentation of lack of freedom in America
snideness, racism, low brow humor, and designer thermoses
rude comments on people's natural appearances
"i love you to the moon and back"
sticky
cheap
intrusive to the brain and devoid of real
clicking nails on everything
bleached hair
not tipping
"i feel like we have known one another forever"
2017
rage bait
use of cursing as handlebars
hotmail
little plastic bands tightly on the neck
ignorance
forcing campy into tacky
my personality
clover
weeds pulled and the dirt fed
i let the clover grow
and the vine it crushes the overlap
where the brush meets things man-made
the end of the green meets the beginning of blue
or brown
or dark of night
so, i let the clover grow
i let the clover grow, and the field does not suffer for it
the grass does not pay a price
and the sun shines down with plenty --
where i let the clover grow
@r2
musk of life
the winding spiral of nicotine tasted remarkable
until the next morning when i swore it off forever
the smell of beer on his lips was intoxicating
though i have never really enjoyed any strong drink
the warmth of the burn felt like all time was standing still
only hours later i would hate the textiles it touched for their coldness
i swam in ponds of water so soft and fertile i felt refreshed by them
only later to not be able to scrub hard enough to remove it from my skin
i loved
and yet i hate that i did
in my youth i preferred walking the dirt roads barefoot
i would break up with this desire the second i slipped into new socks
the relationship continues this way
never a child
forever childlike
i spin in circles of cruel and etherial unsustainable joy
a power source with no energy
i drink from the stone cup of my fathers
honey, that drinks like silk, and poisons me
deep breaths find me in all emotional voids and fill me
and also at summits of the best moments in life- to remind me
i am
and nothing is more powerful than turbulent contradictions
grounded to contrition
anchored in blood
drowning in air when water sets me free
i will die
for
i am
at any opportunity
R1.9-15
the first death
when kindness dies- it is never sudden
it may feel like it
when you realize it is absent in a way where you are startled when it comes around
saying goodbye to the dog you've shared your life with for a quarter of your own
that lonely is missing the kindness true agape love brings
kindness dies slowly a bit at a time
as your phone rings less
the mail stops coming
when your children out grow you
each funeral a specific warmth leaves you
and as time goes on the distance between goodbye and cold nostalgia rips apart
youth divides and goes on in a different universe
new experiences become less interesting
with each decade you will lose something about yourself that you once cherished
you will not know it is gone, until it is
the things you saved along the way- those thing that reminded you of kindnesses
go into storage to be someone else's keepsake or trash
if you throw yourself into work, when you slow down
and you will have to
the anxiety of 'still' will become painful
if you throw yourself into religion you'll rebuke fake and false so often you stop interacting
knowing the difference between kind and friendly will separate you
if you bow before God
when kindness dies
you will exist in contrition, and a joy literally based in the promises of death
if you struggle to make your dreams come true
rather than live and be happy along the way
your bitterness in failure will haunt you and you will become somehow feral
escaping domestication is only for youth and should have a time limit
but so long as there is kindness you will push back your time limits and deadlines
and in those cases it catches up to you and kills you faster from within
you will attempt to offer kindness or make it
but the world changes and redefines emotion so often it will be futile
your plans will die
someone will do your life goals better than you
if you are lucky- you will remain void of depression in trade for hope
but if the kindness in your life dies off
hope starves
bitterness gets some people by- but in the times they are without distraction from self
they are the most miserable liars on earth
unable to even recognize kindness
and that is the first death
to survive it
plant seeds, make something better, do- give
even if you have to watch them from afar
or know you have provided an opportunity for something you loved to be rich in kindness
impoverish yourself of anything that could be something somewhere else
when kindness dies out, accept it for sanity
and in an effort to be kind
lie behind smiles
smile around lies
and encourage opportunities
even when you don't care for them not to be your own
.done.
every project in my house i finish
every room that comes out perfect
every detail big as the roof, small as the perfect night light
every check on the list
one step closer to done.
every morning i wake early
every letter of the book i digest
every chain reference reaching into my own life
every check on the list
one step closer to done.
every day i get through it
every moment i keep myself in
every opportunity i give to others from my own
every check on the list
one step closer to done.
every kindness i offer
every love i freely give
every time i step away from myself
every check on the list
one step closer to done.