Sorry to all my followers

I know it has been a while

Possibly eight months

I’ve been in a place

Where all the adults go

I believe it’s called growing up

I’m back now

Ive matured

Discovered how much life really sucks

But life is life

And luck is luck.

Whose in control of my life?

It damn sure isn't me-

That I know for a fact by the way people look at me-

They say things happen in your life for a reason why not own it?

You can't own a life that was never yours in the first place-

I'm sorry if I sound a little ungrateful-

Sometimes it's just hard to remain thankful-

Whose in control of my life?

Man what a wonderful question!

Well if you find them let them know I have a few suggestions-

At this point I'm just a pinball-

Bouncing in all kinds of directions-

Never knowing what I'm going to be running into next-

Whose in control of my life?

Suddenly I wish it was me-

But maybe if it was it just might be the same-

Or I'd be in a ditch somewhere with a needle in my arm and a changed name.

"Life is what you make it"-

But how can you get the chance to make it when there is a chain binding your hands?-

Life is what you make it-

But I swear nobody understands-

I've never touched freedom or felt relief with my bare hands-

I'm like the monkey in the cage who actually understands-

Staring out the window everyday wishing to be free and live the life that was meant for me-

Life can't be what you make it if you can't make it at all-

Whom ever told me that you're dead fucking wrong-

Life makes you-

So it's the other way around-

Because I'm sure if we made it we wouldn't need to write to make a sound.

Once upon a field of snow-

The one nobody dared to go-

I lost myself in the dream-

I believed the snow was just for me-

For I wasn't scared of that field-

Until the day I began to realize what there was to fear-

As the snow began to touch my soul-

My heart began to freeze-

Once upon a field of snow-

Beware of what lies in between.

We're all caught in their strings-

For they are the true puppeteers-

Our smiles are painted on-

Shining bright in the stage lights glare-

Our actions aren't all our own-

As we dance like monkeys in a cage-

We lose ourselves with every premier night-

But we might as well give up the fight-

Our freedom is all tangled up within our strings-

The curtain hides the unseen-

Who are we?-

Are we the actors or the actresses of the in between?-

The screen and stage hide the master-

Our should we call them the monsters of society in disguise.

Once upon a time.....

In the land of the forgotten-

Where no one remembers your name-

Where everything you do always matters-

But no one can remember your name-

Once upon a time....

In that sad little land a name was suddenly whispered-

Everyone repeated and said it all wrong-

Until the name was deformed and disfigured-

Once upon a time....

That name was so beautiful-

Now it's like all the rest-

Forgotten and never remembered-

For saying it was the true test.

What If the door never locked?-

Or the windows never closed?-

Would we try and break free?-

Or would we be so content and comfortable with our prison that it becomes home?-

Are we even really free?-

Yes the doors aren't locked and the windows are open, but once we walk away from our cage what's to say our minds and memories are ever free?-

To be locked in could be of the mind as well as of the body-

We are taught to use our minds but no one teaches us what to do when our minds use us-

We become slaves to our feelings and thoughts that even the medication they shove down our throats can't free us-

We are to be dissected and picked at that all we have left to rely on IS is our mind-

We may believe the doors are unlocked and the windows are open but we are to forever be LOCKED IN.

Oh sickness, oh sickness-

Why do I try-

When I already know you won't ever die-

I feel you under my skin-

In my veins-

Creeping out of my pores-

I'm tired of you-

Or maybe I'm tired because of you-

Either way I wish you would go-

But sadly as clear as day you've made me your home-

Oh sickness, oh sickness-

Why do we play these games-

Even with you gone I will never be the same-

You'd just come back and bring me more pain-

Everything I taste is like sharp metal and blood-

You've even killed my tastebuds not just my mind and lungs-

This has gone too far my old friend-

My life is slowly wasting-

Oh sickness, oh sickness-

How long will I be catering you this time-

Feeding myself to you-

Killing pieces of me more and more every time-

They say medicine will work-

But not all the time-

So I'm stuck with you this time again-

Oh sickness, oh sickness-

Will the torture ever end-

They say to stay positive and you will win-

But I was never a positive person to begin-

Oh sickness, oh sickness-

It's like you're my very best friend-

You're always there-

And you know all my secrets-

You know how much I hate the medicine-

How stupid I think some of the doctors are-

How much I love the rain and wind-

But I'll keep fighting you-

Maybe one day I'll actually win-

Oh sickness, oh sickness-

Here we go again.

The drifter out at sea following the waves but never reaching land-

Is he really a drifter if he finds a home in his head?

This drifter is a man bound by self-

Locked away in a oblivious kind of hell-

He thinks he is free living in his make believe world-

But he is just a fly caught in the spiders web-

Permanently damaged by the one he can't help but love-

His thoughts and emotions are killing him eating slowly at his burning lungs-

He goes through life-

A mindless soul lost to woe-

Until he closes his eyes-

There he lies but a drifter-

Following the waves but never finding home.

I feel like falling sometimes-

But I am just top heavy-

My mind seems so swollen and bulging I can barely walk on my own two legs-

I feel like falling sometimes-

Whether from a cliff or a dream-

But I'm just top heavy-

Sometimes my imagination catches up with me-

I feel like falling sometimes-

I close my eyes and breathe-

But I'm just top heavy-

With a brain bigger than my body-

I feel like falling sometimes-

But I never quite make it-

For when you're top heavy what's ever in your mind can never take it-

That tumble-

That fall-

That leap of faith-

What ever it is-

My top heavy brain can't take being asleep.