I know

It's my fault

I never

Wanted you

To see

How hard

It was

For me

I held

My suffering

Like a newborn

Carefully

And away

From the world

But when

We left

The shore

In our

Single parent sailboat

Me

Not even knowing

How to sail

I pointed out

The sunny skies

To distract you

While I fought sharks

I said

Close your eyes

And feel the breeze

While I

Evaded pirates

I said

This is fun

Life is great

When my exhaustion

Threatened

All our lives

You got bigger

And I built

A bigger ship

Learned more

About navigation

And felt proud

Of every storm

We weathered

Then the tsunami hit

And broke apart

All I had built

So we started again

With remnants

And new pieces

But

Older now

You stopped

Closing your eyes

And looking away

And saw

How close

We were

To sinking

And

Scared now

You shouted at me

Pointed out my flaws

Broke down my reserves

And I began

To question

My ability

And the boat

Fell in to disrepair

And when

It started to capsize

I said here

Stand on my head

And I swam to shore

And you ran off

Afraid

For your lives

And I built

A new boat

Smaller now

A boat for two

And your brother

Still closes his eyes

To feel the breeze

And looks

To the sunny sky

While I battle sharks

But I know

Someday

He will just watch

And I'm so afraid

Of what

He will think of me

I saw you

At that moment

I piqued your interest

I saw your mustered strength

I saw your will break

Twice over

I though

Had already decided

So

I caught your eye

And smiled

And suddenly

You found your feet

And your voice

And I played along

With the facade

Where you chose me

And I responded

But

Truth be told

I had already chosen you

Don’t worry

I won’t tell your friends

The intensity

Of his rage

Betrayed

In his eyes

That gaze

Responsible

For his cage

The jury

Conflicted

Until

The prosecutor

Revealed

The photograph

Blown up

Larger than life

Her fear

His anger

Rang more true

Than any

Witness

Testimony

A random teen

In a twist of fate

Caught them

Just before

Her final moment

In a remarkably timed

Selfie

Scrolling through

Their recent photos

They remembered the faces

From the news

And sent the photo

To the police

The jury

Deliberated

For less than an hour

Unanimous verdict:

Guilty

Sentence:

Death penalty

There were three deaths

Captured

In that photograph

The woman's -

Impending

The man's -

Punitive

The teen's -

Innocence

From the pitch back music room

Came the sound of dissonant chords

Peeking my head inside the door

The piano music abruptly ended

Two feline eyes dared me to object

Two decades

Of Halloween as a mom

From a puppy bundled in my arms

To a zombie bride in a stroller

To holding the sticky toddler hand of my cereal killer

To standing on the sidewalk as Katniss, with her homemade bow and arrow

Rang the bells herself

To staying home while they went out with friends

To "I'm too old to dress up but I'll take my brother"

To a Happy Halloween text on the family chat

Stayed too late at bar

Now the pumpkins are blurry

But I still know words

I can play the game

So sign me up for the Bers

Just not for so-ber!

Creak. Squeak. Creak creak. Squeak squeak. That’s the sound of the porch swing. There’s no wind. There’s no one sitting in it. It just rocks a freakish lullaby all night long. I look out the window time and again to see nothing. Just the swing, slowly rocking back and forth. During the day, even when the wind picks up, the swing doesn’t rock. It’s only at night.

I sat in it once. My nerves went crazy. I got chills and started shaking. I never sat in it again. Not at night.

It’s been six months since I moved in. I still look anxiously out the window half the night. Last night when I looked, there was a little dog. Gazing up at the swing. Tail wagging. Perfectly happy. Just sitting there. Looking at the swing. Darndest thing.

This morning the dog was gone. Don’t know whose it could be. I don’t have neighbors for a half mile. Never seen it before.

I heard tell of a young woman who used to live here. Rocked her baby in the cold air at night because it was colicky. Helped it sleep. This is what the townsfolk chose to tell me when I complained about the creaky swing. Fuckers.

Story goes, the baby didn’t make it out of infancy. Caught a fever it couldn’t shake. The daddy left shortly after that. Couldn’t handle the loss I guess.

There’s been tenants here since then, though. I’m not the first. No one seems to know what happened to the lady. Or anyway, they ain’t willing to tell me.

Maybe I’ll get one of those new age white noise thingys. So I can’t hear that infernal creaking and squeaking. Wood creaking, metal squeaking. It’s damned unnerving.

I tried taking down the porch swing once already. When I did, I heard a baby crying all night long. Darndest thing. Figure it’s one of the neighbors, and that noisy swing actually blocks the sound. I lasted three days and put the swing back up. It’s a better noise than a baby crying anyway.

I oiled the hinges once too. Felt like creak creak creak is better than creak squeak squeak. Sat in the swing (it was daytime now I already said it’s too creepy at night), nary a squeak. That night though, creak squeak creak squeak.

Yeah, I think a noise machine is the way to go. Maybe I’ll get one with ocean sounds.

I do wonder what’s up with that dog though. Should I leave food for it? It looked well fed and groomed actually. Must’ve just wandered over. Strange that it didn’t bark at the swing. There is a dog door. It’s been locked for a while by the looks of it but maybe the dog used to live here, and then it was given to a neighbor or something.

Never thought I’d think this much about a porch swing. It’s strange though, innit?