We are not houses,

or cemeteries,

or even a safe space

to lick open wounds.

We are not here to

rehabilitate broken

souls or bury their

unclaimed baggage

within our bones.

We are women with

blood that runs black,

disguised behind

petals and eyelashes

that resemble a

butterfly’s wings.

We are the women that

find themselves shackled

to sad lovers that desire

a home within us,

but haven’t an idea

what “home” even is.

We were not meant

for the pedestals or

carpets of men,

or hiding behind

curls and naïveté.

We emerged from fire

to be carried to the sea,

baptized within the

love affair between

sky and water.

We are women, healers

and guides, that carry

the light and love of the

universe instilled in

our watery cores.

We are also destruction,

hurricanes with bright

red lips and tornadoes

of oppression and fury.

Our patience and

compassion has been

misunderstood for centuries,

and we are the women

that are changing that.

We are not houses,

or cemeteries,

and anything

abandoned

here will go up

in flames with

the bridges that

we burn along

the way.

I will reach deep,

A depth I’ve never known,

Recover every broken piece,

Every shard, every sliver,

Of who I was before,

And fill every single

fracture,

All of the s p a c e s

In between,

With pure gold

Until I am more

Beautiful,

And stronger,

Than before.

That is how

I will rise again.

It was eight years ago on this day that my father took his life.

He said, “what’s the point of living if you’re just gonna die?”

His advice was cruel, but his words were soft and they made perfect sense.

Still I wander these streets and haven’t found the truth yet.

I said, “You’ve spent years staring at a mountain of gold through this broken window,

And your imprisonment isn’t anybody’s fault but your own.”

Carry me with you

wherever you go.

Dangle me from

your fingertips.

I went around the

world and back,

along the lines

around your lips.

Fire, that fire in your eyes,

The flames that flickered and

ruined all of our lives.

And I was water, water through

your hands.

Just pin me up there with the stars, maybe then I can stand alone.

His stories spilled with the whiskey straight from his golden cup,

“I’m here now and I’m still alive and I’m not giving up.”

The strings kept my eyes closed were the strings around your waist,

I could’ve lived for days and days in the hollows of your face.

Gravity will never be enough, and heaven is too far gone.

This town was never big enough, so we punish it with our songs.

So we punish him without songs.

Fire, it was the fire in your eyes,

The flames that flickered and

ruined all of our lives.

And I was water, water through your hands.

Just pin me up there with the stars, maybe then I can stand alone.

Carry me with you wherever you go.

Dangle me from your fingertips.

I went around the world and back,

along the lines around your lips.

I grow with the seasons,

So as the seasons change,

I ebb and flow

And become

Closer to myself,

So as the seasons change,

I transform

From moon to sun

When night falls,

And I’m left with

My own shadow

We hold each other,

And look toward

The light of tomorrow

It is there,

“There” is where

I will find relief.

I’m almost there,

And “there” is where

I will find my peace.

I flow with the tides,

So as the tide goes out,

I am naked and raw,

And become

Closer to myself,

So as the tide comes in,

I am filled

With grace and love.

When night falls,

And I’m left with

My own shadow,

We hold each other,

And look toward

The light of tomorrow.

It is there.

“There” is where

I will find relief.

I’m almost there.

“There” is where

I will find my peace.

Of the Earth,

These bones are

My only home.

Of the Sea,

I know I am

never alone.

Of Fire,

I will carry on

through love

and strife.

Of the Air,

I surrender

And take flight.

It is there...

“There” is where

I will find relief.

I’m almost there...

“There” is where

I will find my peace.

Rebirth is painful.

Trust me, I know.

It feels like you’ve been

pulled from the inside out,

and everything that you’ve

ever kept neatly tucked away

is suddenly exposed,

raw and tender

in the sunlight.

Unfortunately,

rebirth is necessary.

Those vulnerabilities will

never have the chance

to become strengths if

they’re left to fester

under the skin,

and you will never

experience growth

if you remain in

an emotional and

mental straightjacket.

Open every wound

and let the light pour in.

Kiss your scars with

rose petals and remind

yourself that you

are only human,

and suffering is not

the destination,

but simply the journey.

How can you be haunted

so deeply by one person that your bones feel bruised with their memory?

How can you spend

nearly a decade trying to forget

how they taste

how they feel

how they sound

how they laugh

and still find yourself

up to your throat in desire?

How can forgiveness and

forgetfulness toe the same line

and leave you wondering if

you’ve actually forgiven

them at all?

How can their words

still walk up your skin

like fingers, leaving

stardust in their wake?

How can you ever expect

to move on

let go

forget

exorcise

terminate

repair

your soul?

How.

How.

How?

It keeps me going,

knowing that at any point in time,

I could show up in your life again,

and you’d have me.

I know you would.

Even though I left,

even though everything has gone

to fucking hell,

you would have me again.

I know not a day has passed

that you haven’t thought about me.

I know that you see the color of my eyes when you look at the sky.

I know that a sadness as deep as the ocean has taken my place inside of you.

And I know that if I were to return,

you would no longer walk the

murky depths of the sea.

You would taste sunshine,

just as I would taste the ocean on your skin.

Skilled with your deck of cards

Whisper to me my future

Behind violet curtains and

Wisps of pale ghosts as I

Kneel before you, perform

My nightly ritual with holy

Water on my fingertips and

Sage burning black

Skilled with your promises of

Bright shiny things and a future

I can't run from, praying I will

Never discover what a fucking

Thunderstorm I am and guard

Every choice I make to insure that

I don't become something

You wouldn't want

Skilled with the glowing coals

From the last heartbreak I survived,

I have been stoking the fire for longer

Than you could fathom, my love, and

I am looking for any reason to

Ignite myself into flames

Skilled with this quiet determination

And silent rebellion, I can only smell

The enemy and, like my ancestors,

The only urge that I have is to

Extinguish it.

Skilled am I,

Skilled are you;

How lovely that

The devil appears in twos.

He'll know exactly what to say by the shades of your makeup and the abandoned look in your eyes, and he'll say it to get something, anything

from you.

You'll be nothing but an undone puzzle and a challenge that he has convinced himself is too great to not

attempt to achieve, while he deciphers every pattern, every smile so that he can declare himself the winner.

It's these men you need to be careful of, watch closely and understand what they are really seeing when they look at you. These men taste like lust and smell of their most recent lover, and they're still hungry.

He will convince you of all the right things - how you're never far from his thoughts, how he misses you when you're not there, how he's falling for you. Deep in your gut, you know...

You know that it's all bullshit, but you think maybe there is a chance that he is unlike the rest of them and the things he says are genuine, but he only wants to stake his claim on anything that he believes should belong to him.

These men don't want you, they want what you have to offer them. They want possession of you without the burden of attachments and emotions. They call you "baby" and kiss you in closets and then go home to their wives to ignore them.

He will tell you that he is love-stricken, that you can't leave him because it's just too deep, and I hope to fucking hell that you hear the emptiness in his voice when he says it, as if he's rehearsed it a hundred times.

Conquer that feeling of guilt and banish any intimidation that you feel in the presence of these men, because darling, you owe them not a damn thing. You owe it to yourself to believe in your own worth above the value that those empty men will assign to you.

You are a diamond that has yet to be mined. You are a raging fire.

Do not extinguish yourself for someone else's satisfaction.

But my love, you are the first

and last thought of every day.

You are the sunshine glittering

on my walls and within my soul.

The wind sways with you, as you

are all things - you are it.

You are the blank spaces in my life

and suddenly, I know what color

I want to shade them in with.

You are every muse, every dream,

every luxury that I have ever been

afforded.

I feel you in all that I do - behind

my eyelids, behind my thoughts,

behind the sweat that covers my

palms - you are it.

I am done for.

You are it.