A Farewell Letter to Someone who Became Something More than a Someone
I never allowed myself to shed tears over you. Not once. I never once allowed myself to grieve over everything that went down. It's been 26 days. I am not drowning in grief, however, I am thankful for the journey we had. Through the good and bad, I still had fun with you. The only words I wish I could say to you are, “I hope you had fun spending your time talking to me too."
Thank you for being in my life. While the wound may hurt, I already believe that I'll be fine; without you.
Together We were Unhappy
Two different individual.
Too different individual.
Together, the two of us were too different to be more than just ‘individual’ to each other.
Too much time I spent alone in my room, getting all lovesick all over my bed.
Too much time we wasted on this weird journey together.
Two different stories, only one known ending.
Was it even about us being too different? Or is it how I am too much for you to handle?
Was it ever about us being just two individuals who were more than individuals but less than friends? Or is it how we both played the nonchalant game?
I don’t think it was about any of these weird rhetorical questions. There’s only one fact the two of us both know, a fact that is too true; together we were unhappy. Unhappily together as two.
If two people cant stay away from each other, maybe they aren’t suppose to stay away.
In a way, this might my string of hope I’m clenching onto. This string of “We keep seeing each other, everyday, what if we aren’t suppose to be away from each other” Entangled my brain, trapping it in the memories of you; you who refuses to stay in my memories as you showed up today and ruined things. I want to desperately put you in the You pass on by me like I didn’t spill my guts to you. I pass on by you like I didn’t waste 6 months on you. We just pass each other by. Except, I don’t want to pass on by you as if we were only strangers because I know sure as hell, we were more than that; and yet I know sure as hell we were less than friends. I just you want you to stay in my memories. I don’t want you to show up in my life because you ruined things. You’ll be put into the past, but until the day comes where you graduate (2025) please stay away from me. Please.
You knew I liked Taylor Swift. Because you were a football fan, I'm sure you already knew who Travis Kelsie is. 2/11/24 was the day of the Super Bowl. I'm sitting here, pondering which team younwere rooting for; of course, I was rooting fornrje Chiefs. It's these silly thoughts that keep me up. It's these silly thoughts that keep reminding it's over. It's been over for almost a half month. You knew I liked Taylor Swift. Because you were a football fan, I wish I could brag it into your face about the Chiefs winning; if you were rooting for the 49ers. 2/11/24 is the day I wanted to talk to you most; a part of me still misses you.
You were a big football fan. A nerd even. Despite our chapter ending, I'm still writing more pages; I don't know why. We were more than strangers, but we were less than friends; and still I could go about your birthday, favorite color, your achievements, how ambitious you are, and I could on about how I could never be your type. I don't have any beautiful words to adorn this ugly story.
I No Longer Go to Dennys
I can see it so clearly, the late night into October. We had just both met or started talking, my curiosity hungered for more information about you. When the topic of "Favorite restaurant you ate at for your sport?" came home, we both had the same answer; Dennys. As you bewitched me with your convincing lies, I feigned ignorance because acknowledging how we were doomed from start was worse than anything in the world. The walls feel stained with the memories of our first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, ectcera time eating together. The time we spent ordering together, laughing together, and me---loving you all amounted to you leaving me when the number of the year change. That's why I no longer go to Dennys because your ghost is there sitting at the same table we ate at, waving at me. I no longer go to Dennys as I see you there with another. I no longer go to Dennys for I know while I had all my firsts with you, you had already had your firsts with another. I guess, this this why I longer go to Dennys.
Did you look for me in the crowds of people? Has my absence bother you in the slightly? Why did you leave? And so many more questions play inside my head, yet I know it is better I am left with no answer; as these are the unanswered questions you've left me with as a final gift.