I am so tired now

I’ve been nothing but a fool

Cause my whole damn life

I’ve lived out of tune

You see the thing about a mask

Is it hides your true colors

And once you get used to it

It is impossible to take off

And then you’ll realize

You’ll be awakened inside

That you’ve been running around in circles

And you’re nothing but a lie

That’s why I’m so tired now

I’ve been nothing but a fool

I want some soul searching

That is, if I still have my soul

But I’m desperate now

I want to burn this mask

To find a life anew

To live with no filters & blues

I want to swim far away

To search for the real me

I want to feel the word ‘Happiness’

I want to fish for some “Dreams”

I know in your eyes

I’ll be nothing but a fool

A disappointment in your lives

Another broken old tool

But if the happiness that I’ll find

Is what you call a card of the fool

Then I’ll be happier to take that risk

And be what you call a ‘fool’

A disappointment it might be

But at least I’m a happy fool…

Another day passes

And I’m left here dreaming

Another day passes

As I’m stuck here wandering

I wish I was happy

I wish that I could sleep

I wish that these days would pass by with ease

During my childhood I use to dream

A stage filled with people

A guitar on my sling

With a delightful face

I start to sing

All the songs I’ve wrote

Every pain in every tone

I was a clueless child

But now I have grown

And here I am on my bed

Forever lying down

Not moving an inch

Wishing I wasn’t down

Rethinking my life

And how I used to be happy

But now I feel dead

A dreamless person,

Not to mention my debts

Wrong choices in life

How did I arrive here?

I try to steer back

But there’s nowhere I’m heading

Sometimes I would pray

I wish my sky wasn’t gray

Take me back to my childhood

When I didn’t care about anything

And that I could feel every ounce of my dreams

When I didn’t have to worry

Being a jobless leaf

Take me back to my childhood

Where I could sleep in peace

And I didn’t have to worry

About these silly dreams

I’ve been livin a lie

My whole entire life

I’ve been hiding this pain

All my emotions inside

Cause every day, every night

It’s like a cold whiskey & wine

Anxious by the day

Depressed when the clock hits midnight

They say that life is bittersweet…

But mine seems bitter

Men I don’t taste no sweet

They say that life can be a rainbow...

But I see no bow in my rain

Every day drenched in pain

Even my friends went astray

My brokenheart is only broken

I’ve lost even my soul

My stupid mind is always thinking

Where does this road go?

One small cut

Is all I need

One small cut

To end my fears

One tiny cut

And pain will flow

All the greed for trust

All will die slow

Just a little cut

Is all it needs

A few strokes in the gut

Let thy emotions bleed

For all these cuts

Help me become “unnumbed’

And feel more human

As I’m flood with blood

One small cut…

Depression,

Depression,

Why’d you come here?

And just when I thought

That I graduated last year

From your talks

And your flaws

Well technically, they’re my flaws…

But why are you here?

You came knocking again

On my bedroom walls

And onto my deep, black halls

You’ve brought Insomnia with you

I haven’t seen him around since the day that I left you

I’m not a child anymore

I’m not afraid of you anymore

But what’s more frightening is when I stare at the mirror

I see a horror…

The lines in my face

Sleepless nights left its trace

And if I continuously stare

I find myself more scared

I see my life down the wire

I got nothin to hold on to

Was once hanging by a thread

But now I’m falling down, I’m through

No more positive energies

All but negative synergies

I can’t think of happy thoughts

Anxiety has consumed me…

So why’d you come knocking?

Every song I sang

Every string I strum

All the poems I've wrote

And all the pain that've flown

I thought I've gone up

Cause I've been down for so long

I thought I've all grown up

Cause I've been a child for so long

But look at me now

I'm holding an ink & a pen

With my headphones on

I sing I'm lost again

I'm listening again to Ivan B

More music fills my ear

As his rap pierce my skin

More music fills my ear

Of different people,

Different stories,

All of their worries and anxiety

Again today I am anxious

I'm getting more depressed

All those videos in YouTube,

There all but a repetition of what I've read

And I think I've gone numb

I think I've gone dumb

For with my heartless heart

I still think at dusk

And I haven't grabbed my pen

Like the way that I used to

I haven't wrote any poem

In the style that I used to

I'm not depressed anymore

Yet I ain't as motivated as before

I think my author life is ending,

But you know what they say

Every Ending comes a Beginning

But for now I am numb

I got no pain

I got no humm

I got no happiness

I'm just dumb

Dumb & dumber writing

My paper's still blank

And all my feelings still aren't over

And my poems never rhyme

Like the way that they used to

I want to fly,

Fly up high

High up in the sky

I want to try

To reach my dreams

To see my goals

To not fall of a cliff

And break my bones

I wish to remove

This anxiety of mine

But Depression and Realization

All comes to my mind

I want to end

The nameless monsters in my head

The endless words,

That creep inside as I lay in my bed

I want to be free

Even if Freedom is not free

I want to escape

The endless void that I create

Cuz people’s words are all too much

I can’t stand it anymore…

Not even an ounce

“I can’t breath,

I can’t eat

I can’t sleep”

These lyrics are true

I’m drowning

My sky is no longer blue

My world,

My vision,

My mind,

My soul…

All has gone blurred

I feel lost once more

Save me…

Free me…

Hold on to me, tightly

Spread my wings into the air

Help me soar above

Without any care…

I want to fly,

Fly up high

High up in the sky

I want to try

To live a life

Unlike any others life

I want to live

Like I’ll never die

Everything I do and say is wrong

Your anger builds up, on and on

Why is it that your every word is true?

Everything I do will always be failed to you

Your words versus mine

You force your world into mine

Were two opposite sides of a coin

Were in different worlds, not adjoined

Your world may be white,

Filled with flickering lights

With wisdoms so bright

But mine will never be right

In your mind

For my world is far darker than light

I am lost inside…

I’m filled with darkness

Soul called “Emptiness”

In hell I’m the Empress

And I’ll never be right to you

You may be wise

But know that I’m not like you

For I am me

In my own special way

In my own desires,

I wish to pave my way

Out into the night

Far away from yours

Out of your sight

In a life way different than what you sought

Yours versus mine

I admit defeat with thy enemy

I’ll never win against your light

But know this my Queen

I’m not forever at your side

For I shall indeed,

Venture far away from your light

Ever looked at the ocean?

And got lost in its waves…

Not by swimming down under,

But by looking, staring in daze….

Every water ripples,

Makes even your darkest heart quiver.

Every chirping bird and kingfishers,

Seem to be making the air much cooler.

I look at the sea,

And watch the ocean waves…

As it washes over the beach,

My mind seems to behave…

Every thought it my mind,

All the countless songs & rhymes…

All seems lost in one glimpse,

All lost by the water on my fingertips…

School,

Youth,

Adulthood

I’m doomed…

Work once you’ve graduated

Never mind if you hate it

Forget the bullies

Just get through it

Life isn’t a pretty garden

Good grades mean good life

If you mess around

You’ll burn through the fire

Outside is a jungle

All filled with adults

Who doesn’t care

They’re all like bears

Hungry for that honey

They step on the weak

It’s a bottomless pit

All for that money

I hate this system

I hate it all

And this is my weakness

I’m becoming small

Everybody’s like:

Work for this,

Work for that

You’re the first-born baby

Go and work up your ass

Get your mom a house

Buy your siblings a doll house

I’m sick of this shit

This is my own life

No, I’m not a rebellious bitch

I just want a fun life

Where I could smile,

I could try

To be who I am

And what I am

And where I am

Or who I’m with

Don’t define my own self

I’m tryin to be me

What’s the issue?

Why they keep on stopping me?

Am I wrong?

Am I stupid?

For trying to think differently

Is it a crime?

Are my rhymes,

All about whining like a child?

I’m done

I’m so done

Society hates me

I’m free

Only when I’m asleep.

Yet I always wake up

In this tragedy

Called “Reality”

Alright mom, I’m going

I’m five minutes late

To school

Here I am

Again,

I’m dying

I don’t think I still want to live…