Mother’s Day - 3
You’re getting ready to turn
I can feel it
In my bones
Or
More importantly
In my gut
My last baby
My peacemaker
My pacemaker
My pacifier
Your sweetness
Is unparalleled
Your innocence
Everything
Your empathy
A burden to most
A gift to you
Intensely aware
Every hand held
Crossing the street
May be my last
You allow it
Just one
More
Time
Even as your hormones rage
Stop embarrassing me Mom!
But your empathy
Keeps you from
That one
Last
Time
And I see you
And I promise
To let go
Soon
So soon
But not too soon
Not
Too
Soon
Mother’s Day - 2
Born of love
In love
With love
You are love
Personified
Always reaching in
Reaching out
Even when it hurts
Or, especially
When it hurts
I look up to you
So much
30 years my junior
Also
My daughter
So freely
Willingly
Hopefully
Helpfully
Authentically
You
Give your love
Knowing
It’s always deserved
Even when
We can’t see it for ourselves
Patience is a virtue
You are ever virtuous
With me
And my gratitude
Is rivaled
Only
By my love for you
Lines and Confines
Where is my future
Without you
Looping in black and white replays
Our time together
I am shattered
Each and every time
I think of you
Yet
How can I not?
I’m a waterfall
No one pays admission
To see
No one admits
They see
Too raw
My emotion on display
Running from their empathy
Because it hurts so beautifully
I can hide in plain sight
This way
This is the way
Forget me
Remember the feeling
Feel me
Forget to remember
It’s Monday
It’s time to drink
Everywhere
Body Count
I discount
My body
Because
It remembers
My trauma
My mind
However
Prefers
To forget
In forgetting
I dishonor
Myself
My journey
My future
My past
My loved ones
In forgetting
I allow
The trauma
To build
Upon itself
A cycle
Which brings me
To my knees
Time
And again
On my knees
I’m not praying
Or am I
In my sad, sick way
On my knees
Am I begging
To be taken
Forgiven
Put down
Or helped up
On my knees
Am I crying out
To be seen
Heard
Or ignored
On my knees
Is it the prelude
To finding myself
On my back
Or standing up
My body remembers.
My trauma
Lives there.
When I ignore it
I grant
My pain
Wings
Sadness
Despair
They fly
Into my mind
Dampening
My spirit
Dimming
My light
Shadowing
My soul
Each time
I discount
My body
My body count
Increases
The weight of that
Paralyzes me at times
When I don’t move
My body
The pain stagnates
Then metastasizes
My inability
To move
In healthy ways
Climaxes
So
In those moments
I’ve begun to whisper
Move
Just move
I must
Learn
To count
On my body
Trust
The openness
Of my heart
Move
Into
My own way
Mother’s Day - One
You've grown up
We've grown apart
I remember
So clearly
The day
I became a mother
A status
That no matter
What happens
Can ever
Be relinquished
(No matter
What you say)
The experience
So different
Than my planning
Than my imaginings
But perfect
And beautiful
In its reality
And
Obviously
In
Outcome
Abacus
I miss you
I love you
My soul aches
To know
How you are
Every day
I need to be saved
From myself
It has always
Been this way
There are so many
Ways
To be saved
I was saved
The day
I became
A mother
I was saved
The day
You first smiled
Unprompted
Seven months old
At the elderly woman
In the doctor's office
In that moment
I saw
My heart
In yours
I was saved
Each time
You reached
For my hand
Each time
You laughed
Each time
You surprised me
With your uniqueness
I was saved
Each time
I realized
That you love me
Because,
While I
Can offer you
Unconditional
Love,
I continuously
Battle
With the notion
I
Am worthy
Of love
Even
From
My
Children
(Especially?)
So how
Can I be surprised
That you withhold it?
Regardless
You saved me
In small and large ways
Every day
Of your life
And
Even estranged
You continue
To do so
Because
I am saved
By the memories
I cherish
And so many of them
The most precious ones
Feature you
My first baby.
When
the world
is spinning
all around you
and you spin too
it feels
like you belong
when
the world
is spinning
all around you
and you
want to get off
it feels
like you’re an anomaly
and
when you get off
and figure out
what walking
on a static plane
IS
you feel sad
about those spinning
and the days/years/months
you spent
spinning
and you question
should I teach
others
how to walk
this path
and you realize
everyone knows
they.
just.
chose.
to spin.
then what?