don’t blame your savior (I don’t blame you)
You can me cut all you want but I will never bleed
Pull hair right out treat me like a filthy weed
But I'll smile and grin and let do whatever you want
Because I'm better anyway so I don't see a point
Am I controversial? Only as a much as the rest
It's not wrong to say when you know you're the best
I wouldn't spew shit, trust me when I say it's true
Blame me all you want but it's not my fault!
kinda like a vampire, right?
I don't like the sun, it hurts my eyes
I don't like how it can show me the time
It's dry and hot and too damn emotional
I'll stay in while it's sunny
The rain can hide me in it's mist
Everything is dark, no calendars can help
The damp apathetic and occasional joy
Make me come out when it rains
Another kid from school died, last night (the third this year alone).
I kinda knew him. I know his mom pretty well, and I used to talk to his younger brother a lot. They look very similar, so much in my foggy memory I can't recalled which I spoke with.
I'm okay. A bit shaken up that the son of such a sweet woman is dead, that someone my friend would casually mention is dead.
My friend John wasn't sad. He explained to me that his coping strategy is being petty and told me that he was upset because John planned to kill him on his wedding day. I doubt he noticed it, but he was in shock. I distracted John from this, and allowed him to be slightly more playfully mean to me than usual without me fighting him too much.
My other friend I didn't have the chance to talk to. He just seemed tired and sluggish. Looking at him made me feel ill.
I kinda knew the first kid who died this year too. My friend was a friend of his. The only time I really interacted with him was at a different mutual friends party. He was a bit rude to me, but I had no opinion on him. When he died, my friend cried for days.
I'm not personally effected by these deaths. But I'm so fucking sick of dead kids.
even the sweetest can sour
I'm not hungry but I'm bored
Let me make you something to adore
Bring you sweets, so many treats
I'll bake to the beat, it's no amazing feat
I have rotted
I have spoiled
My blood has clotted
I'm so soiled
I'll make you chocolate so you grin
Stuff you full of cookies from the tin
I'll feed you so you become strong
I'll roll it out until I belong
My meat is green
You make me sick
I'll no longer preen
You gluttonous prick
I just realized I've been on prose for just over a year now. I wonder if writing down some of my thoughts and posting them online for this long will be a defense or a nail in the coffin when something inevitable knocks me off the table. The table, in case, is made of glass, has most screws loose, and is missing a leg.
I need a new table. Something more supportive.
I'm finally up and fucking off to college when next fall comes around. When my mom first mentioned me having to get furniture, I almost burst into tears.
At first I wanted to stay here and do community college. Way cheaper, and where most of my friends will be.
But then I had the thought of 'wow, if I stay here longer than legally required, I might actually kill myself'. So I'm going off somewhere, just me and my not too bad academic scholarship.
I might be going into years of dreadful debt, but hopefully I'll want to die less.
I'm going to try and do something on the lighter side, for once in my life. I wish I could forget watching some shows or movies, or reading a new book, or listening to a song for the first time.
You don't even realize until it's over that it changed you as a person. Like when I read IT years ago during the summer. I was a horror fan beforehand, but IT was what made me dive nose deep into it, and I've been obsessed ever since.
When I watched Hannibal for the first time. I was obsessed, trying to think of what might be the next plot point, or how Hannibal and Will's next interaction would me. It was over a year ago that I finished the series, and I wish I could experience it again.
And there are so many songs that have altered my brain chemistry in one way or another. Honey Whiskey (Nothing but Thieves), Mary (Alex G), Evil (Interpol), and so many more. The first time I heard all of those, I feel in love with them. It would be nice to do that again.
I honestly wish I could ban all of them, or better yet, ban myself so I don't have to see them. But there is one man, who never has any good moments.
RON. By extension, his wife and their horrible daughter. They are luckily not blood related to me, and I am thankful for that.
His wife (vaguely manipulate and hates my mom because she thinks my mom hates her) is tolerable sometimes.
Their daughter (homophobic, snotty, and was mean to her dog when younger) is worse, but I can ignore her and walk into the other room.
BUT RONALD (Racist, anti-vaccine, homophobic, more I can't recall at the moment, and if I ask my parents my dad will go into a rant about how much he hates Ron) is irredeemable.
All I want for Thanksgiving this year is to stay home.
I Was Wrong About Them
I didn't like a lot of my current friends when I first met them. I would think that they were annoying, or mean and I just didn't want anything to do with them.
I can think of 7 friends off the top of my friends I didn't like at first. Now when I see someone I don't like, I think "maybe I'll befriend them next".